WATCH OUT, DAVID...DEATH COMES IN THREES

On the heels of the passing of Ol' Dirty Bastard, Perot 92 vice-presidential running mate Admiral James Stockdale has died at 81.

"Big Baby Jesus, I can't wait...."

Admiral Stockdale famously opened the 1992 vice-presidential debate by stating "Who am I? Why am I here?" - a pair of questions that neither he nor anyone else could convincingly answer. His main claim to fame was a Congressional Medal of Honor and seven years' detention in a North Vietnamese POW camp.

With two lovable lunatics dead in such a short period of time, the global population of certified nutcases should be getting nervous. Death comes in threes, as we all know. So who's next? Given the cosmic debt that Tom Cruise has brought down upon his kind in the past few weeks, the smart money is on David Miscavige, the current fascist at the head of the cult pyramid scheme known as Scientology. For extra credit, I'm going to get specific and say "mortally wounded while shredding tax documents" as the cause.

Seriously, is anyone not creeped the fuck out by this picture?

Although if there were any justice left in the world, Coroners would list the cause of death for Scientologists as "God fixing a mistake."