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SUZANNE VENKER GETS DESPERATELY NEEDED ATTENTION AND THE FJM TREATMENT

Wednesday, July 17th, 2013

There is ample money to be made Uncle Tomming in the conservative media; there's no quicker way to a book deal, columnist gig, or TV appearances than to be something other than a white male. Flap-jowled white guys are 90% of the intended audience, and they love nothing more than being able to feel like […]

MEGAN McARDLE HAS A COMPLETE MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND RECEIVES LIFE-SAVING FJM TREATMENT

Thursday, March 28th, 2013

At some point Megan McArdle has to get fired. We're accustomed to reading her arguments and thinking, gee, that makes no sense whatsoever – "no sense" as in, her logic is faulty. Apparently she has moved on to writing things that make no sense in the most literal meaning of the term. She is stringing […]

K-LO CONDENSES STUPID AND ENDS UP WITH THE FJM TREATMENT

Tuesday, February 5th, 2013

Kathryn Jean Lopez (aka K-Lo) over at America's Shittiest Websitetm was flabbergasted – just flabbergasted, I tell you – to see Beyonce's scandalous outfit during the Super Bowl halftime show. She rushed to her keyboard as soon as she finished her Reagan prayers on Monday morning to voice her displeasure while letting us all know […]

ERIC DONDERO GETS THE FJM TREATMENT BUT IS PROBABLY TOO BUSY HOARDING AMMONIUM NITRATE TO CARE

Monday, November 12th, 2012

It did not take a team of psychics and supercomputers to predict that we would see some epic right-wing pant shittings on the internets in response to Tuesday's election, but I could only dream of finding one as, uh, layered with gems as the spectacularly (run-on) titled and subtitled, "The end of liberty in America: […]

A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE SEVERELY BEATEN GET THE FJM TREATMENT

Thursday, March 1st, 2012

Throughout the Great Recession, I think we can all agree that the suffering of people on Wall Street has been overlooked. Max Abelson of Bloomberg tries to address that problem with, "Wall Street Bonus Withdrawal Means Trading Aspen for Coupons." This is one case in which it's best for me to say as little as […]

SUSAN BROWN GETS THE FJM TREATMENT

Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

I've been at this for almost a decade, and over that time my Spider Sense for terrible editorializing has gotten pretty good. It's impossible to explain, but sometimes you look at a headline and author and you just know. So when I saw "Over-Regulation is Choking the Life Out of Business" by someone named Susan […]

TWO WELL PAID HOOKERS GET THE FJM TREATMENT

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

In the age of media saturation and shorter-than-ever attention spans, ideas are marketed no differently than products. And much like the release of a new product is carefully timed to coincide with the circadian rhythms of its particular market niche, ideas must be proposed only when they have the best chance to succeed. For example, […]

BILL BENNETT ROLLS THE DICE, WINS AN FJM TREATMENT

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

It seemed like a good idea to get the requisite Bill Bennett Gambling Addiction joke out of the way up front. Imagine the year is 1840 and you are the world's foremost expert on phrenology. You have devoted your entire life to its study and promotion. You have defended it well against its many critics. […]

JOHN RANSOM IS TELE-FAXED AN FJM TREATMENT

Thursday, June 2nd, 2011

Before being inducted into the sacred order of syndicated right wing columnists, aspirants must endure a grueling 12-week course during which he or she must prove to a panel of elders that they do not know any cultural references beyond 1990. Successful applicants will punctuate their logically fallacious, cliched work with phrases like "Where's the […]

TERRY PAULSON GETS A FAIR AND EQUITABLE FJM TREATMENT

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Hey everyone, grab your flannels and Doc Martens because it's (apparently) 1994 again! Perhaps you should rock the hell out to "Mr. Wendal" or some Candlebox in order to fully appreciate the time-altering experience that is Terry Paulson's masterpiece, "Time for CA Flat Tax." The flat tax? Hey Terry, Steve Forbes called and wants his […]