YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK FLORIDA. RIGHT IN THE ASS.

Who needs'em.

The whole state is nothing but America's prostate gland – something that no one pays attention to until it starts acting up. At this point, discussions about the election should move forward with the given assumption that Florida will be swindled away by the Republicans. Again. So be it.

Of eight polls taken in Ohio in the last 10 days, six of them show Kerry with a lead outside of the margin of error. In Pennsylvania, Kerry remains in the margin of error but has led a succession of polls over the last 2 weeks. Taking that into account, here's an electoral college map giving Bush every conceivable benefit of the doubt in other swing states, including Florida, but assuming that the Ohio polls are right and Kerry wins.

CAY3SPIB.png
Humans 272, Fascists 266

Look at the number of swing states being conceded to Bush in this scenario: Iowa, New Mexico, Nevada, West Virginia, and even big-ass Florida. Bear in mind that Gore won NM and Iowa. And the only assumptions being made in Kerry's favor are that he:

A) Has the lead in Ohio that polls indicate he does
B) Will win New Hampshire, a progressive state that Bush was shocked to win in 2000

Pretty reasonable assumptions, right? If anything, it's being overly generous to Bush. Kerry still appears to have a slight advantage in Iowa and the race in Florida is an absolute statistical tie.

So suck it, Florida. You devolved, homonculous retards can vote however the fuck you want and do whatever you feel like with the ballots afterwards. Vote on an Etch-a-Sketch for all I care. Toss ballots into the ocean. Disenfranchise every black voter in the state. It doesn't matter. Kerry's decisive momentum swing in Ohio – a state I gave up for dead a month ago – has rendered Florida irrelevant even under scenarios extremely favorable to Bush in other swing states.

In other words, I'm going on record and saying that we will in fact know who the President is when we wake up on Wednesday. As hard as Brother Jeb and the other little demon spawn in Florida will try to turn the election into another 3 month long legal battle, it's not going to matter. That state of mulleted, drooling, Skynyrd-loving mongoloids can entertain itself in court for as long as it likes. So long as the good people of Ohio exercise an iota of critical thinking skills – and polling now indicates that they will – America's wang will remain irrelevant. Just like it should.

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15 Responses to “YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK FLORIDA. RIGHT IN THE ASS.”

  1. mike Says:

    What's your thoughts on Wisconsin? I'm hearing more and more about it also coming down to there as well.

  2. Ed Says:

    I think Kerry will hold it. Madison and Milwaukee turnout should be enough to trump the rest of the state.

    With all the volunteers flooding into the state to help increase turnout, I think they can hold it. Feingold retains a lead in his race, which is a good sign.

  3. Ed Says:

    Allow me to restate that: Feingold retains a BIG lead in his race. Which is a good sign.

    The simple fact is that half the state's population lives in two counties, and they're both liberal.

  4. kat Says:

    well, your estimation is good news considering that florida has already lost tens of thousands of ballots. geinus.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/3960679.stm

  5. CamWhore Says:

    So the red states are represented in blue? The blue states are represented in red?

  6. Amy Says:

    Exit polls in Florida show Kerry with a significant lead. Thirty percent of the state has already cast their ballots, 51% favoring Kerry. Maybe democrats are over eager, but I don't think so. I think Kerry will win this election, and not by a tiny margin as the popular press would have us believe. (But a tight race is oh so much more interesting, isn't it?)

    http://www.usatoday.com/news/politicselections/nation/polls/2004-10-31-poll-x_x.htm

  7. Kathy Says:

    Why so harsh on the people of Florida?? We're NOT the one's who gave the election to Bush…..He stole it along with his buds. The people of FL don't want Bush (and didn't in 2000) any more than any of the rest of the country. We can't help it that Bush is a thief! We go out and vote…..and what happens to our votes beyond that point is anybody's guess……Many, many of them have already been thrown out for us this election, too. Seems like they're trying to make it not quite as transparent as the last time they disposed of our votes….but it's not working. It's still just as clear as anything.

  8. Ed Says:

    I disagree that the 2000 election was "stolen" as much as it was bungled away. If 23,000 people in Palm Beach could have managed to figure out how to punch the right hole in the ballot, there would have been no issue. However, by choosing a confusing ballot and then proceeding to vote improperly on it, the door was left wide open for all manner of challenges and chicanery.

    As much as I have sympathy for people (especially the elderly) being subjected to a confusing method of voting, the fact remains that the entire fiasco could have been avoided by people following the little arrow and punching the right hole. And the other part of me has no sympathy for people who can't figure out how to do that.

  9. Glen Says:

    Wow. In retrospect this is exactly what happened. Good call…I'll keep you in mind for next election…..except for fucking Ohio which let us down.

    Thanks for nothing Ohio!

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  13. C. John Smith Says:

    You guys lost. Get over it. Take that stupid Red "49" sign out of your window and get on with your lives.

  14. Jen Says:

    YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT TO JUDGE THE WHOLE STATE OF FLORIDA BASED ON THE RETARDED DUMBASSES OF THE GOVERNMENT, IT DOESN'T MEAN EVERY PERSON IN THE STATE AGREES WITH IT, OR THE WHOLE STATE OF FLORIDA IS A BUNCH OF LOSERS. EVERYONE'S GOT THEIR OWN LIFE, SO FUCK YOUR STATE RIGHT IN THE ASS, BITCHFACE, AND SUCK FLORIDA'S BIG DICK!!!!!

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