Move over, Bill Frist. Don't worry, I won't steal any of your camera time, nor will I cut into your keynote address at the Inbred Bible Thumper convention this weekend. But I have a message that is every bit as urgent as your plaintive ass-kissing in preparation for 2008.

For those of you who don't know – and I will assume that to include everyone – I have been drafted into service by a Prominent Local Band known as Tremendous Fucking (or "TremFu" for PG-13 purposes). The band is rather ass-kicking, although I can assure you this has little to do with me. The Obligatory Bands You Know Analogy would probably the Jesus Lizard and Trenchmouth knife-fighting for the right to sodomize the Pixies. Band rules require pseudonyms, so I am to be known as Grover Cleveland Steamer, a name that combines my two greatest loves: political history and scatalogical humor.

This band tends to go through drummers like Spinal Tap, so it may be more appropriate to call me Mick Shrimpton or Stumpy Joe. In any case, please patronize this band soon, i.e. before they kick me out in August.

Our ass-blasting new album, Thanks for Nothing, is available for the entirely reasonable cost of five American dollars from Higher Step Records. For those wishing to celebrate our entire catalog, please consider shelling out a few more hard-earned dollars for the debut album How's My Fucking? on the same label. Or if you're really feeling punchy, email us for a "How's My Fucking? Dial 1-800-TREMENDOUS" bumper sticker. will soon be providing information on our exciting, continent-spanning World Tour, on which our live performances will answer questions such as "How many times can the f-word be used in 20 minutes?" and "What's that smell?" Until then (and if you're a huge tool who can't shell out $5 to support the rock) satiate yourself with mp3s of our multi-zirconium hits Now Look What You've Done and Just Like Burt Fucking Reynolds.

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  1. K Says:

    Dude. What happened to Deuce Deuce?

    I didn't know you played, Ed. This may call for a road trip.

  2. mike Says:

    Do you have to grow a beard to play in this band?

    also – get your asses to chicago.

  3. Kissenhuellen Says:

    I think the sound is getting a little rough. Sometimes it is better to just move your ass to chicago. ;)

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