Actual student email:
"I looked over the comments on my research paper and there's no way this is a D. It's at least an A-."
After reading this six or seven times to ensure proper comprehension, I started channeling Joe Pesci from Raging Bull; where do you get the balls to ask me a question like that? We all like to idealize ourselves as undergraduates.
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Even if we think we were lazy, arrogant slobs we prefer to recall ourselves as smart lazy, arrogant slobs. Regardless of how trite it sounds, though, I have to say that there is no conceivable universe in which I would ever have said this to a professor when I was a student.
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What planet are these people from? Where have God and man gone astray in guiding these wayward youth?
After about a dozen draft responses, all of which I wisely deleted, I finally responded that when the University allows me to choose my own salary I will let students choose their own grades.
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Under the circumstances I feel like anything short of a right hook to the kidney and a knee to the groin counts as a measured, appropriate response.
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