FLORIDA: WE HAVE NO VAGINAS

It's really amazing how quickly Florida managed to rocket to the top of the Everything Wrong With America list. The 2000 election, Terri Schiavo, Katherine Harris, and now the Hoohaa Monologues.

It appears that an unnamed middle-aged Floridian complained that she found the marquee on the Atlantic Theater (in Atlantic Beach, FL) offensive. It was advertising its upcoming performance of "The Vagina Monologues."

This mental giant was quite taken aback by the use of such an incredibly offensive word. She protested to the theater owner that her young niece saw the marquee and asked what the word meant. Rather than, you know, answer the simple fucking question, she decided that the Florida way to handle things was to demand that the title be sanitized to her puritan tastes.

So now the Atlantic is advertising "The Hoohaa Monologues." Since I am not making this up, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I'm oh-so-glad that the theater owner didn't tell her to fuck off and instead appeased another "cultural conservative" in her effort to bring our society down to their 4th-grade intellectual level. Awesome.

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7 Responses to “FLORIDA: WE HAVE NO VAGINAS”

  1. Rick Says:

    Speaking of Florida, Anna Nichole Smith just died there. I wonder if the two stories are related.

  2. Mike Says:

    At least it isn't "The Pooter Monologues." I'm surprised she wasn't also offended at the word Monologue (or having a proper article proceeding the phrase).

  3. Samantha Says:

    Actually, it sounds almost like the theatre may have been pointing out the absurdity of the request by using such an absurd substitute word.

    Personally, I'd have found Po-Po, Snatch, Vertical Smile, Beaver, Cookie, Ya-Ya, Cooter, or Bearded Clam much more appropriate.

  4. P Says:

    I find your lack of "coochiesnorcher" disturbing.

  5. Nick Says:

    Yeah. A little girl might learn the right word for part of her body.

    OFFENSIVE!

  6. Dave Says:

    Taking the Anglocentric approach, how about 'The Mimsy Monologues'?

  7. Jake Says:

    The Meat Wallet Monologues!