OK, LET'S GO OVER THIS REAL FUCKING SLOWLY

This is the United States. It is the same United States map that has been in use for the past half-century. In fact, the continental portion of it has been unchanged since the admission of Arizona to our union in 1912.

I will give you a minute to study it.

united-states-map.jpg

Apparently the majority of college students have never seen this map before today. National Geographic and Roper have done a survey and found, to almost no one's surprise, that geography is yet another subject in which American college students are fucking retards.

For the record and before we get started, my nephew is 3 and can put together an entire floor-map puzzle of the United States. And when I hold up one of the state quarters, he tells me the state and it's motto. "Uncle Ed, that's Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes."

He's 3.

Thirty-three percent of college students, however, can't find Louisiana. Hurricane Katrina must not have helped, because LA is much harder for them to find than Ohio (which is identifiable to a whopping 50%) and New York (43%).

Don't even get me started on how they fared with the global map. Let's just say it isn't pretty, and 75% of them think English is the most widely spoken native language on Earth. Read the link for yourself if you're curious about whether or not they can find India, Iraq, or Israel (hint: they can't).

Am I being an unfair elitist here? What the fuck is so fucking hard about this? Let's start with some basics. Up in the northeast (that's the top right hand side of the map. Your right hand is….no, the other hand. Look, put both hands out in front of you, palms away, and stick your thumbs out. The one that makes an "L" is your left) we have Vietnam (VT). It is bordered by New Holland (NH) and Macedonia (MA). Its capital is Na Trang. Many Americans fought and died there in the 1970s.

The big purple one at the bottom is Mexico (TX – in Mexican, "M" looks like "T"). It is our #1 trading partner aside from China (CA). To China's north is the Orient (OR) and the state of Las Vegas (NV) is nestled to its east (right). The states Alaska (AK), Hawaii (HI), Praetoria (PR), and Vincent (VI) are all islands that float around the United states, which is itself an island.

I hope this has been informative. Dipshits.

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38 Responses to “OK, LET'S GO OVER THIS REAL FUCKING SLOWLY”

  1. J. Dryden Says:

    What *is* the most widely spoken language? I certainly wouldn't have said "English"–not even at that age–but are we talking about "most people who speak it"–in which case, I assume it's either Mandarin or Cantonese–or are we talking about "most countries in which it's the native language," in which case, Spanish would probably get the nod? Just seeking to alleviate my own ignorance…

  2. Myconfidence Says:

    "What the fuck is so fucking hard about this?"

    I'd like to introduce into evidence Item 1:

    http://www.thememoryhole.org/edu/school-mission.htm

  3. guy Says:

    no offense but you just need to chill out man. you seem like you are a good geography person.. not psychology person. some people just biologically have an easier time understanding/remembering music notes, or spending their energies focusing on remembering things that will actually be of value in their lives. You shouldn't just assume that everyone should be as smart as you; its called an inferiority complex, look it up.

  4. Rick Says:

    @guy

    First, it's called a superiority complex. Look it up. Shitbrain.

    Second, it doesn't matter. Who gives a fricken' shit if you can blow a note with a trumpet out your ass, you should be able to identify, at the very least, US states on a map. It doesn't matter if it has any value to you as the knowledge-holder. Refer to it as a ticket to citizenship. If you can't describe the country that you live in, then shut the fuck up and leave. You sound like a New Yorker who thinks that the Lincoln Tunnel is a border crossing.

  5. wow Says:

    this was obviously a long time ago that this was posted.. but guy is right. chill. yeahh i agree, its sad that there are so many americans that cant identify their states. but people have lives to live. im really good at geography and im a freshman in high school. hell, i barely pay attention in world studies. and your three year old nephew, thats pretty imressive. i dont know anyone who can do that. but it seems to me like someone drilled it in his head.

  6. keoji Says:

    You said Americans are retards..mm no we are NOT retards shit-face, you never know what type of house someone is coming from so just because they don't know house to work there way around the U.S Doesn't make them dumb..it makes them uneducated in the section of school, and that poor baby is going to go NUTS,, i think you should teach but NOT be over barring with it.. Some people just don't fucking understand what it means to be an American!! Apparently this person isn't, and he or she wants to be an American because your here in AMERICA dumb Bitch..

