OK, LET'S GO OVER THIS REAL FUCKING SLOWLY

This is the United States. It is the same United States map that has been in use for the past half-century. In fact, the continental portion of it has been unchanged since the admission of Arizona to our union in 1912.

I will give you a minute to study it.

united-states-map.jpg

Apparently the majority of college students have never seen this map before today. National Geographic and Roper have done a survey and found, to almost no one's surprise, that geography is yet another subject in which American college students are fucking retards.

For the record and before we get started, my nephew is 3 and can put together an entire floor-map puzzle of the United States. And when I hold up one of the state quarters, he tells me the state and it's motto.
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"Uncle Ed, that's Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes.
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"

He's 3.

Thirty-three percent of college students, however, can't find Louisiana. Hurricane Katrina must not have helped, because LA is much harder for them to find than Ohio (which is identifiable to a whopping 50%) and New York (43%).

Don't even get me started on how they fared with the global map. Let's just say it isn't pretty, and 75% of them think English is the most widely spoken native language on Earth. Read the link for yourself if you're curious about whether or not they can find India, Iraq, or Israel (hint: they can't).

Am I being an unfair elitist here? What the fuck is so fucking hard about this? Let's start with some basics. Up in the northeast (that's the top right hand side of the map. Your right hand is….no, the other hand. Look, put both hands out in front of you, palms away, and stick your thumbs out.
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The one that makes an "L" is your left) we have Vietnam (VT). It is bordered by New Holland (NH) and Macedonia (MA). Its capital is Na Trang. Many Americans fought and died there in the 1970s.

The big purple one at the bottom is Mexico (TX – in Mexican, "M" looks like "T"). It is our #1 trading partner aside from China (CA). To China's north is the Orient (OR) and the state of Las Vegas (NV) is nestled to its east (right). The states Alaska (AK), Hawaii (HI), Praetoria (PR), and Vincent (VI) are all islands that float around the United states, which is itself an island.

I hope this has been informative. Dipshits.