SUMMERS AT CAMP CHICKENHAWK

Every time I think I've seen rock bottom from our friends on the Right, it is only a matter of moments until something more disgusting comes along. So while I'm tempted to say that this is as bad as it gets, this is definitely the most revolting thing I've seen in quite some time.

So, let's say you're the average pasty, lard-assed, $100k-per-year neocon white guy in the suburbs. Summer's coming quickly; the kids will be out of school in a few weeks and they're certainly going to need something to do for the summer. I mean, that 8 hour per week job at the ice cream place (they're learning that work builds character!) isn't going to occupy them. If only there were some way you could instill in them values like Leadership and Teamwork.

Wait! How about Freedom Alliance Military Leadership Academy?!?!

Brought to you by an old, familiar face (Lt. Col. Oliver North) and some friends, the FAMLA (please do not confuse it with the communist, welfare-queen giveaway Family and Medical Leave Act) gives your spoiled, arrogant teenager the opportunity to experience the real military lifestyle…..without actually having to do any military service! Yes, that's right. It's like being in the Army minus the unpleasant risk of death and contact with Negroes!

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From the photos and brochures, the program looks like it consists mostly of taking kids for rides on military equipment and having them do "basic training," a.k.a. going for a couple hikes. But Ed, you say, couldn't this be a valuable experience for young people? It sure could be! I just…can't….shake the feeling….that there's some other way that healthy 18 year old kids could "experience the military lifestyle." Maybe, you know, enlisting. So they can go get shot full of holes. Like all the 18 year old kids whose parents don't have money to send them to ridiculous camps – or, you know, college.

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The materials claim that the camp's graduates go on to:

"…pursue careers in the military and as DOD civilians, such as the Navy Criminal Investigative Service, while others go to college or directly to the workforce.

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5 Responses to “SUMMERS AT CAMP CHICKENHAWK”

  1. Jake Says:

    I wonder if the guys at this camp totally have buttsex with each other. You know: Just like in the military.

  2. Chris Says:

    The contradictions of the Republicans are almost infinite. For example, they think the army is great, but they don't serve and watch things from a safe distance and have poor people fight; they don't have to suffer the hell of war, and they sure do benefit (Haliburton, etc.)

    Another contradiction is running for government by running against it: do conservatives realize that they actually are part of the government if elected?!? This is why the government is so mismanaged and incompetent right now; they hate government and aren't interested in, you know, actually having a professional and effective government. New Orleans, Iraq, the budget, etc. come to mind. Bush has no agenda or vision for this country the way Clinton did: Clinton actually balanced the budget, helped the internet along, gas prices were 99 cents, etc.

    The homosexual issue is another contradiction I love: they hate gay people, yet Cheney's daughter is a lesbian!!! Also, the whole Foley thing (I don't thing I need to elaborate). Their idea for homosexuals is completely ridiculous, and they don't realize gay people are actually people with feelings. Well, I guess diversity and acceptance of different people never will mix with the conservative ideals.

    I'm done rambling. The main point is the conservatives are a contradiciton by their principles, which often leads to incompetent government. They are basically anarchists.

  3. Nick Says:

    Wow. There really aren't any black people in the brochure! Normally they include one or two in every group picture, but the closest they come here is a couple of Asians.

    And comparing this to the military is like comparing paintball to urban combat.

  4. Ray Says:

    You mean I can get army-style buttsex without having to join the army?? Sweet! Where do I sign up! My veteran dad will be so proud of me for pretending to be a soldier.

  5. Ed Says:

    Yes, you can have military-grade buttsex without all the danger and committment. All the awkward, unlubricated anal with highschool dropouts from South Carolina that you can handle.