How derelict is it to maintain a website about gin and tacos without making sure that the public is properly informed about how best to enjoy these foods? Very derelict.
Come, take my hand. I am going to review the absolute basics for proper gin and taco enjoyment. You will be a better person by the end of this piece. We will focus on gin first.
On October 9th, 1999 the founding members of the Ginandtacos Corporation convened in Champaign, Illinois with the goal of getting drunk and eating tacos. Confounded by rising gin prices and pretentious college students attempting to tell us that Bombay Sapphire was “good gin” we set out to locate a cheaper gin. Having been previously offended by your mainstream cheap gin manufacturers (McCormick, Aristocrat, and Gordon’s come to mind) we decided to find a cheaper gin. Ed Burmila told a story of a cheap gin named “Crystal Palace” that sold for around $4.50 a bottle with a 1 dollar rebate coupon. Unfortunately, we were informed by local liquor stores that such shit was only sold “up north.”
This did not bother us. We knew that a cheaper gin could be found. After many long hours searching all the liquor stores we finally decided on a regal looking green bottle. This gin was none other than Sir Robert Burnett’s White Satin. When we purchased this bottle we had no idea the legacy that we were starting.
And so it began. That Christmas, Mike and I purchased for Ed a case (12 bottles) or Sir Robert’s finest, thus utilizing bulk discounts to make it the single cheapest per bottle price on gin any of us have ever paid.
Over the years many things changed, but Sir Robert Burnett remained cheap. The simultaneous dirt-cheap price and fine flavor encouraged the ginandtacos.com staff to probe deeper into the mythology of this fine brand. Since 1990 the American version of this gin has been produced by Heaven Hill’s distilleries in Bardstown, Kentucky. (Known for manufacturing, distributing and marketing a fucking ton of shitty spirits) In 2002 Heaven Hill purchased the rights to distribute the gin worldwide (excepting Japan for some reason). Kentucky then became a premium source for London Dry Gin – and unfortunately leaving us with an inadequate “Heaven Hill” website to find out the history of this product.
The website seems to agree that the gin was first produced in 1770. However, the two websites seem confused as to whether a man named “Thomas Burnett” or “Robert Burnett” was the man that first developed this elixir of the gods. Our original thought was that possibly Thomas was Robert’s father, however that quickly faded into fear that Robert Burnett was actually a mythical figure and we had simply been fed lies from the Kentucky gin producers- not an altogether unlikely conclusion.
The first bit of evidence was the fact that Heaven Hill claimed that Robert Burnett perfected his recipe in 1770 when he was Lord Mayor of London.
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This would have been a great story- if it were true. A quick search reveals no one with the last name of Burnett to have been Lord Mayor until the 1900’s and a list for 20 years around 1770 reveals no Robert or Thomas Burnett.
Here is what my search revealed.
(All citations from the Times of London)
On June 2nd 1790. Robert Burnett Esq served as a steward at something called the “Constitutional Society.
” This society was celebrating “His Majesty’s birthday.” Tickets for this event were 5 “s”. I have no idea what denomination of money “s” is (shilling, sterling?) nor do I have any frame of reference to indicate whether 5 of them is dirt-cheap. What we do know is that the announcement makes reference to wine being included in the price- presumably gin was an extra cost.
Regardless, Robert Burnett comes to testify on the behalf of Stack, who apparently owned (owns?) a bar. And guess who one of his liquor distributors was? None other than Robert Burnett. We now know that Robert Burnett not only existed, but primary sources put him as a distributor of liquors. I am fairly certain that, in the 18th century, when you were selling liquor to “public houses” you were not simply a middleman, you were producing the stuff.
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Now we are talking.
Unfortunately, none of my research resulted in specific reference to gin. This is primarily due to the fact that the only available source to me was the Times of London, although there might have been advertisements for Burnett’s Gin in the Times, they did not come through on the search. Someone with more experience in alcohol oriented history could possibly do better.
When contacted, Heaven Hill Distilleries did not respond to allegations that their history of Robert Burnett was inaccurate.
As a final note, when calling Ancestry.com to cancel my trial membership I was asked why I no longer wanted the service. Not wanting to say: "because it costs 100 dollars," I simply informed the fellow that it didn't suit my needs. When asked what those needs were, I politely informed him that I was doing research on important historical figures as they relate to my company- Ginandtacos.com.
(Editor's note: this represents the first part of the Ginaissance series, ably described in Erik's May 6 entry)
We are all well-acquainted with the powers and benefits of gin; to recount them here, even during The Ginaissance, would be superfluous. Instead we cordially invite you to take a walk down memory lane with us as we look at some of the highlights in the history of gin and its soulmate the taco.
When I was 16 I got my first proper job. I got the job in the winter at a shop that sold Outdoor clothing and ski equipment, which, as summer rolled around quickly became an outlet for patio furniture and home gyms. It was at this job that I first became fully acquainted with the concept of the "lunch break.
