SPEAK UP, BOBBY!

I've been meaning to post this for a while, so forgive me if it strikes you as slightly old news. By now I assume you've seen the Bob Dylan iPod commercial. For those fortunate enough to have missed it, empty the contents of your stomach now:

When I first beheld this monstrosity, I'm not ashamed to say that my first thought was "I'm glad Bill Hicks is not alive to see this." I'd have to imagine that this (combined with his boy Keith Richards' participation in the massive cash grab that is the last 20 years of Rolling Stones history) would disillusion him so deeply that he'd give up on comedy, wander off into the desert, and never be seen again. True, he's already never to be seen again, but at least he died without this kick in the nutsack.

To Mr. Dylan, speak up. I can't hear you with satan's cock in your mouth. I mean, what's the matter, you don't have enough money? You need to rock out for Apple? "Hey everyone, I'm noted countercultural icon/profiteer Bob Dylan. It turns out that 'Maggie's Farm' is really about buying $300 piece-of-shit fashion accessories with non-replaceable batteries that die in about a year. Rock on, and don't trust the man!"

And remember kids, nothing says "rebel" quite like paying for mp3s on iTunes.com!

Oh, and need I even ask what the fuck is up with the "song" he's singing here? It's almost as bad as his acting. Don't spend all of Apple's money in one place, dickhead. Looks like you need to start putting aside some money for a casket.

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