Love in the handicapped stall; Denny Crane.

Old news: a Republican State Representative in Florida, Bob Allen, was arrested the other week for soliciting a male undercover cop. Alright, these things happen to married Republicans; I imagine it has to be quite the stressful time to be an elected Republican. But when I heard about this, I caught that the officer who arrested him wasn't undercover on a gay hooker sting operation. Instead, he was undercover on a robbery sting. Huh? Luckily PageOneQ has the police report:

"I observed Allen walk into the men's restroom [in a public park]… I then observed Allen leave the restroom and walk towards a park bench. I then entered the bathroom to adjust my police radio. On my way out of the restroom I almost bumped into Allen who was on his way into the restroom again. Allen changed his course of direction when he saw that I was leaving the restroom and went back towards his park bench. I talked with the other officers again and then entered the bathroom and began washing my hands. Allen entered the the restroom behind me and proceeded into the first stall.

"I realized there were no paper towels to dry my hands so I walked into the handicap stall to dry my hands. As I stood in the stall drying my hands I observed Allen look over the door of my stall and make eye contact with me. Allen then stepped away and then came back to the door of my stall and looked in, making eye contact with me again.

"I said 'hey buddy' and Allen said 'hi' and then stepped away again. About 5 seconds later Allen pushed open the door to my stall and stepped inside. I was standing against the far wall of the stall. Allen closed the door behind him and stood against it. I said 'What's up?' and Allen again said 'hi.' Allen then said, 'this is kind of a public place isn't it?' I said, 'do you have somewhere else we can go?' Allen said, 'How about across the bridge, it's quiet over there.' Allen engaged me in a conversation in which it was agreed that he would pay me $20 in order to perform a 'blow job' on me. Allen stated that he wanted me to ride with him across the river before he performed the act and gave me the money. Before entering Allen's vehicle I identified myself as a police officer and detained him."

Two things of note.

1) Not being gay, maybe I'm missing an essential piece of this puzzle, but do you really have to pay someone to perform oral sex on them? Dan Savage thinks that is very common for the situation, but seriously? You'd think you could give that away.

2) Anyone watch Boston Legal? The powerful, rich, Republican named partner of the law firm, Denny Crane, is played by William Shatner. In one episode, he tries to pick up a woman who is an undercover cop, who believes he had solicited her (he also believes her to have only one leg and really wants to have sex with her because of that, but that is besides the point). Denny, in one of my favorite moments of the show, goes to the Judge at trial something close to: "Judge you know me. I have hookers all the time. They come to my hotel room, and I pay them a lot." Picking up a hooker on the street, for $20 no less? Please, I'm a Republican!

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer my Republicans much more like that. Hotel, mirror full of cocaine, and prostitutes, all charged to an oil company lobbyist's petty cash fund. This is what the GOP is reduced to? Trolling public park bathrooms, muttering like a crazy person, following men into handicapped (!) stalls? For shame. The party really is in decline.

I do think Bob Allen should hold a press conference where he drops the Denny Crane line though.

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2 Responses to “Love in the handicapped stall; Denny Crane.”

  1. Peggy Says:

    in re: item 1, I was going to paste in a picture of Allen with the assumption that that would be enough. But as far as Republican congressmen go, he's not totally repulsive looking:

    but maybe he has some sort of thing about wanting to fellate hookers/straight guys/guys he can pretend are straight and therefore can't just go to wherever it is you go to give it away if you are a married Republican congressman?

    in re: 2–Oh, Denny Crane. How I wish I were able to remember when your show was on, because you are hilarious. Much more hilarious than actual people. Sigh.

  2. Peggy Says:

    okay, apparently the feds don't like my hotlinking.