ANONYMOUS SOURCES = MILITARY P.R. BOILERPLATE

Well this has to be my favorite news item of the year so far. A few days ago, eagle-eyed observers noticed that a certain quote from an "Iraqi citizen who preferred not to be identified" in an Army press release sounded an awful lot like a quote from an earlier press release. Today, the military has issued an apology for this "administrative error."

More of the liberal media picking on the poor military-industrial complex? You decide. Here's a quote from an anonymous Iraqi citizen in a July 13 press release:

'The terrorists are attacking the infrastructure, the children and all of Iraq,' said one Iraqi man who preferred not to be identified. 'They are enemies of humanity without religion or any sort of ethics. They have attacked my community today and I will now take the fight to the terrorists.'

Stirring. Truly stirring. Now, a quote from another anonymous Iraqi on Sunday, July 24:

'The terrorists are attacking the infrastructure, the ISF and all of Iraq. They are enemies of humanity without religion or any sort of ethics. They have attacked my community today and I will now take the fight to the terrorists,' said one Iraqi man who preferred not to be identified.

Well, that should put to rest any concerns you might have about the veracity of military media output. Like any advertising firm or magazine, the Army has a bunch of poorly-paid college kids (does the military have interns?) sitting around churning out boilerplate "stock footage", if you will, to perk up the daily body count.

I applaud the military for its efficiency – thanks for recycling, guys! – but condemn its lack of creativity. If you're gonna make shit up, go nuts. Ginandtacos recommends the following (attn: military – feel free to use these!)

  • At the scene of the bombing, an Iraqi citizen who asked to remain anonymous said "I detest this insurgent violence and eagerly await the day when the might of the American armed forces can help me, a newly-converted Evangelical Christian, rid the world of the brown Islamic horde."
  • "Poorly aimed airstrikes demolished my home and killed 6 of my children, but I'm happy to pay this price to rid my neighborhood of insurgents and make it safe for multinational investors" shouted one man from the assembled crowd.
  • In the line of hundreds – maybe thousands – of Iraqi men clamoring to join the Iraqi Defense Force, one man who preferred to remain anonymous said "The only honor greater than this was getting to meet Triple H and Kid Rock on the USO tour."
  • As they fled the scene of their bloody attack, an insurgent shouted "My murderous actions would be impossible without the liberal American media and their allies in public Universities. Allah is great."
  • Concerned Iraqi citizens shouted, "The bloodshed will not end until Judge Janice Rogers Brown gets an up-or-down vote in the Senate."

  • Man, maybe I missed my calling.

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    2 Responses to “ANONYMOUS SOURCES = MILITARY P.R. BOILERPLATE”

    1. mike Says:

      "I find the whole Abu Ghirab 'scandal' to be overblown; my many brothers did such hazing gags on me all the time growing up" said one anonymous source, whom it should be noted used air-quotes with the word scandal.

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