DIVIDING BY ZERO

Posted in Rants on October 1st, 2009 by Ed

Is there any refrain more tired or more effective at immediately halting your desire, need, or social obligation to pay attention to the words coming out of someone's mouth than the phrase "with my tax dollars"? It simultaneously betrays the speaker's wildly inflated sense of self-importance and the presence of deep seated issues with the basic concept of living in a society with other people. Leaving aside the fact that 99% of Americans, and certainly all of those lazy enough to rely on such a stupid talking point, don't have the slightest idea how tax dollars are actually spent (I think 75% is paid out to teenage immigrant unwed mothers and the remaining 25% is funneled through the National Endowment for the Arts to support preverted and blasphemous sculpture) the idea that we get to pick and choose what we do and do not wish to pay for is, well, retarded.

But that doesn't stop tax bitchers, many of whom are unafraid of rolling up their pants and wading boldly into Lake Retarded. The latest meme, helpfully regurgitated by the non-partisan and objective journalists on the right, is the "I morally object to 'my tax dollars' being used to fund abortions!"

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Don't worry, teabaggers. It is literally impossible for your tax dollars to fund abortions. Or anything else. Because there is a very, very good chance that you're not paying a fucking dime in Federal income tax. This year, 47% of households filing with the IRS will have a Federal income tax obligation of zero. For incomes under $50,000 (which describes more than half of households in the country) a whopping 69.5% will pay not one dime, with the remaining 30% paying something on the order of 15% on the fraction of their income which will qualify as taxable.

Stop for a minute and let that sink in. Think of all the wailing and gnashing of teeth, the screaming teabaggers, the stupid protests, and the open talk about the need for someone to murder the President or at least depose him. Those right-wing drones sure can make a lot of noise but as sure as the Pope wears a funny hat, there is a greater than 50% chance that these mouthbreathers won't be paying a penny in hated income taxes this year.

I realize that these people are almost comically immune to facts and their conception of "taxes" they pay "the government" is an amalgam of entitlement programs (Medicaid, SSI) and non-Federal obligations like property taxes. Nonetheless, this would seem to be a pertinent piece of information to provide tp your asshole coworker who, despite your repeated and increasingly desperate entreaties, will not turn down the damn Glenn Beck.