ASIDE FROM THAT, HOW WAS THE PLAY, MRS. LINCOLN?

Posted in Rants on May 5th, 2010 by Ed

Bill Kristol, defrocked New York Times columnist and mainstream media outcast who is still good enough for Murdoch, sayeth the following on something called Special Report with Bret Baier last week:

Look the data’s pretty clear in general that the offshore drilling of oil has become incredibly quite safe, not perfectly safe, but compared to other ways of getting energy, quite safe compared to the mining of coal for example, and very environmentally clean, except when there is a disaster like this spill, but Exxon Valdez was much bigger.

Read that five or six times. Those of you who do not jam knives into both eyes after the third reading should rejoin us for the next paragraph.

When the spill first happened I noted to anyone within earshot that the "drill, baby, drill" mouthbreathers were amusingly silent. I should have known better. That silence was actually golden and I would soon be yearning for it. And now I am. Kristol's breathtakingly stupid comment actually manages to make a slogan as asinine as "drill, baby, drill" sound like Olivier delivering the St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V. Kristol, as usual, led the way for the right wing punditry. His comment was like the opening ceremony of the Special Olympics. Soon we would have:

  • Rush Limbaugh "noting the coincidence" of the event happening on Earth Day, thus establishing damning circumstantial evidence that "environmental wackos" blew up the rig in an act of terrorism. No follow-up word on whether the second rig that capsized on Saturday was also Ed Begley Jr.'s fault.
  • Eric "The Admiral" Bolling, who may in fact be the least intelligent Fox News contributor (akin to being the most closeted Focus on the Family staffer) helpfully suggested that our strategy moving forward should be "Drill here, drill now … drill, baby, drill." Look how well the monkey learned the catchphrase! That kind of classical conditioning could give Pavlov wood from beyond the grave.
  • The highly-paid speechwriter who writes Sarah Palin's Facebook updates enlightened us with a magnum opus entitled "Domestic Drilling: Why We Can Still Believe." Don't worry, she did learn something from her personal experience with the Exxon Valdez disaster…namely that, ya know, shit happens! We must be strong enough to accept the occasional environmental Hindenburg. Bonus point: comparing offshore drilling to the moon landing, which is to say dangerous, expensive, ultimately pointless, and a government-funded gangbang for contractors who live off the Federal teat.
  • The very appropriately named David Asman of Fox Business Channel (which, to remind you, has as many daily viewers as the website at which you are staring) helpfully notes that environmentalists need to "shut up" and that the "solution" (to…the spill?) is to "drill more." With incisive commentary like that, he won't be down in the minor leagues for long!
  • First, God made idiots. That was for practice. When He was convinced that He achieved perfection, He made Fox News contributors.

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