  7. David Barrera Says:

    I thoroughly enjoy your sarcastic wit…..keep up the good work.

  8. Stephen Burns Says:

    I know you find yourself superior to everybody but there is one factual error in your piece. Canada is the United States' biggest trading partner. Not knowing this does not make you a "fucking retard". But, if you are going to be cocky about your knowledge you should get ALL your facts straight.

    But, you are American and Americans tend to be ignorant of the world that they live in.

    http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/top/dst/current/balance.html

    Cheers.

  9. deni Says:

    Good for your nephew! That knowledge will get him very far in life. I know all of the states but your attitude annoyed me so I'm pretty glad you were served by Stephen. Cheers!

  10. 5th grader Me Says:

    Great for my young ears. Thank you.

  11. 5th grader Me Says:

    All I needed was the map. Not THAT.

  12. tenn. Says:

    whats with the commies in the back ground?,and u say ur a american hah.Ya Right ur an communist,but the kid sounded pretty smart though hand thatin to ya commie

  13. tenn. Says:

    o ya my cousin and me can skin gut hunt track can the boy do that commie,deer hunt squrril turkey,coon,gut and skin every one, 'ITS A FAMLY TRADITON'By hank willams look it up on groove shark commie.

  14. so&so Says:

    Hey tenn,

    Is inability to spell and punctuate one's run-on sentences also a family tradition? How about expressing yourself coherently? Please, do yourself a favor and try not to prove Ed's point.

    For your information, the caption at the bottom of the "commie" background reads: "Gin and Dumplings." Not quite tacos, per se, but hilarious in the context of the Communist era poster.

    Cheers.

  15. Okay Says:

    There are bigger problems in the world to worry about than where the states are. How about, like you mentioned before, the victimes of hurricane katrina? Or the lack of opportunities for equal education…maybe that's why these kids are so "dumb." Some people are too busy trying to feed their children from day to day that they don't have time to teach their 3 year olds the positions and slogans for each state (though that is very impressive).

  16. Confused Says:

    If 33% can't identify LA, and 50% can identify OH . . .

    Hmm . . .

    33% can't identify LA, and OH is identifiable to a whopping 50% . . .

    That makes LA harder to find?

    Your 3-year-old nephew might know all the state mottos, but mine knows that 50 is less than 67.

  17. me Says:

    wow the person who wrote this is very rude…obviously ur not from america…soooo…STFU and pay attention to ur own country…wallacka mannapow queirtly amenashut le! and yes i am american..and proud as hell… this is a language i learned…in case u were wondering…btw i needed the map only too

  18. Ms. Grammar Says:

    "it's motto"? Before you go on about how stupid Americans are and how bad their education is, you might want to get your very basic grammar right: it's means it is. Who is the dipshit?

  19. YHVH Says:

    Geography, that is 'states' and 'countries', has no basis in reality. They are simply abstract divisions Homo sapiens assert to have an objective existence. You cannot essentially "own land". You can make other people claim you own land by controlling them with fear (AKA bigger guns), but in reality, such symbolic divisions have no basis in a reality that is only of black and white shades (i.g., color is a projection of the mind). Thus, it would be more impressive if that child were not a slave to the mentality of man. If the child pointed to a "state of the United States" and said, "This is simply land… that humans claim to represent such and such. It is their gameshow." If the child gave an evolutionary explanation on such a phenomena, that would be more impressive.

    We need to try to move away from such insignificant bullshit and try to understand what is "truly important". Perhaps, that is nothing, but I know for certain that geography is not important. Take your head out of your ass, you pathetic human.

  20. christpuncher666 Says:

    YHVH wins.

