What is "soon", Alex?

Don't get me wrong, it's been a hoot watching VH-1 turn from the "adult contemporary MTV" to Viacom's opening salvo in the media trust's battle to continually downwardly-revise the lowest common denominator. But under the new ownership, it has become the Wilco to MTV's Weezer……you have to switch from one to the other after you turn 21, but no matter how much your goatee-stroking friends pretend it has artistic merit, it's every bit as annoying and vacuous.

Let me summarize every fucking show on VH-1 for the past couple of years.

"Hey, remember _______? Dude, I TOTALLY remember that. That was AWESOME. God, the 80s were so wacky. I love talking about old things, it's way easier than thinking of new things."

As Viacom's corporate tentacles have expanded to take in more media outlets, the aforementioned VH-1 shows have simply become a nonsensical pastiche of promotional appearances for other Viacom products. Not only is the concept of sitting around talking about The Facts of Life and Kajagoogoo asinine beyond belief, but further abstracting the process from reality by having Hal Sparks, the staff of Blender Magazine, ESPN's Stuart Scott, Matt Pinifield, and a parade of other Disney/ABC/ESPN/Paramount/Infinity Broadcasting/MTV stars comment on said phenomena simply takes the spectacle from idiotic to surreal.

So the next time you're sitting around staring at "I Love 1984" or "The Top 100 _________ of All Time" (or whatever other stock-footage, low-production-cost thinly-disguised commercial for the Paramount back catalog you happen to be staring at) please remember that evolution didn't stop when we grew fucking thumbs. Accordingly, it may be beneficial to partake of something new that might expand your mind or develop some new ideas rather than sitting around and watching clips of things you hated when they came out but have turned into cultural icons through the vomit-stained lens of nostalgia.

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  • I used to work for a Viacom subsidiary. They regularly attached weights to my testicles for fun.

  • I love the fact that, with all the bands in the world, you consider enjoying Wilco the very height of musical pretense.

    I also love how VH1 finds a way to work in Madonna and Michael Jackson into each and every top 100 list. Top 100 Black Artists? Madonna = #3.

    I can't go too hard on 80s obsessives because I'm pre-emptively making myself feel better about the 90s nostalgia wave I'll go through when it's marketable in about 4 years. Remember Quake? Dana Carvey? My So-Called Life? Flannel? Yeah…

  • Well I've yet to hear anyone who likes Wilco explain how they are not the Barenaked Ladies aged by ten years and sedated for XRT.

    I didn't say it was the height of musical pretense, it's just running a close second to Radiohead in the "to prove I have outgrown Q101, I will heap praise on this band which is not really much different" race.

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