More Definition than reality.

Not that long ago, Erik upgraded the apartment in Champaign to high-definition television-viewing equipment (a Circuit City open box special, no less). Since then, a lot of high definition television viewing has been going on. One thing that has been noted is how disturbing shows and/or movies with poor production values look in HD (I believe it was first noted with the bad makeup and lighting in Beauty Shop). So it was only a matter of time until this story arrived via the nytimes:

Pornography has long helped drive the adoption of new technology, from the printing press to the videocassette. Now pornographic movie studios are staying ahead of the curve by releasing high-definition DVDs.

They have discovered that the technology is sometimes not so sexy. The high-definition format is accentuating imperfections in the actors — from a little extra cellulite on a leg to wrinkles around the eyes.

…"The biggest problem is razor burn," said Stormy Daniels, an actress, writer and director.

Ms. Daniels is also a skeptic. "I'm not 100 percent sure why anyone would want to see their porn in HD," she said.

…Jesse Jane, one of the industry's biggest stars, plans to go under the knife next month to deal with one side effect of high-definition. The images are so clear that Ms. Jane's breast implants, from an operation six years ago, can be seen bulging oddly on screen.

"I'm having my breasts redone because of HD," she said.

The stretch marks on Ms. Jane from seven years ago when she gave birth to her son are also more apparent. But she deals with those blemishes in a simpler way: by liberal use of tanning spray.

A couple things to note.

(i) Porn actors look strangely awful on grainy VHS tapes. I can't even begin to imagine what they'll look like in high definition.

(ii) Have you ever been to LA? Have you ever noticed how all the women there look vaguely like transsexuals? Like the makeup and hair is so overdone it is almost like they are men doing an over-the-top impersonation of a woman? That's kind of how people look in high definition at times.

(iii) The green color of the grass for football in HD is how I imagine Heaven will be like if it exists. HD is most effective in sporting events.

(iv) For the porn actors above, the simulacra has become more real than the simulation. Their reality needs to start running to keep up with their simulation of their reality. (you should laugh there, it's actually a really funny joke).

(v) Kind of like went I first put on glasses or first did certain substances, watching things in HD feels like it is exercising a part of my brain I didn't know existed. That some previously dormant cluster of nerves in my optic chiasm are suddenly very active watching Boston Legal in HD does not worry me one bit.

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4 Responses to “More Definition than reality.”

  1. Ambrosini Says:

    I completely agree with point 3, HD football games are probably some of the best uses for the new technology. The only other shows worth looking at are any of the nature shows which look amazing.

    There is an exception to the sports though, please, don't watch basketball in HD. We had to turn it off because it got so bad. Not only do you get to watch the basketball players run around in HD but you get to see the crowd in HD. This isn't a problem in other sports because the crowd is usually farther away from the camera but with basketball its like they are sitting watching the game with you. And you don't want to look at them, trust me.

  2. Ed Says:

    "The images are so clear that Ms. Jane

  3. Samantha Says:
  4. Matthew Says:

    Yes! Sporting events are the thing that really make me want HD. Most TV isn't HD, and doesn't need to be (who needs to watch the Daily Show in HD?) and even a lot of movies don't gain that much (My Dinner with Andre… in High-Definition!) but sports are one situation where the picture can always stand to be clearer, the details sharper, and the colors more vibrant.

    Why, I bet you could even make out the puck in hockey, if that were on HD.