November 17, 2005
10 THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO THAN WATCH "WALK THE LINE"
Here is just a short list of some things I would prefer to watching Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon "act" (the term must be used loosely with them) out the life story of Johnny Cash:
1. Run my balls up and down a cheese grater repeatedly
2. Drink a bucket of vomit (not mine)
3. Conduct sex education sessions at group homes for the profoundly retarded
4. Watch Battlefield:Earth in its entirety. Twice.
5. Memorize pi to 1500 places
6. Get hooked on heroin and share needles with junkies at an AIDS hospice
7. Give Ving Rhames a thorough rimjob
8. Sit through an entire live performance of the White Stripes
9. Go freegan
10. Invest my life savings in General Motors
November 14, 2005
OH, NOW IT MAKES SENSE
Don't you hate being told a long, odd story without being given the information necessary to make sense of it until late in the game? I do.
By now you've probably heard or read a thing or two about this story - an 18 year old Pennsylvania teen wanted for murdering the parents of his 14 year old girlfriend, whom he then allegedly kidnapped and took across state lines. Aside from sounding like a classic white trash soap opera, the story had a coating of weirdness on it that I just couldn't put my finger on. Then I saw this comment dropped casually at the end of a news report on the teens' capture in Indiana:
Kaitlin Borden (sister of the 14 year old girl) told police that Ludwig (accused killer) brought her sister home early Sunday after keeping her out all night. The father summoned him back, and an argument ensued, ending in the fatal shootings. She said Ludwig called for her sister, and the two -- both of whom were home-schooled and met through a home-schooling event -- fled.
Aha. Well why didn't you say that in the first place? Ginandtacos.com is really keen on the idea of homeschooling and does not at all consider it to be a dangerous legal loophole that allows the possibility of complete psychopaths brainwashing their children and then sending them into the world utterly devoid of social skills except for awkward interactions with other children in the same circumstances. See the classic "Abandon the public schools, for they teach no rug braiding" piece for our passionate defense of the right to home-school.
So let this double-homicide make clear the message of the parents who chose to home-school their kids in this situation:
Excellent. As a result, two people are dead and another is on his way to a life in prison. Don't weep for Patrick Henry University, though. It will find plenty of other maladjusted kids to turn into Future Bill Frist Interns in his place.