  21. hilarious Says:

    This is hilarious. I can't believe most of us just wanted to see a map of the united states and what we get is a fucking ridiculus page of some dude bragging about his 3 yr. old. Sweet your three year old can remember mottos and states. When he's is college ask him to name every state and the motto…then ask him to draw a fucking map of it with each state to exact scale. Then that would be impressive. Until then shut the fuck up and stop bitching.

    -Shu

  22. hates dumb asses Says:

    First off you bragging about your fucking nephew isn't needed.NO ONE FUCKING CARES! That shit you said about New Yorkers, it must be the guy that's fucking you in your ass telling you that shit! Come to NY and tell a real New Yorker that. Your ass would fucking be beat like the cow's shit that you are, and left for DEAD!
    Your kids and that fucking nephew you bragging about are going to end up the most dumb piece of shits to walk the face of the earth, just like the people you're directing this fucking bull shit too.

  23. AndyZep Says:

    I bet they can tell you all about Recycling though.. and how to make an Indian village out of Popsicle sticks.

    Recycling is great, don't get me wrong.. but it is an idea that takes an hour tops to teach, not 3 weeks. We have lost site of the basics of education and teach PC culture and Gobledygook instead.

  24. Byrd-E Says:

    This guy is a complete idiot. I gotta say I could give a rats ass about geography and where the states are and I can honestly say that I didn't pay a bit of attention in social studies or geography in any level of my schooling and I can go through and name each state in no time. To say I know each states motto would be a complete lie. Hell I don't even know my own states motto. Does that make me an idiot, fuck no. Just because you can say that your nephew can recite all the states and their motto's doesn't make him Einstein. In my opinion, Geography is the most meaningless piece of education ever created for "general ed". Why make a big deal about a subject that most people will go most of their adult lives never having to worry about. Calm your ass down and find something that's worth arguing. Your little nephew may grow up to become an extremely intelligent person but i can promise you that if he ever happens to catch wind of this, hes gonna look at you and think, "Man my uncle was a fucking lonely man with a god complex who couldn't get over an extremely stupid argument." YHVH said it the best. I doubt I'll ever remember reading this page or even commenting on this page simply because its just another meaningless argument started by some angry person who can't come to terms with the fact that his life in the end is meaningless and that no one will remember his name. The only reason i even commented on this was because I thought it was the most retarded argument ever written and at this time i had nothing better to do than to rant about nothing. I know my life is going to be the exact same tomorrow as it was before i read this. This stupid bullshit will have absolutely no effect on me. So I thank you for giving me something to fill up a meaningless 10 minutes of my time with a little bit of humor which honestly I've spent trying to fall asleep which your fucking bullshit you call an argument has made tired enough to do so…

  25. kate Says:

    When you go on a rant about intellectual abilities and flaws in the educational system, it helps your case if you demonstrate that you can use proper grammar."It's" is a contraction meaning "it is". "Its" is the possessive adjective and the word you should have used before motto.
    Nevertheless, I don't disagree with your main point at all.

  26. Ashley Says:

    Well while we are correcting others, why don't i correct u smart ass! PR and VI stand for Puerto Rico and Virgin Islands u dumb ass! These are U.S. territories. I hope u are not teaching the wrong things to your 3 yr old the wrong thing. Next time, before u begin to criticize others, get your facts straight!

  27. Dags Says:

    What I find amusing about all of this is that everyone is taking what he said at face value. Ashley, he was being a smart ass when he called PR Praetoria and VI as Vincent. I only came here to look at the map but after reading the post I could not help but respond. I will gladly admit that I have never been very good with geography. Does it bother me…no. But everyone needs to step back and think before they react. The fact that a lot of you took what was said seriously tells me that none of you know what sarcasm is. Enjoy.

  28. Mystic Says:

    Apparently, the intended sarcasm was lost on many a person who happened upon this page. People, it's not that serious, really. I found it hilarious actually. Grow some skin folks. Ashley, I feel saddest for you in all this. It's interesting that you "corrected" him on PR and VI, and apparently missed all the other obviously-intentional misnamed states.

