Posted in Rants on October 29th, 2004 by Ed

Who needs'em.

The whole state is nothing but America's prostate gland – something that no one pays attention to until it starts acting up. At this point, discussions about the election should move forward with the given assumption that Florida will be swindled away by the Republicans. Again. So be it.

Of eight polls taken in Ohio in the last 10 days, six of them show Kerry with a lead outside of the margin of error. In Pennsylvania, Kerry remains in the margin of error but has led a succession of polls over the last 2 weeks. Taking that into account, here's an electoral college map giving Bush every conceivable benefit of the doubt in other swing states, including Florida, but assuming that the Ohio polls are right and Kerry wins.

Humans 272, Fascists 266

Look at the number of swing states being conceded to Bush in this scenario: Iowa, New Mexico, Nevada, West Virginia, and even big-ass Florida. Bear in mind that Gore won NM and Iowa. And the only assumptions being made in Kerry's favor are that he:

A) Has the lead in Ohio that polls indicate he does
B) Will win New Hampshire, a progressive state that Bush was shocked to win in 2000

Pretty reasonable assumptions, right? If anything, it's being overly generous to Bush. Kerry still appears to have a slight advantage in Iowa and the race in Florida is an absolute statistical tie.

So suck it, Florida. You devolved, homonculous retards can vote however the fuck you want and do whatever you feel like with the ballots afterwards. Vote on an Etch-a-Sketch for all I care. Toss ballots into the ocean. Disenfranchise every black voter in the state. It doesn't matter. Kerry's decisive momentum swing in Ohio – a state I gave up for dead a month ago – has rendered Florida irrelevant even under scenarios extremely favorable to Bush in other swing states.

In other words, I'm going on record and saying that we will in fact know who the President is when we wake up on Wednesday. As hard as Brother Jeb and the other little demon spawn in Florida will try to turn the election into another 3 month long legal battle, it's not going to matter. That state of mulleted, drooling, Skynyrd-loving mongoloids can entertain itself in court for as long as it likes. So long as the good people of Ohio exercise an iota of critical thinking skills – and polling now indicates that they will – America's wang will remain irrelevant. Just like it should.