So I just got back from an academic conference in Hawaii.
Let me assure you that the primary purpose of my visit was professional, but nonetheless I was looking forward to experiencing this magical, non-contiguous former colonial posession's vacationing glories as well.
Here is my succinct review of Hawaii as a destination: Waste of Money.
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Yes, the weather is very nice. Yes, it's got 70 miles of beach and coastline. Yes, pineapple is abundant. But good god I cannot do justice to the amount that the place is overcrowded. It has reached and far exceeded capacity. Driving anywhere requires a lengthy sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic. And the city of Honolulu is a complete piece of shit. The non-tourist parts are slums that look sort of like Gary, Indiana with palm trees. The tourist parts are nauseating. It is exactly like Wisconsin Dells meets Orlando meets the Vegas Strip (minus the casinos). The Waikiki Beach area, one of the most famous strips in the world, is a repeating series of t-shirt/trinket stores, porn shops, and gun clubs (the Japanese, who outnumber the American tourists 10 to 1, apparently love shooting ranges). It is tacky and strip-mall feeling. And everywhere you go there are just mobs and mobs of aimlessly-wandering people.
The tourists, aside from being too numerous, are the irritating fat suburban midwestern kind who spend loads of money to fly halfway around the world to shop at the same stores and eat at the same restaurants they have at home.
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The three hour wait outside the Waikiki Olive Garden (I checked, it actually was 3 hours) makes a ton of sense, because I'm positive that it offers an experience significantly different from that of the Orland Park Olive Garden.
Now, this reflects my experience on Oahu. The situation may be noticeably better on other Hawaiian Islands.
But seeing as how most of them are much smaller, I sincerely doubt that the crowds will be any less wall-to-wall. In addition, Oahu was so expensive that by the time you added in the additional expenses to get to the other islands, you'd have spent so much money that you might as well go to Samoa, Fiji, or somewhere else there is guaranteed to be no crowds.
In short, there's nothing you can experience in Hawaii that you couldn't get in Key West, Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, Belize, the D.R., Southern California, or many places in Mexico. And in any of those places you could pay for your entire trip with the $700 it costs just for a plane ticket to Hawaii.
America has once again proven itself to be the nation of sheep people, because god knows it would be entirely too difficult to actually think of someplace better to vacation. God forbid any of our citizens think about the situation as opposed to just saying "It's vacation time…..where to, Florida or Hawaii?" like button-punching drones. It's pathetic when sitting in traffic and buying stuff are so central to people's lives that they need to, or at least are willing to, do it while on a very expensive vacation that is theoretically supposed to be relaxing.
karen says:
Actually of all the hawaiian islands, you visited the worst. Indeed, you might as well have gone to Ft. Lauderdale, and since every last thing in hawaii has to be imported, even if you are in an apt/rental condo, eating is insanely expensive. However, as someone who has been all over the caribbean and mexico, I disagree about being able to get what Hawaii has to offer anywhere. Kauai, which I have been to twice over the years, is absolutely the most beautiful place I have been to thus far in my life. AND completely uncrowded. The big island is similarly cool and uncrowded.
Frankly, the sad truth is that the majority of American tourists are horrible and an embarassement. You been to carribbean islands crowded with folks from Long Island? Try that shit out. it sucks.
And stay away from malls when you are on vacation. You shouldnt even know how long the lines are at the Olive Garden given your patronizing tone about culture. sheesh.
Craig says:
You definitely went to the wrong place. You assesment of Honolulu is correct, it does suck, but don't draw a conclusion of all the islands based on Honolulu. Prior to going to the Big Island, I never understood why people continuously went on vacation to the same place. I have now been to Hawaii three times, I was that enchanted with the Big Island. I did go to Honolulu once for a few days, basically to see Pearl Harbor, and I realized how crappy Honolulu was. I have never been back. Stay off of Oahu and you'll be fine.
KFH says:
It's been said, but I'll repeat it, Honolulu does suck. Sucks big, hairy, donkey balls. Honolulu was one of the most over-rated, crappy vacations I ever went on. There I was in "paradise", desperate to get home. And there are going to be kitschy t shirt stands, Olive Gardens, and obnoxious tourists no matter where you go but the smaller islands are a little nicer.
I like Maui as I have friends there but am really looking forward to my next visit to Hawaii, to (wonderfully) oft over-looked big island and Volcano National Park.
Ed says:
By the time I could save enough to get back there, I will either be too old to care or we will have sold the islands to Japan.
Anonymous says:
there is no olive garden in honolulu. nice try tho.