Category: Quick Hits

I'm out of gas tonight but I have a brief question based on seeing a bit of the Wednesday night convention speeches: On average, how many hours per day does Bill Clinton spend reading and re-reading the Constitution trying to find a way that he can be president again?

The over/under is 4.

There are a lot of new readers these days, and for Labor Day I want to turn back the clock to 2008 to one of my favorite posts ever: Battered Worker Syndrome. Four years of Koch-o-nomics later, we're one step closer to the goal of complete powerlessness in the workforce.

I guess the unemployment rate will start to go down just as soon as it's no longer beneficial to the few people who hold political and economic power in this country to have a surplus of nearly every conceivable form of labor to ensure a cheap, obedient, chronically unhappy workforce.

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As usual, there are scattered reports of bad behavior among delegates and other attendees at the GOP convention. Conventions are famous – historically moreso than in the modern context – for their unruliness. Animated shouting matches, occasional physical violence, and the kind of quasi-fascist screaming/chanting/groupthink/mob mentality that is disturbing to watch on a very visceral level; all of this is par for the course.

Here is a very important thing to keep in mind when attempting to make sense of the bursts of ugliness that occur throughout the conventions: A lot of the people you are watching are drunk. Really, really drunk.

I have had the opportunity to witness two conventions up close – one from each party – and to describe it as Adult Spring Break would almost be an understatement. The level of drunkenness and the extent of the partying that these often elderly people engaged in for a week was shocking, even for someone who has attended or worked at three Big Ten universities and one in the SEC.

Not only do they drink like they have John Bonham's liver stashed in their hotel suite, but they do it around the clock.
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I'd wager that by the time the evening speechifying begins a substantial portion of the attendees are tipsy or worse. And "tipsy" seems to be the appropriate description for those who are at least trying to behave. Some of the others are staggering around fully shit-housed by noon.

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There are exceptions, of course. Some of the super church-y attendees are unlikely to partake, for example. But when you're watching at home and wondering why they're chanting like they're at a football game, blurting out really racist things in the presence of the media, or simply looking a little red-faced and weird in general, keep in mind what no news commentator bothers to point out despite the fact that it is useful information: they're probably drunk. New Year's Eve drunk in some cases.

Irish Wedding drunk. 21st Birthday drunk. Oops-I-Crapped-My-Pants drunk. Don't let the pageantry and the old age of the participants fool you; this thing is little more than a massive, highly choreographed commercial taking place during a week long cocktail party. Those new items about the bars and strip clubs in Tampa cashing in on the convention might be amusing but they are also true.

Tomorrow is my first day of classes with my new employer, and combined with a large amount of time well spent chatting with friends and loved ones on Tuesday night (technology is a poor but serviceable substitute for being near people you actually know) the intended Wednesday post did not get finished. You'll see that on Thursday, and it's one of those posts. Honestly I'm curious to see your reaction. Usually I don't give a shit.

I kid, I kid.

In its stead, Eve "Vagina Monologues" Ensler has what is hands-down the best response yet to Todd Akin, and I strongly encourage you to read it. I must confess that the long, overwrought personal gut-spill essay is not my favorite form of commentary on social and political issues, but given the nature of the Congressman's comments (and the author's ability to be effectively restrained and objective about a deeply scarring and personal issue) makes this incredibly effective. Read it.

I want you to close your eyes and imagine that you are on your bed or up against a wall or locked in a small suffocating space. Imagine being tied up there and imagine some aggressive, indifferent, insane stranger friend or relative ripping off your clothes and entering your body – the most personal, sacred, private part of your body – and violently, hatefully forcing themself into you so that you are ripped apart. Then imagine that stranger's sperm shooting into you and filling you and you can't get it out.
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It is growing something in you. Imagine you have no idea what that life will even consist of, spiritually made in hate, not knowing the mental or health background of the rapist.
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Then imagine a person comes along, a person who has never had that experience of rape, and that person tells you, you have no choice but to keep that product of rape growing in you against your will and when it is born it has the face of your rapist, the face of the person who has essentially destroyed your being and you will have to look at the face every day of your life and you will be judged harshly if you cannot love that face.

