Perfection is a beautiful thing, and the northeastern US seems to be have had a run of it in 2007. They gave us the World Champion Red Sox, the 16-0 Patriots, and the most flawless 12 months of being a cocksucker ever turned in by a public figure. Congratulations, Joe Lieberman. You are the Tom Brady of being a duplicitous, self-important ass clown. It is rare, in the short history of this award, that a year's winner should be so clear-cut. But aside from a brief challenge from General Saint David Petraeus, it was Holy Joe all the way in 07.

Mr. Lieberman's intense hunger for Satan's cock was in no way confined to this calendar year, of course. His transition from mild irritant to full-blown asshole began with his primary defeat in 2006, an event that gave America the phenomenon known as Independent Democrat Joe Lieberman. Then, proving that God truy loathes America, the midterm elections made this condescending waste of flesh the deciding vote in an evenly-split Senate. Oh my, how Joe loved that. The Democratic leadership didn't simply have to put up with his continued presence – they had to suck up to him and bend to his every whim.

Lieberman's cloying, pedantic "bipartisanship" prattle goes a long way towards showing just how far to the right the axis of American political discourse has tilted. Like other "sensible" and "serious" "moderates" like David Brooks, Lieberman's message appears to be "I am a Democrat who just happens to agree with the far right on almost everything, and this proves that I am a better person because I'm so 'open minded' and unrestrained by ideology." Truly did Holy Joe use 2007 to put on a display of collaborationism that would make the Vichy regime – and perhaps even the eponymous Quisling himself – nauseous.

When he wasn't busy endorsing neocon Republican presidential candidates who are too far to the right for their own damn party, Joe was "busy" chairing the Senate Committee on Homeland Security. Since taking that post he has found it necessary to launch exactly zero investigations into the dozens of examples of ineptitude, omissions, and outright criminality of his pals in the White House. He's such a loyal bobblehead for the far right that Bill Kristol thinks he should be the GOP nominee for VP next year. Now that's an endorsement that every self-respecting "independent" and "Democrat" accepts with pride. When he wasn't busy bragging about how goddamn fabulous everything is going in Iraq he was rhetorically cheerleading for the next war of aggression in the Middle East. When he wasn't busy making sure the troops don't get a break between tours of duty in His war, he was attacking the leader of his own party for talking about withdrawl even in the abstract. He found time to host fund raisers for a vulnerable Republican Senator in the upcoming election, but no time to do any actual research about how His strategy is working in Iraq other than to call Petraeus' critics guilty of treason.

Joe Lieberman is what he is. He is the Senator from AIPAC, not Connecticut. He is a strident neoconservative, not an "independent." He is a Republican, not a Democrat. And he is a smug, ingratiating cocksucker, not a noble, above-the-fray Bipartisan. While the DNC is probably hoping that either Holy Joe falls off a tall ladder or that the Party's Senate lead increases enough to make him irrelevant, I see no problem in hoping for both.

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  1. Chris Says:

    Fuck Joe. May he spontaneously combust.

  2. Christina Says:

    This is a fake trackback since Blogger sucks.

  3. Christina Says:

    Still writing it. Sorry.

  4. Heqit Says:

    Amen and Glory Hallelujah. So glad you said this (well!) and got all the way through…I usually start sputtering midway.

  5. Christina Jones-Barnes Says:

    Yes, I splutter midway, also.

    Him and Zell Miller. The only difference is that Joey-boy seems to be able to appear sane in public and Miller couldn't.

  6. J. Dryden Says:

    OK, I'll say the ugly, ugly thing that many of us may be thinking and which will probably piss a lot of people off, and it doesn't matter because I'm almost certainly right:

    I try. I really do. I try and try and try to tell myself that this has nothing to do with his religion and the fucked-up, knee-jerk Arab-bashing, 'if it's good for Israel it's good period' world-view that it yields. Because it's not cool to rip on his religion, for historical reasons that we need not go into.

    And then I remember: It's a religion! It's fair fucking game. Especially when he's been so unapologetically holier-than-thou (or what's the Jewish equivalent–more-chosen-than-thou?) about it. And most especially because it's causing him to align himself politically with a party and an administration chock-full of people who fucking despise him (though not to his smug, clueless face) precisely because of his religion, for whom he is a distasteful convenience they wouldn't want to see in the lounge of the country club.

    Look, there's a reason why, traditionally, Jewish people, like African Americans, and feminists, and gays/lesbians have all gravitated to the left. Because the left, for all of its many many forms of inane wackery, represents the path of the social progress that leads to tolerance of minorities and the disburdening of their oppression. Conservatives like the status quo–and that means keeping The Man at the top of the heap. Add to that the Reagan Revolution which made the Big Tent a Revival Tent full of Ralph Reeds and Jerry Falwells (RIP you porcine prick) and Pat Robertsons and you get a group of people who will tell you, after a beer or twelve, that the pogroms weren't such a bad thing in the long run.

    To see Lieberman sell out that larger, greater view of tolerance–precisely the kind of thoughtful humanist wisdom that represents the greatest debt owed to the tradition of Jewish intellectualism by Western society–for the Zionist bullshit of his Conservative Judaism is sickening. I know it's a queasy thing to say, and I'm sorry that the record needs to reflect it, but it's a big part of the reason why he's such a total and complete cocksucker. "Being a good Jew" has replaced "Being a decent human being guided by the fundamental principles of humanity" for Lieberman, and frankly, that makes him a very, very bad person indeed, since he cloaks himself in the sanctimony of his people while collaborating with their enemies. Which means he's totally lost sight of what "Being a good Jew" means, since the last time I checked, it meant "Being a good person of integrity and honesty and guided by the morality that comes from rising above millenia of suffering to achieve a higher understanding of the demands of virtue."

    In short, Joe Lieberman would have made a hell of a Judenrat member.

    This may be the most impolitic thing I have ever said. And if I am wrong–and I may well be–I ask pardon of all and sundry.

    You may now cast the first stone in my direction.