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Every time I think I've seen rock bottom from our friends on the Right, it is only a matter of moments until something more disgusting comes along. So while I'm tempted to say that this is as bad as it gets, this is definitely the most revolting thing I've seen in quite some time.

So, let's say you're the average pasty, lard-assed, $100k-per-year neocon white guy in the suburbs. Summer's coming quickly; the kids will be out of school in a few weeks and they're certainly going to need something to do for the summer. I mean, that 8 hour per week job at the ice cream place (they're learning that work builds character!) isn't going to occupy them. If only there were some way you could instill in them values like Leadership and Teamwork.

Wait! How about Freedom Alliance Military Leadership Academy?!?!

Brought to you by an old, familiar face (Lt. Col. Oliver North) and some friends, the FAMLA (please do not confuse it with the communist, welfare-queen giveaway Family and Medical Leave Act) gives your spoiled, arrogant teenager the opportunity to experience the real military lifestyle…..without actually having to do any military service! Yes, that's right. It's like being in the Army minus the unpleasant risk of death and contact with Negroes!

From the photos and brochures, the program looks like it consists mostly of taking kids for rides on military equipment and having them do "basic training," a.k.a. going for a couple hikes. But Ed, you say, couldn't this be a valuable experience for young people? It sure could be! I just…can't….shake the feeling….that there's some other way that healthy 18 year old kids could "experience the military lifestyle." Maybe, you know, enlisting. So they can go get shot full of holes. Like all the 18 year old kids whose parents don't have money to send them to ridiculous camps – or, you know, college.

The materials claim that the camp's graduates go on to:

"…pursue careers in the military and as DOD civilians, such as the Navy Criminal Investigative Service, while others go to college or directly to the workforce.

God bless Southern Californians. Their ingenuity and never-say-die attitude toward burning our nation to the ground and pissing on the ashes is really quite commendable. Something tells me that the combined effect of rapid advances in telecommunications and neocon economics is going to have us all replaced by a webcam and someone in India by 2020.

Due to the fact that I am in the process of moving, I will have to keep this short and sweet. Leave it to a brilliant man like Vice President Cheney to perfectly crystallize the ideal solution to the ongoing fiasco in Iraq. On his "surprise visit" to Baghdad, Mr. Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain plans to give a stirring motivational speech to the Iraqi government informing them that "It's game time." Seriously.

Like a bad high school history teacher, we are now resorting to sports metaphors to address major political crises. Exactly what type of reaction does he sincerely hope to get from a speech like this? Is the entire Iraqi Council of Puppets and Men Marked for Death going to look suprised and say "Shit, it's Game Time? Well why didn't you tell us that before? Come on guys, if it's Game Time then let's get our asses in gear!"

Alright, Iraq. It's 3rd-and-goal and you're in the two minute drill. Someone needs to step up and be your nation's John Elway.

This is probably unethical, but such concerns are irrelevant when you are as burned out on grading as I am at the moment. The following is an actual answer from an undergraduate's final exam, which I am quoting verbatim. The question was to define an "externality":

"Externality is the outside side effect that going outside for help can be beneficial, like if we run out of pineapples we could go to another neighboring country + ask for their pineapples."

I need a drink and a shower. My soul hurts.

From the pages of the DC insider's gossip sheet The Nelson Report – the publication of record for leaking information anonymously – regarding a group of old Texas allies who visited the President to talk some sense into him regarding the Paul Wolfowitz World Bank fiasco:

[S]ome big money players up from Texas recently paid a visit to their friend in the White House. The story goes that they got out exactly one question, and the rest of the meeting consisted of The President in an extended whine, a rant, actually, about no one understands him, the critics are all messed up, if only people would see what he's doing things would be OK…etc., etc. This is called a "bunker mentality" and it's not attractive when a friend does it. When the friend is the President of the United States, it can be downright dangerous. Apparently the Texas friends were suitably appalled, hence the story now in circulation.

Uh oh. So goes the transition from Dauphin Surrounded by Sycophants Who Isolate Him from Reality to full-blown self-pitying persecution complex. This scenario is clearly waving a number of different "Oh, shit" red flags:

Reading through a rather dry but on-point open letter from Carl Levin to the President, I find one paragraph near the end to be particularly stunning. That is, the idea is not only stunning on its face but the media's failure to report it widely is equally so.

The committee considering amendments to the Iraqi Constitution appears to be as far from completing its work as it has always been. Meanwhile, the Assembly is apparently planning to go on a two month recess at the end of June. Let me repeat that since it is so unbelievable – the Iraqi Council of Representatives is apparently planning to go on a two month recess at the end of June. And incredibly, Hasan Suneid, a lawmaker and adviser to Prime Minister Maliki, was quoted in the paper the other day as saying that "time is irrelevant."

No problem, guys. Head on down to South Padre for a couple of months and shake off the cobwebs. At the current going rates, the two month vacation will only cost about 200 dead US troops and a couple thousand dead Iraqi civilians. You've gotta hand it to them, though. It's amazing how quickly they picked up on the average work schedule of a lawmaker in a democracy. After all, Iraq as it is today was baptized who is currently getting ready to head off to his Crawford, TX ranch for the 62nd time in six years (that's 409 total days at the ranch, or more than one full year – about 15% of his time since inauguration – spent on vacation).