JOE THE MORON

Like every single thing the campaign has tried in the past three months, McCain's "Joe the Plumber" gambit has backfired. By choosing a person – a real one – to embody the working-class authenticity that Republican candidates so desperately apply like cheap cologne, it makes far easier the task of pointing out the deranged reasoning that underlies "hard hat" conservatism. Joe the Plumber is not a fraud, a rich contractor playing at middle class. He earns right around the median income for a man of his age – about $50,000. He doesn't lack authenticity. What he lacks, based on his circumstances and rank-ordering of important political issues, is brainpower.

Joe lives near Toledo, Ohio. The most charitable way I can describe that city is "post-industrial shithole." The city's unemployment rate is 9% as measured with the Bureau of Labor Statistics' woefully understated methodology. There are many thousands of foreclosed homes within the city limits at this moment; Toledo is in the top ten large cities nationwide for foreclosures. Its population has fallen from 384,000 in 1970 to 285,000 today. Its violent crime rate is fully double the national average and rising. Based on nine common economic indicators, Lucas County (home of Toledo) ranks 87th out of 88 counties in Ohio for economic performance between 2001-2008. Annual bankruptcy filings have increased 23% in the same time period, while the percentage of residents in poverty has increased from 12% to a third-world-like 17%. Nearly 8000 manufacturing jobs have been eliminated in just six years (2001-2007). Toledo proper gained national attention for its unprecedented 7.5% drop in median home price in just 12 months. Real incomes are falling. In short, Toledo is in what its hometown newspaper calls a "downward spiral." Every vital sign is flatlining and the city is entering what is likely a terminal economic torpor.

None of this matters to Joe the Plumber, of course. He lies awake at night worrying about taxes. That he lives in a picture-perfect example of the kinds of cities that right-wing economic policies have rendered moribund is irrelevant. What keeps Joe on edge and bubbling with entitled white male rage is Barack Hussein Tax-&-Spend Obama's dastardly, amoral plan to raise taxes. I suppose that make sense, right? Nothing wrong with Joe wanting to hold on to his money during hard times!

That Joe would receive a healthy tax cut under either candidate's proposal is irrelevant. Obama's plan raises taxes on the comically wealthy, ergo Joe must object. The rationale behind Joe's intense concern about taxes is puzzling. There are several possibilities:

1. Brainwashed by a steady diet of sub-moronic talk radio, Joe honestly does not understand what Obama and McCain are proposing in their tax plans and how it affects him. He knows nothing beyond "Democrats in Power = Higher Taxes, Hardcore Marxism, and Chuck Schumer Will Probably Kill Your Dog."

2. Joe feels compelled to take a moral stand against the mere concept of tax increases, perverting for his own purposes the idea that "If a single person is oppressed, none are free."

3. Joe realizes that he does not make $250,000 but, regardless of his age and limited economic potential, thinks that he will soon.

The final point is, in my opinion, at the heart of all blue-collar Tax Bitching – "Average Joes" staring saucer-eyed at The Glenn Beck Show full of blood-curdling rage and fantastical rationalizations of how they will someday be in the top tax bracket. Joe the Plumber, in essence, is unconcerned with Toledo's very tangible economic implosion. He is literally standing among the ruins of a city and a middle class he allegedly represents braying about what tax rate he might have to pay when he "makes it."

All of the Joes out there who wouldn't know Horatio Alger from a hole in the ground are living out the author's most vivid jerk-off fantasies. Everyone makes it to the top as long as they work hard and vote Republican. Making a quarter-mil per year is common; it is practically a birthright. As Mike pointed out recently, note this wonderful comment from an article on the right wing's "Let's Move to Canada" freak-out in the face of a Democratic landslide:

The best medicine is to teach people how to make money, lots of it. The more people who believe that they can earn $250,000 in the next few years, and the more that actually do, the less enthusiasm there will be for confiscating “plumber’s wealth.”

The last time someone told me I could be earning $250,000 in a year or two, I was watching an infomercial at 4:30 AM. But the healthy combination of ignorance and delusion have created an entire generation of Joe the Morons who don't understand what taxes do and do not apply to them, where they stand on the economic spectrum, and what constitutes an appropriate time to take moral stands based on a solipsistic and warped view of reality.

