LET THE MELTDOWN BEGIN!

In the wake of the 2004 election Mike K. did a nice job highlighting the best in liberal meltdowns. I feel it's only fair to do the same for 2006.

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The granddaddy Lifetime Achievement Award Super-Mega-Burnout for 2006 absolutely has to go to Jonah Goldberg over at National Review. He has written the best non-ironic, dead-serious imitation of The Onion's "I am fucking insane" article since Ol' Dirty Bastard penned "Here Comes the Judge." You can practically picture him smearing his own shit on his chest and running around in a loincloth as you read this little gem. Yes, George W. Bush certainly could do that, Jonah. If not for the fact that he is a gigantic pussy, just like Jonah Goldberg, Sean Hannity, and every other warmongering right-wing suburban war-hawk white guy. Wouldn't W need to have his dad call in James Baker to show him how to skin the bear?

Next, let's give a collective award to Fox News for the following bit.

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This seems like prime evidence of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
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I prescribe a 2-week vacation and a cement mixer full of Zoloft for the entire network.

gutfeld.jpg

Let's also pick on Morty Kondracke and Fred Barnes as prototypical examples of the incessant "the country is now doomed, and here is our spin on why the White House actually won the election – and if you don't buy that, here's some spin about how our Dear Leader was Shanghaied by a left-wing election-stealing machine" memes. Look at those awful partisan liberals. Refusing to confirm a good man like John Bolton? We can't figure out which motivates them – spite or treason – but it has to be one of the two!

Lastly, I am STILL SEARCHING for the video or a transcript of Shepard Smith losing his f'n mind on Fox News circa 1 AM EST on election night. If ANYONE can locate transcripts or video of his bizarre soliloquy, I'll seriously pony up something significant as a reward.
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I'm not up on the Tivo technology, but is it possible to retrieve old programming? I'm checking with the Vanderbilt TV News Archive but they don't yet have a tape of full election coverage…..

Boy Genius.

Remember that article about the Republicans mocking Democrats for living in the "reality-based community" (where they "believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality")? I always thought that may have been a bit unfair, since the quote was from an unnamed aide to the President.

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But then I see this interview NPR did with Karl "Fixing up my resume" Rove right before the election (transcript here):

SIEGEL: We are in the home stretch though and many would consider you on the optimistic end of realism about…
ROVE: Not that you would exhibit a bias, you just making a comment.
SIEGEL: I'm looking at all the same polls that you are looking at.
ROVE: No, you are not. I'm looking at 68 polls a week for candidates for the US House and US Senate, and Governor and you may be looking at 4-5 public polls a week that talk attitudes nationally.
SIEGEL: I don't want to have you to call races…

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ROVE: I'm looking at all of these Robert and adding them up.

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I add up to a Republican Senate and Republican House. You may end up with a different math but you are entitled to your math and I'm entitled to THE math.
SIEGEL: I don't know if we're entitled to a different math but your…

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ROVE: I said THE math.

Evidently Rove's faith-based mathematics, based on internal secret polls that I'm sure were in no way biased towards those who were paying for it, lost out to the reality-based ones.

MACACANS 1, REPUBLICANS 0

Allen's giving up. First smart thing he's ever done, I think.

It's readily apparent that he's not going to make up enough votes in a recount – Webb picked up a few hundred in the initial counts.

So basically we're looking at a potential recount process that will take 8 weeks, drive everyone nuts, and STILL result in an Allen loss.

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Talk about bad publicity for the GOP.
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Besides, Allen is such a black mark on his party at this point that the last thing they want is a month or two of Georgie being the lead story on the news every night. He's embarassed himself and his colleagues in just about every way imaginable, and a protracted recount would be an exercise in the media reviewing every asinine thing he's said and done. Not smart.

See you later, dickhead.

LESSON LEARNED

The Democrats learned one very important thing from W in 2000: declare victory, and do it as soon as practicable.

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Tester and Webb have declared victory in MT and VA after the last remaining uncounted votes from Tuesday were tallied.

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Tester's 3,000 vote margin is unlikely to disappear in sparsely-populated Big Sky country.
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Webb's declaration of victory is a bit more tenuous. He leads by about 7,000 out of 2.3 million votes cast. That's considerably more iffy. But by declaring victory and showing a lead at this moment, he psychologically establishes himself as the "legitimate" claimant and the losing Allen as the "sore loser" challenger. Worked wonders in 2000, and it should do the same here.

