Comments on: FAMILY TIME

By: Julie

Julie — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 07:19:45 +0000

My Grandma is full of them. I think my favorite is the time she (a Catholic who believes protestants are not true Christians) told me she was voting for Bush (Protestant) because he's more Christian than Kerry (Catholic).

By: Beth

Beth — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 15:23:56 +0000

After hurricane Katrina, my second cousin (MBA from USC, uber-christian, protein obsessed) argued that she didn't want her tax dollars to rebuild "that city." I said "you don't want to rebuild a a city with lots of black people in it?"

I asked her what she would think if her city, Los Angeles, was fucked up by an earthquake as badly as New Orleans was. She said of course it should be rebuilt. I had no response.

By: Liz

Liz — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 15:23:56 +0000

"redneck cousins who knock out one another's teeth in billiard hall scuffles,"

I feel like I have been deprived of the opportunity to share my own family's best story, but I don't mind, Ed. How about the nicoturkey?

By: Prudence

Prudence — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 12:16:51 +0000

At Thanksgiving right after 9/11, my (now ex) husband's uncle told me with a completely straight face that America "should just go ahead and nuke Central Asia".

By: dan

dan — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 00:25:53 +0000

Any complaint (and I have heard these complaints) about having to press 1 for English last quite a bit longer than the time it takes to press 1.

By: Cassie

Cassie — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:26:36 +0000

My oldest aunt once told me that she heard that Muslims where celebrating in the streets of Carbondale, IL after 9/11.

By: kiki

kiki — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 05:03:42 +0000

Paige's great aunt wins!

By: Paige

Paige — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 00:55:39 +0000

At dinner, my grandfather asked me why I wasn't eating any meat. I told him that I don't eat meat. His reaction was one that I would have expected if I had told him I had suddenly decided to convert to Islam, was homosexual, etc. He was breathing pretty heavily, and stopped eating. He then reminded me that, "our ancestors would not have made it if they didn't eat meat. We wouldn't be here. No one would be here." I thought that was it, but he kept bringing it up at random times throughout the day. He was also concerned that any future children of mine would be weak and inferior, and that my grades would start to slip.

Also, my great aunt complained for a solid 20 minutes about having to "press 1 for English" when she called her cable provider. "This is America," she exclaimed, "we should not have to press 1, the Mexicans should have to push 1 for Spanish! We're giving those illegal immigrants free healthcare, they should have to press 1. I'm not pressing 1 anymore, I'm hanging up. I don't even like TV."

By: Aslan Maskhadov

Aslan Maskhadov — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 20:14:00 +0000

Priceless quote from Mom, the day after the 2008 election: "We have just elected a president by Affirmative action!" I then proceeded to ask her whether or not Obama had been given any electoral or popular votes up front, my best approximation of affirmative action for political campaigns. She quickly changed the subject to ranting about how Obama's not really black, he's HALF-WHITE!!! My response to this common right-wing butthurt catch-phrase is to ask the following: If a man who looked just like Obama stole your car, would you be falling over yourself to remind the police that the man was "half-white"? I doubt it. This is just the most desperate method of the butthurt masses to try to take something away from the black community. It was common among racist intellectuals to try to ball-break accomplished black intellectuals and writers by pointing out that they were part white.