KEVIN SMITH, OR: EXHIBIT 'A' IN THE CASE AGAINST LIVING PAST 30

Too bad Kevin Smith didn't join the 27 Club. It worked for Hendrix and it worked for Joplin. Cobain, yeah, it worked out for him too. Step 1 = do something amazing. Step 2 = die before you can start doing subsequent and inevitably disappointing things. Step 3 = be immortalized.

Let me state the obvious before we continue; I fucking hate Kevin Smith. He is probably the most overrated, underwhelming figure in a profession that is fairly bursting with overrated, underwhelming figures. It is truly amazing how much this person sucks while still somehow being taken seriously (albeit with dramatically decreasing frequency these days).

Had he the good sense to just drop deap (O.D. and suicide would have both been acceptable) after Clerks he probably would have been remembered pretty fondly. Oh, don't get me wrong. It's not nearly as good of a film as many claim it is. But like that mediocre nobody who gets a full page in the high school yearbook after he hangs himself, Smith could have benefitted in perpetuity from a one-and-done approach.

Which brings me to the climax. In case Gigli, Jersey Girl, Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back weren't enough to make you taste bile, he's currently wrapping up the production work on Clerks II. No, this is not a joke or a rumor. Insert the Bill Hicks "sucking Satan's cock" noise here.

I wonder if the executives at Dreamworks just walked into a room, dropped their trousers, and said "First one to suck it gets a $15 million budget and 2% of the adjusted gross." Smith would undoubtedly leave many shattered bodies in his wake as he maniacally dove toward the cash-dispensing genitalia.

Too bad you didn't die 10 years ago, Kevin. There would have been all kinds of fawning tributes. Now there isn't enough mouthwash in the world to get the taste of shame and Harvey Weinstein's wang out of your mouth, and when you finally leave this world you will be remembered primarily for being the visionary who tapped the potential of the Affleck-Lopez team in two separate films. See you in 10 more years on a reality program based on washed-up celebrities!

Are you both drunk and homeless?

I know that at least several ginandtacos.com readers must be homeless drunks. It just stands to reason. Luckily, if you are exceptionally drunk, a modern trend seems to indicate that soon you will get free housing.

Stylish urban dwelling which is sure to have some bitchin' parties

A recent project in Seattle will house 75 of the cities hardest core alcoholics. However, you should not make the mistake of thinking that it is easy to gain admittance. Simply drinking a bottle of Mad Dog and passing out on the street does not qualify you for downtown rent-free living. These people have had to seriously make a lifestyle of it. Public record needs to indicate that you have been an alcoholic for at least 15 years, and have failed at treatment at least 6 times.

I know what you are thinking. This is some kind of new fangled alcohol abuse treatment program. Not in the slightest. The residents of this facility are free to drink as much as they want. The only condition is that they have to behave appropriately on the streets and in the building or else face eviction. The reason for this is obvious.

In stark contrast to the opinions of fraternities around the nation, Bill Hobson, the program director said:

"Drinking is not an excuse for behaving badly"

Why did the city of Seattle spend 11.2 million dollars to build a building to house drunks? Well, there is the obvious benefit of them not dying on the streets. The other side of the coin, which I am sure held some weight with the city council, is that this is actually cheaper than dealing with them. Apparently the costs of police and medical attention for these 75 people is far greater than the cost to house them. Basically, it would seem, that Seattle is saying that as long as they keep their boozehoundery confined within the walls of 1811 Eastlake Ave it is fiscally responsible for the city to pay for them to live there. If you are one of these 75 individuals, you can go to sleep at night knowing that you were costing Seattle more money per month to contain your drunkeness than the average cost of rent in that area- good times.