NPF is ready to go but I couldn't resist bumping it in light of the vice-presidential debate on Thursday evening. Rather than making any attempts at analysis (If your post-debate spin is Mitch McConnell whining about the moderator, you just got your ass kicked. What more is there to say?) all I want to do is come up with analogies for what we saw on that stage last night. In politics, I can't think of a debate that ended with one person being that thoroughly humiliated when that person was not named Dan Quayle. Here I will try to list ass beatings as lopsided and complete as the one Paul Ryan just received:

That one Super Bowl that the 49ers won 55-10, where the game was effectively over 10 minutes into the first quarter. (Honorable Mention: The 1985 Bears clobbering New England 46-10)

– Mike Tyson vs. Marvis Frazier. Or Michael Johnson. Or Michael Spinks. Or Robert Colay. Or basically anyone he fought before he went to prison and completely lost his mind.

– BluRay vs. HD DVD (Honorable mention: DVD vs. DIVX Disc)

The Battle of Cold Harbor, American Civil War (Honorable mention: Henry V at Agincourt)

– Man vs. Nature

– Pepsi vs. New Coke

The one guy who kept fighting WWII for Japan until 1974 vs. the entire world

Crops vs. locusts (Honorable mention: Cane toads vs. Australia)

That could not have gone worse for Paul Ryan unless he pulled out a Koran and the severed head of Michael Phelps and thrust them both toward the camera. Unfortunately it won't matter much, as is usual for the debates. Nonetheless, it will replace Romney/Obama I as the topic for the grist mill over the next few days and it gave us this excellent excuse to think of metaphors for getting the crap beaten out of you.