Due to some complicated election rules in VA, no recounts can begin until after 11/27. Here's hoping that George Allen has enough decency to concede and not turn this into a 2-month fiasco.

Who the fuck are we kidding. George Allen has no decency at all. Get ready.

RUMINATIONS

1a. Did anyone else catch Shepard Smith losing his f'n mind on Fox News at about 1 AM (EST)? He looked like his head was going to explode and went on some bizzare, incomprehensible 90-second rant about how the Democrats will need to find a leader to step up and realize that the war we are in is a war for the existence of our civilization. After that it became essentially impossible to understand, as he threw disconnected batches of words at the screen while choking back tears and bile.

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1b. I came to the stunning and somewhat sad realization last night that, in voting for Baron Hill in my Congressional race, it marked the first time in my life that I have voted for someone for President, Senate, or Congress who actually won. Mind you, I have voted in every election after 1994. Unfuckingbelievable.

2. Whatever happens in Montana and Virginia, I hope to God it is decided by the recounts and not by the courts.

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I don't think America can take another 6-week vote-counting debacle that is ultimately decided by a nonsensical ruling from a Republican judge.

3. Where did I go wrong with the Senate calls? Well, in Tennessee I did the classic bet-with-your-heart-instead-of-your-brain. I really like Harold Ford and I wanted him to win.
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All signs indicated otherwise, though. In New Jersey, I think I've learned something about underestimating the power of corrupt but incredibly powerful Democratic urban turnout machines.

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Kean was the better candidate, but the GOP's disadvantages in that state are just too huge. Lesson learned.

4. When the smoke clears, the Democrats will have about 30-32 House gains.
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They did better than expected thanks to a strong showing out west. WY-At Large will end up being decided in a recount and is incredibly close. That the Republicans could end up hanging on for dear life in such a seat is stunning.

5. The miracle of gerrymandering in action: of California's 53 House seats, exactly one changed party control. One. But it was a big one – noted lunatic defense industry hooker Dick Pombo was taken down. In Illinois, none of the 19 seats flipped.

6. I hate Joe Lieberman. Jesus H Tap-Dancing Christ on a Crutch, do I ever hate Joe Lieberman.

The ever changing financial market.

Perhaps everyone simply thought that Mike and I would sit on our laurels and wait for the results of today’s election. That was definitely a faulty opinion. We have actively been trading in this free market of election results hoping to maximize our final 2006 midterm election profits.

I am going to give a quick update on what we have done.

  • Late last night we had made some money on our gamble that the Democrats would win the senate. So, naturally, we sold them out hard. Took our profits and strengthened our position that Democrats would take at least 20 seats in the house.
  • We also noticed some severe pricing irregularities in Rhode Island. The Wall Street Journal was telling us that Chaffee (R) had the momentum in the race. He was also strongly undervalued. As a result, we sold Whitehouse (D) and took a position in favor of Chaffee, it was simply an economic no brainer.



    Come on Chaffee! You're now our guy!

  • Changing position on the Rhode Island race freed up some money for another decent investment. We are now in favor of the Democrats taking the house while the Republicans retain the senate. Mathematically it makes sense; the Democrats will almost surely take the house (even fox news agrees). However, to take the senate they would essentially have to win three coin flip elections. Statistically this is a 12.5% chance, whereas the position was valued at 41%.
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    We also used this money to strengthen our position that the Democrats would take at least 25 seats in the house.
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  • We thought we had found a good value, so we purchased Democrat Ben Cardin (on Ed's advice) in Maryland.
  • Earlier today market fluctuations left us with a wonderful opportunity to back out of or hedge in the House of 30 seats. We moved this back to 35 seats at no cost to us. We are at slightly more risk if the Democrats don't win at least 20 seats, but we do much better if they beat 30.
  • Everything else that isn't mentioned is unchanged.
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    Honestly how could we possibly go against Ed's gut in TN?


    Capitalism at Work!

The American (and partially the Irish) Way.

Mike and I haven't really posted anything on ginandtacos.com for quite some time. It is not that we don't have anything to say, but…no actually it is mostly because we don't have anything to say.

However, all of that changed this evening when we went to Taco Bell to enjoy several of their new menu entree the "Cheesy Gordita Crunch". For the record, the commericals where the texture of said food item is debated are valid in so much as the texture does tend to change in every example of this Gordita, and often within one sample. More to the point, this fine bit of Mexican food got us thinking about the fact that neither of us intended to vote tomorrow. Its not that we don't care, its just that we both kind of forgot to register.

