A: FEDORAS AND SPEAKING

Q: What are "Two things that make George Bush look stupid," Alex?

Correct, for $500.

While browsing a CNN Story about a deadly mortar attack in Baghdad today, I could not help but stare in shock and awe at this photo:

patrol.jpg
The Iraqi 1st Heavy Armored Batallion readies its artillery for action

I would like to point out the state of armament of the troops to whom our President claims we are in the process of transferring power. After a double-take, I ascertained that the troops are on patrol in a Ford Expedition with the letters "ING" (Iraqi National Guard) spray-painted by hand on the side. This combat-ready vehicle is armed with what appears to be a hand-me-down, obsolete Soviet-era Kalishnakov AK-74 7.62mm machine gun hastily welded to the top of the SUV. Mind you, it's clip-fed, meaning it has about 4 seconds of firing capacity before it needs reloading.

The soldier in the foreground is brandishing a Chinese knock-off of the WWII-era Soviet RPG, accurate to about 50 yards and downright useless against an enemy on foot.

I may be incorrect, and I will call my local Ford dealership to verify this if necessary, but the Ford Expedition provides about as much protection from ballistics as a raincoat. I'm sure its 1/64" thick sheet metal, which is easily dented by a shopping cart, can withstand rifle fire. Not to mention that it is wheeled, not tracked, and therefore explosives can be rolled underneath it.

Oh, and by the way, it has a lot of windows. Windows don't offer all that much protection. That's why military vehicles that are expected to see combat don't have them.

So, good luck to the Iraqi National Guard. They are clearly ready to assume the duty of defending their nation against an enemy with which even the biggest, best, and most well-equipped army on Earth has its hands full. To paraphrase Reagan's famous civil defense pronouncement, everyone's gonna make it as long as there are enough used Fords to go around.

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8 Responses to “A: FEDORAS AND SPEAKING”

  1. mike Says:

    always with the negative! Let's focus on the positives.

    1) The car probably has power-locks, so the terrorists won't be able to open the car doors while it is sitting at a red-light.

    2) The car appears to have working headlights, which are an ample substitute for the night-vision technology that is giving the U.S. a huge boost against the terrorists.

    I still can't get over the ING. It looks like something my friends and I in grade school would do for our kid clubs.

  2. Ed Says:

    And it can tow boats. Don't forget about boats. Expeditions in commercials and print ads are always towing boats.

  3. kat Says:

    i was looking for how they armor these vehicles which i seem to remember from some diplomatic scenes on west wing and found this:
    http://www.cars.com/carsapp/national/?srv=parser&act=display&tf=/features/conversion/professional2.tmpl

    i'm not sure if i'm more disturbed by what they can do or the way they assume that an ordinary citizen might want this as protection from "Carlos the Jackal." i personally feel the need to have the "handgun-protected" jetta…with self-identification spraypainted on the side.

  4. Ed Says:

    If you read the post again…..or have it read to you….you can see it says "AK-74" and not AK-47.

    I love people who post long rants in response to what they mistakenly believe they read.

  5. Viny Says:

    Righto, so only 5 out of 6 assertions are wrong. My bad.

  6. mike Says:

    "but given that the rebels can't seem to hit a damn thing anyway, i'm not sure that's a huge problem. "

    There are 1,000 americans who, if able to, would disagree with that statement.

    Even worse, you are saying that like 3 days after rebels executed 50 Iraqi soldiers at gunpoint – I would imagine those shot in the back of the head would find that to be a 'huge problem.'

  7. Ed Says:

    Your arguments were so idiotic that I didn't really feel compelled to address them.

    "Rebels" can't hit a moving vehicle? Bush isn't claiming that the ING is ready to start taking over the duties of our military?

    What other "assertions" did you make? If you want your post responded to, try posting something remotely coherent. As far as I can tell, 60% of your post is about how that's a heavy machine gun that can "spit out 10 rounds per second" on top of the truck, when it is in fact an AK-74 (which you clearly either can't read or don't know what it is) which is obsolete soviet-era equipment with what appears to be a 30-40 round magazine. Which, at the weapon's stated rate of fire, offers 3 seconds of continuous fire.

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