NPF: BEING FEMALE IS COMPLICATED

Posted in No Politics Friday on May 1st, 2009 by Ed

This commercial blew my mind. Unfortunately I can't find a video, so the website will have to do.

Bali Concealers. It is a line of brassieres. "The first and only bras," in fact, "with revolutionary concealing petals for complete modesty." The commercial prominently features this phrase and initially I had no earthly idea what Petals are or how they promote Modesty. Then, after numerous close-ups of breasts (or, if you prefer the proper medical term, "knockers") under thin, satiny, skin-tight dresses…

Oh. "Modesty." The gee-it's-cold-in-here kind. The party-lights-are-on kind.

It struck me as amazing that this is, like, an actual thing that women have to consider when dressing. My primary goal when dressing is to make sure I don't leave the house without pants. Even when I have to dress professionally I could do it in the dark. Everything I own matches everything else. I have black shoes, brown shoes, and a belt matching each. And I never, ever have to worry about "modesty."

I've long believed that, rampant societal misogyny aside, being female is a pretty sweet deal. This commercial changed everything. I only wish I had thought of this simple, brilliant "invention" myself, as the Bali Corp. is no doubt going to make garbage bags of money on it. My ad campaign would be far classier, though.

Ginandtacos Modesty Bra: when you absolutely, positively can't have your nips pokin' out.tm