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" Back in Des Moines, Iowa, we had a chain of fast food taco establishments known as Taco John's. One of these purveyors of fine Mexican food at a fair price happened to be a block away from where I worked. This, of course, resulted in many a taco consumed on breaks. My life, unbeknownst to me, was about to change- a friend of mine found employment at a Taco John's across town. The first day our work hours overlapped, I decided to drive to his Taco John's instead of the one nearby. I returned to work nearly an hour later with a huge bag full of overflowing "custom" fast food tacos at a heavily discounted price. When my boss began yelling at me for taking such a massive quantity of time for lunch, I calmly explained to him that my friend worked at the Taco John's across town and gave me a large discount…
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and would he like a Taco? He proceeded to eat the taco and never question my lunchtime outings again.
Brian Hannan eventually quit that job (as a result of an increasing quantity of nausea in him and his friends from the constant taco smell on his person) but the memories of discounted tacos live on…that’s right Brian, if you actually read this, I am talking about you.
Fast forward to the Christmas season of 1999. I was drunk at my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary party in Tucson, Arizona.
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(For all of you who know the story, yes it was the one where I tried to urinate out the patio door in my parents’ room in the condo where we were staying and needed to be led to the toilet by my mother) I was approached by two other college students who spent far too much time working on their websites and far too little time working on their schoolwork. The concept was that we could increase our procrastination threshold, and celebrate "Gin and Tacos"- two things that the three of us held dear in our hearts. Thus, Ginandtacos.com was born.
Five and a half years later, we at the Ginandtacos.com Corporation have noticed that our attention to Gin and Taco related content has begun to wane. Aside from the ever popular Gin Reviews and the always insightful Taco Doctor there seems as though we have been lax in our duty to provide the viewing public with all their gin and tacos oriented needs.
We at Ginandtacos.com believe that the time has come, and hence we bring you…..
That’s right, starting on Monday the 9th of May Ginandtacos.com will post a weeks work of daily Gin and Taco oriented content. I hope you all enjoy it as much as we do.
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In the meantime, I encourage all of you to share your favorite gin and or taco oriented memory.
For the past year, there's been an amusing real-time experiment in "god bless the internet" taking place at the hands of a bench-warming NBA player named Paul Shirley. A former Bulls backup, he now plays for the league's best team, the Phoenix Suns.
Shirley is basically that guy who flunked out of college his freshman year because he played too much Goldeneye except that he happens to be 6'11". Like all good nerds, he decided to start a blog. Except unlike every other blog on Earth ("God, my mom is such a bitch", "No one likes me", "I hate Bush") his blog is about…well, all those things that don't make it into NBA promo commercials.
The crux of it (and the league has repeatedly tried to censor him) is that he would write long entries about how half the players in the league play stoned on any given night and how an alarming number of Your Favorite Stars can't string three words together without getting another stripper pregnant. Sample: "I am not going to suggest that the Miami Heat just went to some local titty bar and hired the whole roster as their dance team. Instead, I will simply say that I was impressed with their dancing abilities." It was good, good stuff.
Anyway, this phenomenon went to a new level for me in his April 24 entry when he talks about going to a Local H concert. Mind you, his team is in the thick of the playoffs. The life of an NBA player is presented as either A) playing basketball or B) attending high-priced NY/Miami/LA nightclub events with one's entourage in an appropriately ostentatious Hummer. Not Paul Shirley.
Kobe Bryant: "I'm attending Beyonce's private birthday party at '21' in Manhattan."
Shaq: "I'm spending extra hours in the film room preparing for the next playoff series."
Paul Shirley: "I hope they play 'Son of Cha' tonight."
Ginandtacos.com salutes you, Paul. You are officially our favorite undeserving millionaire.
Monday May 16th, Thomas Frank will be in town to support the paperback edition of his excellent "What's the Matter with Kansas?", a book I could (and will) go on at length about if asked. Here's his schedule:
Chicago Council on Foreign Relations, 5:30 – 7:30, featurinng a "Lecture, discussion, and book signing."
Hideout, (a local dive bar/small indie-venue for you not in Chicago), 9pm.
Yes that's right. I'd like to think that this is a particularly Chicago (where he lived for quite some time) kind of cool – "First I'm going to address the Council on Foreign Relations, then I'm heading off to the Hideout.
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" Could you imagine the afterhours that are normally planned for speakers?
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Let's pretend that I've suddenly become a giant author whose punditry and thoughts were high in demand on the national level. If I were to address a prestigious gathering, I'd like to think that I would then avoid having the big money afterhours downtown and instead tell everyone gathered to head to Delilah's or Ola's Liquors, but I can't be sure one way or the other. But I now know that Thomas Frank would, and that makes me very happy.
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