THAT DARNED LIBERAL MEDIA

Here's a story that the raging-liberal American media has done an excellent job of sweeping under the rug to appease the higher-ups in the Pentagon. Apparently the military has devised a new way to stop the reporting of unfavorable information: killing journalists.

Now, it's a bit hypocritical to suddenly be up in arms over the deaths of western journalists at the hands of the US military; they've been lighting up middle eastern journalists by the dozen for three years now. Nevertheless it's pretty shocking to see how the Department of Defense allows its American Heroes to murder journalists for having the gall to actually do investigative journalism (i.e., anything beyond sitting in the Green Zone and regurgitating Pentagon press releases). Top work, guys! These "accidents" have a way of "happening," after all.

THE ANGEL GETS ITS WINGS

We're a real band now. After 5 years, we have finally got around to acquiring t-shirts. Buy one (bottom left of the store page). They're reasonably priced, suited for use as cleaning rags, they make great gifts, and they comply with anti-toplessness regulations in all 50 states (and Puerto Rico).

Yes, we'll come up with something that's actually funny next time

Buy a shirt or I'll make 110 dead bodies turn up in Baghdad tomorrow. Oh wait, that'll happen anyway. For the next four years, apparently. But don't let that change the fact that you need to buy a shirt.

FLACCIDITY

On the topic of this nuclear test, let me do a little disclosure and say that I am unhealthily obsessed with nuclear weapons and the Cold War. I have 100 Suns as a coffee table book. One of my favorite films is Trinity and Beyond (mit Shatner und Teller!). I've read On the Beach, Warday, and Canticle for Liebowitz a few too many times.

That said, this test was a dud. I'm no expert, but given the reported magnitude of the geological disturbance (variously reported between 3.47 and 4.2 Richter) it was either a phenomenally small bomb or a fizzle on a larger device. Based on a rather casual perusal of the history of underground testing (and yes, I have that site bookmarked) it appears that my suspicion is not totally without merit.

And people way smarter than me are already saying the same thing. So the DPRK may have violated the first rule of gunboat diplomacy - when using weapon tests as saber-rattling, make sure the fucking thing works. But in the long run this doesn't mean much. The gap between partially detonated nuke and functional one is small. It is rumored that they were refining plutonium for an implosion weapon, but if they have the raw materials the average college engineering student could put together a less-complicated (and less-powerful, but simpler to produce) gun-style bomb.

DEFENDING THE WORLD FROM YELLOWCAKE

Well, to absolutely no one's surprise, the DPRK is now nukeular. Good thing we've spent the last 3 years pissing away our resources and credibility in Iraq. After all, we had some very reliable Russian intelligence (which turned out to be forged, of course) indicating that they were trying to buy low-grade enriched uraniaum from the Sudan. And aluminum tubes. TUBES, people. Tubes. That's some serious shit.

That obviously posed a much more serious threat than North Korea's real, honest-to-god nuclear weapons program at Yongbon, the existence of which was confirmed during Clinton's first term.

For the record, I hope you're all aware that North Korean nuclear weapons pose no direct threat to the United States. That is, they don't have the capability to deliver them to the lower 48. The Nodong-2 (Ahahaha. No dong. Whee.) is a modified Scud missile, meaning it's about as accurate as a medieval catapult and has barely as much range. The Taepodong-2 is three-stage and has theoretical range to hit the US, but it's yet to experience a successful test. So North Korean ballistic missile technology is just about to the point American technology reached in 1948. Good work, retards.

So the "threat" to the United States is minimal. But Japan, South Korea, Southeast Asia, and American soil in the Pacific rim....that's another story altogether. They might want to stock up on SPF 100,000 sunblock.

Bravo, George. Thanks for being officially asleep at the switch on this one.