Month: August 2005

GINANDTACOS.COM ASSERTS ITS CONSERVATIVE CREDENTIALS

Posted on | by Ed | 2 Comments on GINANDTACOS.COM ASSERTS ITS CONSERVATIVE CREDENTIALS

Now folks, I'm no libertarian. I also do not lie awake at night fuming about property taxes, government spending, and the inheritance tax exemption threshold. But the 2005 Federal Highway Spending Bill is enough to finally put me and the Cato Institute on the same page for once.

Not only does the bill waddle in at a staggering (if not incomprehensible) 6,000,000,000 but it contains 6,371 individual entitlement projects – pork barrel projects for individual Congressional districts.
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In comparison, the original Interstate Highway Act signed by Dwight Eisenhower contained two. In the 1987 bill there were 152.

Some of my personal favorites include:

  • A total of $499,000,000 (that's half a billion dollars) for Dennis Hastert's district, including $70,400,000 for a bridge on some rural wagon path called "Stearns Road" in Kane County and $2,564,000 for a system of hiking trails in Dixon, Illinois.
  • $200,000 for a "deer avoidance system" in Weedsport, New York. Is that, um, a fence?
  • $3,000,000 for "dust control mitigation" on the rural roads of Arkansas
  • $941,000,000 in total projects for Alaska. Of course, no one lives in Alaska…but Transportation Committee Chairman Don Young does. Coincidentally enough, $125 million of the funds will be used to build a bridge called "Don Young Way" in Anchorage.
  • $630,000,000 for House Ways and Means Chairman Bill Thomas's district in central California. Rostenkowski would be proud. Only one state (Texas) received more funding than Thomas's single district.
  • $2,880,000 for a bike path in Delta Ponds, Oregon. Is it going to be paved in platinum?
  • $200,000,000 for a bridge in Alaska to an island on which 47 people live.
  • ,000,000 for a highway in Saipan, Northern Mariana Islands.
    https://brightoneye.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/jpg/zovirax.html

    The island is a total of 85 square miles in size and already has over 200 miles of paved road.
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  • A total of $763 billion plus for projects in Texas

    Notice how the majority of this stuff is going into the pockets of Republican committee chairmen and Republican-heavy states. I can't wait until the 2006 elections.
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    I hope the Republicans finally gain the majority in Congress so we can start seeing some fiscal responsibility.

    • I'D BETTER WRAP UP THE RIGHTS TO THE BOOK OF DEUTERONOMY

    Posted on | by Ed | 6 Comments on I'D BETTER WRAP UP THE RIGHTS TO THE BOOK OF DEUTERONOMY

    Nothing makes one feel more empty, soulless, and already dead quite like the new Hollywood trend of re-making anything and everything.
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    It's depressing enough when they crank out original dreck (Collateral, Wedding Crashers); offering big screen versions of old sitcoms (Charlie's Angels, Dukes of Hazzard, the Mod Squad, etc etc ad infinitum) and old stories (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Peter Pan) adds insult to injury.

    Let's be honest – it can't be that hard to write a script for a new, original, and horrendous movie that will rocket straight to #1 at the box office. What, like it took a convention of the world's ten greatest living authors to crank out Must Love Dogs or Men in Black? Yet no matter how simple the "let's make a Vin Diesel movie that will break 0 million" formula is, Hollywood still strains under the weight of the artistic burden.
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    So they steal. They re-make. They sequel. They Adapt Things for the Big Screen. Video games, Disneyland rides, comics, TV, pop fiction novels, Shakespeare….if it's not bolted to the ground, they'll take it and make a movie out of it.

    With one old piece of classic fiction currently wallowing in the top 10 among current releases (War of the Worlds) it's only fitting that we predict classic literature to be the next area strip-mined for ideas that these people are entirely too stupid to think of on their own. Lots of classics already have older film versions – so what? Make'em again.

    Lest you think I'm pulling this out of my ass, I submit: Robert Zemeckis and Roger Avary are producing a big-screen version of Beowulf. Yes, Beowulf. Beo-fucking-wulf. The very same one you nearly jammed two pencils up your nostrils while trying to read in high school. The same one that is barely readable and details a story that really isn't even mildly exciting.

    I can think of no adjectives in English to describe how tired, pathetic, desperate, and intellectually retarded the people running these studios must be if they're digging up Beowulf for Next Summer's Action Blockbuster.
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    Charlie's Angels 3 would be dignified in comparison. Then again, so would Carrot Top Presents: 90 Minutes of Fart Noises and Blows to the Groin.