NPF: IN WHICH I MOCK A CHILD

Posted in No Politics Friday on April 2nd, 2010 by Ed

Mark this date, for it is the date upon which this site sinks to the level of mocking a 15 year-old kid. While I am legally required to remind readers that neither Ginandtacos.com nor its parent company, Nordyne Defense Dynamics, accept legal responsibility for the views expressed by the author, I'm pretty sure you will feel morally justified in mocking this kid too.

So, this is real. He was 13 when the book was released:

Well, he has one of the foundational aspects of being a wingnut pundit down pat: looking like a smug little asswipe on a book jacket. Here he is at the same age addressing CPAC. See how long you can listen to his voice before you want to grab him by the skull and squeeze it like a zit until the horrible noise stops.

There really are only a couple of outcomes for this kid by the time he hits his 20s.

1. He has dropped out of college, survived two or three suicide attempts, and plays bass in a Fear cover band. Whatever royalties are still rolling in from his books go straight to his drug habit. He is photographed doing pint glasses full of blow off of Maggie Gallagher's nude back. Eventually he mainlines a speedball and dies.

2. He is in a psychiatric hospital, and half of the conservative AM radio hosts are in prison, when the scope of the molestation to which Rush and Glenn are regularly subjecting this kid comes to light.

3. In between paid appearances at megachurches around the country, he is hanging around truck stop bathrooms hooking up with guys he meets in chatrooms on adam4adam.

4. He is in prison, having (choose one: murdered an abortion doctor, blown up a Federal courthouse, mailed anthrax to Keith Olbermann).

5. He seamlessly blends into the right wing noise machine, becoming an asshole indistinguishable from any of the other assholes once the "cuteness" and novelty of his age wear off. The Macaulay Culkin of the pundit class, if you will.

Now that I have had some fun at his expense, in all honesty the little information available about this kid just makes me feel sorry for him. Between the homeschooling, the self-hating Jews-turned-Fundamentalist Christians parents, and the supplemental education at "The Classical School, which teaches from a Christian Biblical perspective," it is pretty clear that this kid didn't have much of a chance. He probably showed considerable intellectual gifts early on and rather than nurturing them, his parents chose to brainwash him. That's what is so creepy about the video clip, as is the case with all precocious "stage children." He looks programmed. You can teach a monkey to do a trick and it will perform on cue, but that doesn't mean it knows what it's doing or why.