RELIGIOUS CONSERVATIVES: THEY MUST BE REAL, BECAUSE I COULDN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP

I would kill to be clever enough to make this shit up. But I can't, so please read this carefully with the reassuring knowledge that it is not some horrible, horrible dream.

On October 6, Sen. Charles Grassley (R-IA) quoted an Associated Press story on his website under the title "Tax Cutter in Chief." What a snappy title! Here's a quick excerpt.

Bush signs Tax Relief Act
By DAVID PITT Associated Press Writer
The Associated Press
DES MOINES, Iowa

Bush introduced Mike and Sharla Hintz, a couple from Clive, whom he said benefited from his tax plan. Last year, because of the enhanced the child tax credit, they received an extra $1,600 in their tax refund, Bush said. With other tax cuts in the bill, they saved $2,800 on their income taxes.

Mike Hintz, a First Assembly of God youth pastor, said the tax cuts also gave him additional money to use for health care. He said he supports Bush's values. "The American people are starting to see what kind of leader President Bush is. People know where he stands," he said.

"Where we are in this world, with not just the war on terror, but with the war with our culture that's going on, I think we need a man that is going to be in the White House like President Bush, that's going to stand by what he believes."

Pretty standard Happy Horseshit press release, right? Some small-town pastor at a Protestant church supports Bush. Not exactly Pulitzer material. Fast forward to December 7:

Des Moines youth pastor is charged with the sexual exploitation of a child.

"KCCI learned that the married father of four recently turned himself in to Johnston police. Rev. Mike Hintz was fired from the First Assembly of God Church, located at 2725 Merle Hay Road, on Oct. 30. Hintz was the youth pastor there for three years. Police said he started an affair with a 17-year-old in the church youth group this spring."

I'm telling you, people. The louder they yell and the harder they thump the Bible, the more they're hiding. I can only hope and pray that the 17 year old is male. Because really, that would just be the trifecta of conservative hypocrisy: adulterous, homosexual statutory rape.

Be Sociable, Share!

7 Responses to “RELIGIOUS CONSERVATIVES: THEY MUST BE REAL, BECAUSE I COULDN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP”

  1. Liz Says:

    That is fucking beautiful.

  2. Taylor Says:

    Why doesn't CNN, The Times or MSN cover this shit?

  3. Ed Says:

    Because they exist mostly to provide entertainment and shill products for whatever media conglomerate owns them. If you ever want a good belly laugh, read the movie and music reviews in Time Magazine for Warner Bros. productions.

    It's a hoot.

  4. kat Says:

    wait. so if somebody commits statutory rape then that individual saves money on income taxes? brain hurts now.

  5. Happy Says:

    well as long as he's not some kind of communist….

  6. will Says:

    Hey buddy, I agree that it is a shame for what Mike Hintz did. I, however, think it is crap that you would link this to Christianity. It is clear that this is not Christian just by the mere fact that he was fired immediately after the allegations came to light. Hintz followed his flesh and not God in what he did. How many other people have done the same thing and haven't had the press. It is a shame when anyone takes advantage of their position as a counselor and should face the fullness of the law. If Hintz wasn't a preacher do you think it would have made the news. Heck no! So please don't link this to Christianity. What if it was a Jewish Rabi, Muslem Cleric, or even an atheist? Most people whether they believe in God or not know that what Hintz did is deplorable. It isn't a matter of faith except for the fact that he needs to repent and get right with God and also do the time for his crime.

  7. Bonnie Pingler Says:

    Howard Stern's ball sack