DITKA. SAUSAGE. DITKA.

6.05 A batter is out when: (b) A third strike is legally caught by the catcher; "Legally caught" means in the catcher's glove before the ball touches the ground.

6.09
(b): The batter becomes a runner when the third strike called by the umpire is not caught ... When a batter becomes a base runner on a third strike not caught by the catcher and starts for the dugout, or his position, and then realizes his situation and then attempts to reach first base, he is not out unless he or first base is tagged before he reaches first base

Alright, listen. I had the good fortune of being at this game, albeit not exactly right behind home plate.

Paul, misinterpreting the "strike 3" signal as "Out", dropped the ball and left the field

In short, the umpire made the right decision but the wrong signal. He interpreted the rule correctly - on a 3rd strike that hits the ground, a tag is required - but his arm signal was unclear. The ump insists that he always uses that motion for "strike 3" and a different one (pulling his arm toward his body) for "out". So I feel bad for the Angels - I initially thought the ump had signalled "out" myself, and I can see how it was confusing.

However, the media are neglecting to mention that in the second inning Aaron Rowand was called out at home attempting to score on an errant throw after a triple. Replays clearly show that the ump - the very same home plate ump - blew the call. He was safe. The throw beat him, but the tag didn't. So absent that blown call in the Angels' favor, the Sox wouldn't even have been batting in the 9th. Luck giveth and taketh away.

We'll return to more talk about James Dobson and sex dolls soon, I promise.

Posted by Ed at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

"Lonely loser. Pathological creep. Misogynist. Potential rapist."

These, as Salon.com puts it, are very apt terms to describe a man who engages in sexual practices with a doll. When examining the notion of a "sex doll" imagery of the blow up doll with gaping mouth frequently used as comic relief in shameless films comes to mind. However, it would seem that the company Real Doll has been attempting to change this stereotype since 1996. That's right, for around $6500.00 you could have a "life like" sex doll crafted with state of the art "Hollywood special effects technology".

Historically speaking, ginandtacos.com has introduced its readers to a vast array of stories that could be said to make fun of themselves. That said, when I first became aware of this phenomenon when reading a story on Salon.com I realized that never before had something been so instrinsically ridiculous as to need no further fun making.

So then, as opposed to actually making any sort of attempt at degrading these people's "lifestyles" I will instead try to explain to you how I came to the conclusion that this is the single most absurd thing ever posted on ginandtacos.com.

All right then....

To start, when I clicked on the story, I was greeted by this photo:

Yes, this man clearly spent $6500 on the worlds most realistic sex doll

This man....is playing video games with his sex doll. He gave his sex doll a controller? I began reading the article and found out that he has named the doll Sidore and discribes it as being "...everything that turns him on: beautiful, loyal, a great listener." Yes, I know that in its own right, this is creepy. However we soon find out that the doll is half british half Japanese, has the atrological sign Cancer, and get ready for it.....IS A GOTH. The owner of this particular doll, named Davecat, is also goth, has a very bizzare anglophile obsession (I am led to believe that he speaks in a fake British accent), thinks that his doll is an intellectual who, it if could, would walk around with Sylvia Plath books under her/its arms, and sadly believes that "No real woman seems to think I'm good enough for them."

Now, correct me if I am wrong, but this is already exceptionally absurd. However, the article proceeds to regale you with tales of others' doll experiences. We find out that some people have multiple dolls and choose particular ones for particular sex acts. We get the advice from Mike Kelly that "Head 4 is very tight orally. It has a small mouth if you've got a Head 4/Body 5 ... you've pretty much got it covered. Tight as a drum."

So as you can imagine, at this point I am treading a very fine line between thinking that this is hysterical and being exceptionally creeped out. This is when I notice that the story has a photo gallery. I proceed to see a picture of two dolls posed on a bed. The caption informed me that the owner claims that they are sisters. He does not have sex with them, he just likes posing them and taking pictures - yes, that is clearly what happens.

Finally, a story related by a man who specializes in repairing the dolls:

Another time, an Asian undergraduate student at a university in California dropped his 1-year-old doll off for repairs. Fiero says the young man told him that his parents bought him the doll so that he would stay at home and study rather than go out chasing women. Fiero's photographs of the damaged doll make me cringe: Her leg was torn off, revealing the steel hardware of her hip joints; an arm hung by an inch of silicone flesh; two fingers were severed; and the cleavage between her buttocks was torn into a ragged crevasse.

"Her vagina was so blown out," Fiero told me. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe someone could fuck something like that up so quickly. It blew me away. How could somebody be so callous? I was offended in so many ways," he continues. "He put her feet behind her head and reamed that doll with whatever cock he's got. He fucked her violently. She was achieving positions she shouldn't achieve or be forced to try. Her vagina and anus were a giant gaping hole."

Well, basically this article is about 8000 words worth of viceral, amusing, and incredibly disturbing imagery. As a final note, he sells about 2 million dollars worth of these a year.

If you are interested in being truely creeped out, read the Realdoll.com FAQ. I honestly could not read any more than a fraction of it before I had to close the browser. My feelings about this can be best described by the Big Lebowski quote:

THE 2005 DION RAYFORD AWARD GOES TO...

Ginandtacos.com has its heroes. Ol' Dirty Bastard, Sir Robert Burnett, Winston Churchill, and many more exemplary individuals have represented the spirit of this webpage throughout history. But there is a special breed of hero who deserves our highest honor - our Congressional Medal of Honor, if you will - for going above and beyond the call of duty to enjoy alcohol or low-priced Mexican food.

On the original ginandtacos.com, we told you the inspirational story of Dion Rayford, a 275-pound college football player who was arrested for assaulting Taco Bell employees who omitted a chalupa from his order. An ordinary man would have dropped the matter - but Dion is no ordinary man. He leapt from his car and attempted to assault the Taco Bell staff by lunging through the drive-thru window. As the window was only 14 inches wide, he quickly became stuck. Police arrived to find his legs dangling out of the drive-thru while his arms no doubt reached for tacos inside the restaurant. He never got his chalupa, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

In Dion's honor, I announce the 2005 winners of the award given to the person or persons who best exemplify the spirit of the ginandtacos: Ian Nichelsen and Tyler Clouatre of North Platte, Nebraska.

These two 18 year-olds are currently facing up to 20 years in prison. Their crime? Not murder, nor theft, nor assault, nor treason. They broke into an Arby's while drunk. To steal? No, to cook.

"I know you're addicted...ain't no methadone for curly fries, bitch."

The hungry and shitfaced teens broke into their neighborhood Arby's around 3 AM and proceeded to fire up the grill and deep fryers. They also brought with them a 30-can case of cheap beer. For two hours they enjoyed curly fries, wads of whatever nonspecific meat by-product Arby's calls "beef," and lots of beer. When an Arby's employee arrived at 5 AM to begin opening the restaurant, police were summoned. Not ones to surrender, our intrepid intruders went to the roof of the building and kept eating.

We can only assume they attempted, without success, to find a White Castle.

"My God," you say, "an award for something that involved neither gin nor tacos?" Your point is fair but misguided. What these men did is bigger than what they drank or in what form they consumed fried starch. It takes a hell of a lot of alcohol to make Arby's seem tasty. We cannot imagine how much would be required to make breaking into an Arby's out of hunger seem like a good idea.

Salut, gentlemen. We will raise funds for your legal defense if necessary. It is too bad you don't live in Fort Wayne, Indiana, where the Arby's never closes. There you could have satisfied your lust legally.