BOBBY JINDAL, WITNESS YOUR FUTURE

Posted in No Politics Friday on February 27th, 2009 by Ed

First, I would like to apologize. I have a job interview coming up which has preoccupied me, and I feel like this week sucked.

Second, Bobby Jindal's performance on Tuesday evening reminded me so much of a ShamWow infomercial that I decided to do a post on the ShamWow Guy. I should begin by noting that his name is Vince Offer. He came out of the damn womb cleaning himself off with a ShamWow and ready to film an infomercial. You know all about the ShamWow ad by now, that magical German-made towel that can absorb anything. Never mind that it's really a big scam – the towel's "absorbent powers" are the product of clever editing. Perhaps you're also familiar with his new project, the Slap Chop, which he sells with the delightful, subtle, and delightfully subtle double entendre "You're gonna love my nuts." Oh, Vince. You whip.

Apparently Vince is an ex-Scientologist who has successfully sued the "church." This makes Mr. Offer remarkably OK in my book no matter how much of a barnacle he is on America's ass. Unfortunately long before he sued Scientology or slapped his nuts on national TV he also starred in and directed a film called Underground Comedy Movie. The New York Post called it the worst film ever made, while the New York Times noted that it "stands as a monument to ineptitude and self-delusion." The film is a series of unrelated, scatalogical skits starring Offer, Joey Buttafuoco, and Gina Lee Nolin (whose skit consists of her loudly defecating). And. AND. Michael Clarke Duncan, who apparently has never said "no" to anything. Offer sued the Farrelly Brothers for "stealing" his idea in There's Something About Mary and Anna Nicole Smith for $4 million for backing out of the film in a rare show of taste.

After making (possibly) the worst movie ever, the entreprenurial Mr. Offer reinvented himself as a pitchman when he discovered the towel that would become ShamWow at a flea market. I have to imagine that this guy hangs out at a lot of flea markets. You know, scouting for new products. And peddling meth. Congratulations, Vince Offer. I don't know how a no-talent troll like him managed to do it, but he is a household name – the Ron Popeil of the Aughts. With a headset. And more jokes about his ballsack.