We felt bad not being involved in the democratic process, so obviously we responded the only way we knew how.

By placing 100 American Dollars into the futures market for 2006 midterm election results via a somewhat shady Irish website. We are at least 85% certain that it was legal.



click the above image to see the full resolution image of Mike and Erik buying a Democratic senate
(technically selling the Republicans keeping control)

It seemed quite obvious to us. Mike is obtaining a Masters degree in Financial Engineering, Ed had already supplied us with a bunch of sure fire "winners" and I- well I decided it was exceptionally amusing and was willing to risk 50 of those American dollars.

So here is how it transpired. After we became 85% certain that this was legal, and there was a good likely hood that we could actually get the money back from the Irish, Mike created a 100 dollar account. It was a good sign when his bank accepted the transfer of money (at least we think it was a good sign). When looking at the site, there are options to buy or sell contracts on pretty much every race, and other various overriding situations (for example: the Democrats taking at least 24.5 seats in the house). If you are buying a contract it means you are purchasing your opinion that the event will happen. If you sell a contract it means you are assuming the event will not happen. The moral is that I could simultaneously buy a contract saying that Rod Blagojevich is going to win the Illinois gubernatorial race and sell contracts saying Judy Baar Topinka will win. Mike and I did not do this. That would have been stupid. I am fairly certain even Judy Baar Topinka's mother knows she is going to lose.
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Hence, we would make absolutely no money. We needed to find positions that were fairly volatile, and where Ed had picked the winner in his previous post.

As much as Mike and I are proud to be Americans and were taking great pride in doing our civic duty, we also wanted to make a lot of money. The only way to do this was to place sums of money "against the market". We believed we had superior information (Ed's previous post on election results). We were taking obvious cues from Ed's past performance:


Proven Past Winner

So here is what we did:

Ed tells us that the Democrats are going to win between 23 and 25 seats in the House.

So we took a strong position on the Democrats winning 19.5 seats, a weak position on Democrats winning 24.
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5 seats. And actually sold contracts on the Democrats winning more than 29.5 seats. Essentially we are putting our money on the Democrats taking between 20-30 seats. That's going to be fun to watch.

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The market is saying (in a dramatic fashion) that the Democrats are going to hang onto New Jersey. Mike and I trust Ed's opposite analysis of the race and sold contracts to people believing Bob Menendez would win – we invested in the democrats losing. The margin was better than simply investing in Tom Kean.

Ed Believes that Lincoln Chaffee's luck has run out. That was a position we could invest the hell out of. Particularly since most people in the market still thought Mr. Chaffee had a bit of luck.

Here is a really interesting one. Ed proclaimed his gut was in favor of Harold Ford Jr. in Tennessee. I have seen many bottles of Robert Burnet's London Dry Gin processed by Ed's gut. Even though the market is only 15% certain this will happen, we invested in Ed's gut much like his gut invested in many Taco Bell Grande Meals throughout the years.

We invested in Jim Webb in Virginia.

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We really did not like the political stylings of George "I hate the negros" Allen, and this race was trading at 50-50. Sounded good to us.

Finally, just so that we felt we were doing right by the Democrats we have picked them to win the senate. I know that this is in direct contrast with Ed's opinion, and our pick of Tom Kean in New Jersey, but what the hell. It wasn't a lot of money.

If you are bored with watching traditional exit poll results tomorrow. Take a quick look at some live updating graphs of Mike and My position in the futures market. Bare in mind our position was purchased around 9pm.

Oh, and despite having never watched it and aren't even entirely certain what the format of the show is, we invested money in Joey Lawrence taking it all in Dancing with the Stars.





Here are updating graphs of our official positions: Capitalism at Work!

WHO ARE YOU TO ARGUE WITH SOUTH CAROLINA?

You're nobody, that's who. The State, which calls itself "South Carolina's Homepage," recommends ginandtacos.com. I fear looking around to see what else they recommend.
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Also, hey look! Mike and Erik posted something! While its true that they've come out of the woodwork to make fun of my 2004 predictions, if that's what it takes then so be it.
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THE END

So the campaign is over and within 36 hours you will have voted. Ginandtacos takes this opportunity to serve the public with a review of competitive House and Senate races one final time. We have also put our political oddsmaking balls on the line by making predictions in competitive races – predictions that, come Wednesday, will either leave us open to severe mockery or provide even more evidence of why we rule.

See previous posts on this subject for a review of non-competitive races. To economize time and effort, they will not be re-hashed here.

Continue reading