Side note: In college I was participating in a workshop with numerous student organizations when the question, "How can feminism move forward?
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" was posed for our consideration. My best friend at the time, a lesbian of the Butch type who vocally led a women's group on campus, rose and said "We can start by admitting that 'The Vagina Monologues' kinda suck without feeling bad about it." I've not once heard the VM mentioned without thinking of this and chuckling on the inside.

You can see why we were friends.

Most social and economic data end up telling predictable stories; shockingly, income and education are correlated! Poverty and crime go hand-in-hand! Abstinence Only sex education doesn't work! We see "studies" and "reports" that reveal these facts get emailed and passed around Facebook, resulting in a collective well-duh response that reinforces what common sense tells us. I don't really get interested until the data tell us the opposite of what we expect. For example, how many of you would have guessed that the United States trails nearly the entire industrialized world in car ownership (including leases) per capita? Don't lie. You thought we were #1 too. Don't worry, though. Despite being far from #1 in that category, we still use more than twice as much energy per capita than even the energy hungry countries of Western Europe.

How can it be that America, the land where profligate energy consumption is treated as a birthright, has fewer cars per capita than pansy-ass France? This is America, land of the SUV and the morning commute and the culture of car worship. This is a country that never saw a public transportation proposal it liked. We have to have the most cars. Hell, in most cities and towns in this country it's practically impossible to accomplish the basic tasks of life without a car these days. So what's the deal?

As the first link (from The Atlantic) suggests, part of the problem is economic inequality; we'd probably own more cars if we could afford it. This is supported by data reported widely earlier this year that the average age of cars on the road in the U.S. has never been higher. That's a clear sign that we're modifying our consumption to reflect unemployment, underemployment, lower wages, and uncertainty about the future.

How do we manage to use so much more energy if we have fewer cars? While the obvious answer is that we drive bigger, less efficient cars – and believe me, we do – the more pressing fact is that we drive more. Europeans have smaller cars (much to Americans' amusement) and don't drive them as often or as far. The daily drive from the suburbs to Downtown might be a staple in the American suburbs but is not common elsewhere. Even if we all drove tiny Euro-style hatchbacks we'd still use far more energy per capita because miles driven per capita are off the charts here.

Nothing quite like unexpected results to force us to confront our new economic reality. Luxury car sales are still going strong, though! So there's that.

Another week, another mass shooting.

America truly is the greatest country on Earth, at least at this.

It's almost too obvious to point out the disparity in news coverage and public outrage – even given the ephemeral nature of Mass Murder Outrage in this society – between the shooting at a Colorado movie theater and a Sikh temple in Wisconsin.

Sure, maybe it's just a case of mass shooting fatigue given the close proximity to the Colorado incident.

Or maybe neither the media nor the public can identify with odd, furreign-soundin' dark people from a religion they've never heard of.

You know, it's not like they're Real Americans who do 'merican things like go to Batman movies on opening night. And far be it from any of us to learn how to feel genuine sympathy for people who are not identical to ourselves in almost every way.

The next time someone recites the trite mantra of "senseless" or "random" violence – the "guns don't, people do" argument – kindly remind them what those two words mean, because a white supremacist gunning people down in a Sikh temple is neither.

Oh, remember that Homeland Security report about how ex-servicemen were turning to extremism in increasing, even if still small, numbers? Good thing that was a load of nonsense!

Yesterday approximately 20,000 people around the world died of starvation while hordes of mostly old, mostly fat white American Christians flocked to a fast food chain to spend money and consume fried chicken from cancer- and disease-ridden chickens that suffered every second from birth to slaughter to show support for said chain's willingness to donate millions of dollars to stop The Gays from getting married.

Meanwhile, people who buy multiple boxes of Sudafed or who purchase money orders over $1000 end up being tracked by law enforcement while individuals who buy thousands upon thousands of rounds of ammunition are not.

Cool. Carry on.