Drinking Games

Posted on | by Ed

We all love drinking. Drinking is almost always fun. It takes a lot to make it boring. However, sometimes you find yourself with nothing better to do than sit on the couch and watch Dude, Where's My Car? while throwing back some Boone's Wine. As hard as this may be to believe sitting around on the couch can get old after a while. Invariably, someone (usually a semi-literate ex-sorority type of very marginal intelligence) will say, "Let's play drinking games!"

Be very afraid at this point, for The Man has entered the room. Without a doubt, people will begin suggesting the standard numb-nuts drinking games: the "Asshole" card game, watching a movie and drinking every time someone swears, etc etc.

The Man invented these games. Unless you are The Man's little prison bitch, you will not partake. What you will do instead is realize that, as usual, Ginandtacos.

com is here to save you. Select from the following list of hardcore drinking games invented by the authors and you are sure to be the hit of the party. Or, failing that, you will hit everyone at the party. One of the two.

Name the Bottle

You've all heard of 'spin the bottle.' Name the Bottle is its drunken creepy uncle. And the only kissing it involves is with your lips on a bottle of gin. Here's how you play:

  • Get a bunch of glass bottles of liquor. Boone's Wine, hard cider, beer, gin (if you're brave), etc.
  • Go outdoors. Find a flat, hard, vertical surface (side of the house, wall, dumpster, etc)
  • Line up all the participants. On the count of 3, each person chugs the alcoholic beverage they are holding until it is empty.
  • Each participant holds their empty bottle up in the air and gives it a name. Name it after someone you loathe (your ex-boy/girlfriend, bastard professor, boss, parent, or that Scout Leader who put it in your ass)
  • After naming the bottle, each person hurls it with maximum velocity at the wall. The theraputic, cathartic effect of this game should be apparent by now.
  • Repeat as needed, until someone sustains a severe laceration, or the participants are unable to stand.

    Shut Up and Drink the Gin

    You know what the problem with 'Asshole' and all those other standard games is? You hardly get drunk at all. Such games are for total pussies. Playing 'Asshole' with a Miller Lite means that in an hour you're probably going to ingest a whole 1/4 ounce of alcohol. Oh wow, you're so hardcore. Bitch. If you're really hardcore and not a poser, you'll forget Asshole and start playing Shut Up and Drink the Gin.

  • Gather in a circle. Each person needs a shot glass.

    At the center of the circle should be a deck of cards and a bottle of Sir Robert Burnett's London Dry Gin (or any other acceptable shot-pounding liquor).

  • Fill the shot glasses. Pick one person to start the game.
  • The first player draws a card and looks at it. If the player can tell what card
    it is, he/she must do a shot of gin.

  • Go around the circle repeating this process. When you can't tell what card you've drawn, you can stop. You may also want to stop if someone dies. Which is likely.

    The Immanuel Kant Drinking Game

    Trust us on this one. It may sound a little snotty and pretentious, but it's fun for more than just philosophy majors. Only illiterate fucks who think the Chicago Sun-Times is intellectually stimulating will refuse to play and discover this game's hardcoreness.

  • Everyone grab a shot glass or alcoholic beverage.
  • Procure a copy of Kant's Critique of Pure Reason
  • Open to any random page and start reading aloud. When Kant uses the phrase "a priori" you must stop and everyone has to pound a shot or take a hit off a drink.
  • Pass the book to the next person and continue.
    You may be thinking that this game sounds pretty lame. But if you have ever read Kant, you are fully aware that the man had a physical disorder that prevented him from writing a paragraph without using the phrase "a priori" at least twice.

    Everyone will be bombed after one chapter. And hey, your stupid ass might actually learn something.

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