After watching a few of my favorite old fights on YouTube, among them Tyson-Spinks from Iron Mike's era of invincibility, I was messing around online and read some amusing material about how Mr. Tyson managed to squander all of his $300,000,000+ in career earnings. His carefully thought-out purchases included hundreds of exotic cars, two Bengal tigers, and a pigeon-breeding operation featuring 350 birds in an arena-sized coop. Then I found a gold nugget buried in Tyson's avalanche of insane spending. At one point The Champ "had a half-million dollar watch emblazoned with pornography."

Read that again. Remind yourself, if necessary, what kind of person would do such a thing:

Folks, if I wake up some morning to find myself the recipient of an inherited fortune from a relative I never met, every one of you loyal readers are getting watches emblazoned with pornography. Necessity may force me to substitute a mere Rolex in the $25,000 range for Tyson's $500k timepiece, but the value of the watch is not the important part. The important part is that it is emblazoned with pornography.

This is my promise to you. And you're no Alexander. I'm Alexander. I will eat your children. Praise be to Allah.

(ps: It may shock you to learn that Mr. Tyson isn't looking too good these days)