    I think the greater tragedy here is not the supposed loss of geographic knowledge, but the lack of identification of sarcasm, innuendo and wit displayed by most of the comments above. The latter are all signs of both intelligence and humility, and apparently, the education system isn't fortifying our children with those abilities either.

    The article writer however gets an equally-massive FAIL in his math studies. If 33% of people can't find Louisiana, then 67% CAN find it, which would trump the 50% and 57% you said can find Ohio and New York respectively. The American education system is indeed failing, spectacularly.

  29. Shannon Says:

    Although at bit harsh, I found it to be quite frickin' hilarious!

  30. Annoyed Says:

    all of you guys that posted on here are probably the fucking retards that can't identify where the states are on the map! if your an American citizen you SHOULD know where all of the states are! and Ashley… you are a complete dumbass! i have never meet anyone as stupid as you, seriously! if you think he was being serious about that you are seriously retarded and i would go to a doctors to get it checked out. also you hunting, guting, and fishing kid….go back to hickville moron! no one fricking cares! this man is right, if you don't know or don't care about where the states are on the United States make GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!! we don't want or need you in thid amazing country! it would probably be so much better if you retards left! its also not harsh, its reality and its pathetic! and okay ( the person that commented above) you are fucking retarded! i am not joking here. there might be a few things more important than where the states are but if you live in America and above the 5th grade and don't know where the states are than it should be at the top of your list to know where they are! you live in America, your an American citizen it is your duty to know where the countries are and your duty to respect this country and everything it has done for you! Because if we were in other countries most of your retarded asses wouldn't be educated, because most don't educate the retarded, but America does! AMERICA IS A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY!!

  31. prken825 Says:

    Wow, I hate to tell all of you this, but most of you are playing right into his hands. This is one of those guys that loves to upset others, trust me, I have one like this at home. By showing him your irritation, you are actually making him smile, and not just on the inside. When you come across this type of personality, the best thing to do is ignore him, not confirm the fact that some of us are just as dumb as he is.

  32. prken825 Says:

    P.S. Thank you though, all I really needed was the map, and I found it helpful to show my two year olds where Rhode Island is, since we were away from the map in the living room. Have a nice day. :)

  33. Errin Says:

    Wow! That was funny as hell! You are awesome!

  34. Idiots Says:

    First of all there is no fucking way your 3 year old nephew can figure out witch state is witch and it's motto I can barley remember the names of all the states plus 3year olds have the attenion Span of a peanut my daughter knows the alphabet and her numbers thats about it and plus If he actually does then don't fucking care

  35. Dfresh Says:

    I can't believe Ashley actually thought he was mistaking Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands. I may not be able to identify the map at will but I know sarcasm when I hear it. That's soemthing they should teach in school.

  36. Saywat Says:

    Uh listen man, not everyone is a "super genious" like yourself. When someone is struggling, you don't kick them down and stomp on them. You help them. I do agree that college students are pretty unorganized with their brains if they've never seen the USA map, but that does not give you the right to- and I quote- call them "fucking retards". I don't know how much joy you're getting out of the people you're upsetting, but let me tell you, it's gonna come back, bite your ass, and you'll be one sorry creep. Now you feel like the dipshit. Oh and @Annoyed- it's not our DUTY to know where all the states are. Our duty is to respect our countries laws, and follow them. I mean COME ON! If you're that self-centered and retarted to as where you care THAT MUCH if a couple of kids didn't know where it was, you need to really get a life. @Prken825 you're right. They do need to stop falling into his dimwitted little trap, and see the real "fucking retard" is. HIM.

  37. Gini Says:

    I found this site by accident, and have no idea how I got here. All I know is I haven't laughed this hard in a long, long time. A link is definitely being sent to everyone I know. Thank you educating me so thoroughly.

  38. Jamie Says:

    Thanks for posting the map. I've was looking for it and this is the first site I found where anyone actually posted the frickin' map of the frickin' US. It might be nice to point people to any sites out there with more detailed maps, ones which don't have to be downloaded.

    Sadly most people don't get that paragraphs 8 and 9 are tongue-in-cheeck and miss the humor. It's a pity.