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13 Responses to “JOE THE MORON”

  1. J. Dryden Says:

    I'm revealing my closeted homosexuality, here (don't tell my wife), but folks like Joe always remind me of the musical 1776, wherein John Dickinson, voice of the anti-Revolution conservatives, tells a disapproving John Hancock: "Don't forget that most men with nothing would rather protect the possibility of becoming rich than face the reality of being poor. And that is why they will follow *us*." Indeed.

  2. Samantha Says:

    According to C&L, Daily Kos, and even Snopes.com, Joe the Plumber was not necessarily a random pick:
    http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/joe-plumber-more-joe-keating-family-

  3. kulkuri Says:

    What makes even less sense is those without a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of complaining about the so-called Death Tax. Off hand I don't remember how many millions your estate needs to be to be taxed, but 99% of the estates in this country don't need to worry about it. It's about selling, we've been sold a bill of goods and most people are too dumb to realize it or unwilling to admit it.

  4. Patti Says:

    Speaking of closeted homosexuality, Toledo's most famous native son is a fictional cross-dressing Army Corporal. Shouldn't that really tell us something? Like, that the town is such a mess that we may want to use it for weapons testing and be done with it.

    There is definately something to say about appealling to your aspirational wealth level instead of your realistic level. Reality, especially in Toledo, sucks… but if you are dreaming of the day that you have a plumbing business with half a dozen trucks and a 7 figure revenue stream… that's a lot more fun. It's the same thinking that keeps people playing the lottery.

  5. Mark Says:

    Hey! I was born in Toledo and have family still there. I don't live there myself anymore, but, go easy on the suck-factor, please. And, not that I have any first hand knowledge on the subject (other than the movie about Ed Wood), but I don't think cross dressers as a general rule are closeted homosexuals. As for famous Toledoans, I'll take Johnny and the Hurricanes over Corporal Klinger anyday.

  6. Patti Says:

    Sorry Mark. You are correct on the cross dressers / homosexual link.
    I was given a segue and I took it.

  7. Harx Says:

    I almost lol'd right out of my chair on this.

  8. Petro Says:

    Nailed it. I find it no accident that "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" debuted in time for Reagan's reelection, and the proliferation of wealth-gawking teevee programming has marched on ever since. To the average "middle-class" American – In the future, everyone will be rich…

  9. Charles Says:

    RE: Patti

    It's not that a $250k / 7 truck business is unrealistic for Joe… it's that he's counting his eggs before they've hatched.

  10. Batocchio Says:

    That's a good rundown. Let's also remember that Joe favored a flat tax, which would raise his own taxes (unless one practiced fiscal irresponsibility exceeding that of the Bush administration). I think Joe's just another guy who bought all of Reagan's supply-side "voodoo economics." That wouldn't bother me so much, except that for about 30 years, the press hasn't pointed out that Reagonomics don't work except for the wealthy, nor that most of its claims ("tax cuts always raise revenues") are false. It's pathetic that McCain, Palin and their surrogates are still mentioning Joe the Plumber, and sad that while the press has challenged their BS a bit, they still pretend that the McCain campaign's making a serious argument or that Joe possesses any wisdom or knowledge on these matters.

  11. Kip B. Says:

    Funny thing about statistics… 37% of Americans think they are in the top 1% of the economic strata. It just so happens that about 37% of Americans identify themselves as Republicans; coincidence? I think not.

  12. skylancer Says:

    Why are you ragging on Toledo? "Joe the phoney" lives in Holland, Oh near Toledo. He's a loser, he's a nothing, he's a GOP pawn. Another dumbass who can spout any damn lie and hopes somebody might believe him. What does that have to do with Toledo? According to Palin stats Toledo is not even part of the "Real America". Toledo has been called worse than a shithole, but when it's your home town, it still hurts. One clown doesn't represent a whole town. You didn't think Klinger in M.A.S.H. was funny?

  13. Ashley Says:

    I like that Nameless Republican is going to "teach people to make money," because if that were possible, wouldn't they be doing it already? Why wait?