NPF: THERE IS NO PLACE LEFT TO HIDE

Posted in No Politics Friday on December 30th, 2010 by Ed

(Note: NPF is being observed on Thursday so that the coveted 2010 CotY Award can be given out on Friday, Dec. 31)

Friend and reader Pauline V. brought to my attention something so disturbing that I cannot help but share it. She discovered, under circumstances about which I desire to know absolutely nothing, that there is a "Fantasies" section (warning: there are no pictures, but it is definitely "adult" content) on Tonya Harding's official website. Again, I do not want to know how or why she discovered this. Plausible deniability. The important thing is that we collectively come to the realization that anyone on the planet with an internet connection can read 1607 user-generated works of fiction about engaging in a variety of sexual activities with the disgraced Olympian, amateur wedding night video star, and female boxer.

Sadly, the "Rejected Fantasies" link is no longer functional. To think that one could submit something that fails to qualify as one of the 1607 best Tonya Harding sex fantasy stories on the internet is…disturbing. But the internet is all about disturbing. It is approximately 5% useful (or inoffensively useless) information and 95% demented, horrible shit. As much as I love and take full advantage of the internet, I hate the way that it forces us to be so keenly aware of all of the crazy and stupid in the world.

Prior to the internet, the world community of people who want to write amateur porn about Tonya Harding would have been unable to come together to indulge their mutual interest. Since the anonymity afforded by the internet is essential to getting people to participate in creepy shit, it's not like this could have been done pre-internet in a magazine or something. So without the internet the rest of us could have lived our entire lives blissfully unaware of the fact that anything like this exists in the world.

Yes, I've focused on a rather esoteric and silly example here. But the internet is constantly forcing us to be aware of every creepy-ass fetish, hobby, interest, and opinion our fellow humans have. This is the downside of this amazing tool for communicating and sharing information – we get our news instantaneously and can chat with friends across the globe, but we must accept the occasional forced recognition of the existence of things like "furries", Ukranian mail order bride services, and the parade of horrors that is Craigslist.

It is both fitting and logical, I suppose, that a resource offering literally a world of information would end up providing us with a little too much information on a regular basis. I can tell that some of you are skeptical, but I can guarantee that you are a happier person right now than you will be after you watch 45 seconds of this:

"And God wept" is the next line, I believe.