So after reading this and getting my daily dose of loss-of-faith-in-humanity, I can't help but call up the stripper's lawyers and congratulate them on doing such a bang-up job of jury selection. One woman, eleven males over 50. Awesome!
In case you're wondering why "She was a slut, she wanted it" still works as a defense, well, I think this pretty much explains it.
It's really amazing how quickly Florida managed to rocket to the top of the Everything Wrong With America list. The 2000 election, Terri Schiavo, Katherine Harris, and now the Hoohaa Monologues.
It appears that an unnamed middle-aged Floridian complained that she found the marquee on the Atlantic Theater (in Atlantic Beach, FL) offensive. It was advertising its upcoming performance of "The Vagina Monologues."
This mental giant was quite taken aback by the use of such an incredibly offensive word. She protested to the theater owner that her young niece saw the marquee and asked what the word meant. Rather than, you know, answer the simple fucking question, she decided that the Florida way to handle things was to demand that the title be sanitized to her puritan tastes.
So now the Atlantic is advertising "The Hoohaa Monologues." Since I am not making this up, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I'm oh-so-glad that the theater owner didn't tell her to fuck off and instead appeased another "cultural conservative" in her effort to bring our society down to their 4th-grade intellectual level. Awesome.
To avoid stealing thunder from what may be the greatest post in the history of ginandtacos (see below, re: Mr. Haggard) I will save the bulk of my "Jesus Harold Tap-Dancing Christ on a crutch, do I ever hate Carlos Mencia" rant for another time. For now, simply enjoy this:
You'll all be happy to note that after three weeks of intensive therapy, Ted Haggard is 100% not gay (image of email at Slate).
One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counselling for Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."…
"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."…
Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.
Another oversight board member, Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed.
"This is a good place for Ted," Ware said. "It's hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed."
It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work.
Thoughts:
1) I need to get me one of these Evangelical wives; if they are willing to follow a guy to Iowa after he spends a good part of their marriage binging on methamphetamines and gay hookers, they'll no doubt find my "weekends begin at 5pm Thursday" and general disorderliness downright charming.
2) I always wondered what goes on at these 'therapy' sessions. Wikipedia has a nice article about the matter, perhaps a bit too much of the (obvious) ethical problems about doing this to teenagers and not enough on the nuts-and-bolts.
(I wonder how much the entire thing is in complete bad faith, with Christian 'healers' working to keep a straight face while explaining to parents how they'll stop their kids from being gay before immediately laughing the $200/hr to the bank. "Ok kid, sit here for an hour; your parents won't kick you out of the house, and I get to buy a new car.")
2.a) I knew of a friend of a friend who, after coming out to his family during college, started seeing a "Don't Be Gay" therapist arranged through his parents (he, for whatever reason, was trying to meet them halfway). He was also, concurrently, seeing a separate counselor who was helping him adjust to becoming a gay male. Before you start thinking how sad and counterproductive this situation is, think of these three words: "Zany Network Comedy." ("Sopranos" meets "Three's Company.") Anyone want to work on a pilot with me?
3) Man, did they run that guy's ass out of town. So much for healing and forgiveness. Hope you saved your money man. Good luck with your online degree.
I can't help but watch the multi-billion dollar industry that is Super Bowl advertising and think, "Wow, I hope someone got fired over this." Talk about a load of bullshit and undeserved hype.
Note to the advertising and marketing industry: talking animals are not funny. Mocking the way brown people talk is not funny. Dredging up aged celebrities is rarely funny (Robert Goulet was pretty hilarious, I admit). Commercials full of women in wet t-shirts or bikinis look horribly dated and tasteless in 2007.
I got the impression that all of those commercials were pre-screened and rigorously field-tested in front of a council of 19 year-old fratboys. Their stern edicts ("Dear godaddy.com – your commercial needs more tits.") appear to have shaped the face of the industry for another year.
(ps – I'd refrain from making fun of Bears fans for getting their hopes up over a Rex Grossman-led team, but then you wouldn't learn anything. It's like watching a small child stick his hand on a hot stovetop. Now, what did you learn?)
RIP Molly Ivins. Seriously, this sort of makes me want to cry a little. I hope I can be this forceful when I'm two weeks away from death.
On a lighter note, RIP Joe Biden's presidential ambitions. At least he didn't call him macaca. I'm not sure what goes through a Senator's mind shortly before he says something to the effect of (and I'm paraphrasing, here) "Thank god we finally found a black candidate who ain't all watermelon and fried chicken!" but I'm fairly certain that it reveals some deeply rooted problems with conceptions of race of which the failure of the brain-mouth filter is merely a symptom.