THE COVETED CotY AWARD

My take on 2008 points to one person as the overwhelming favorite for the coveted and third annual Ginandtacos.com Cocksucker of the Year Award. I should point out in advance that Joe Lieberman, the 2007 CotY, is ineligible. Like the Heisman Trophy, I feel like the CotY should be spread around and not handed to the same candidate repeatedly. Let's be honest, I could give it to Lieberman every year and it'd be hard to criticize the choice.

I regret giving Holy Joe the award in 2007 because he was practically begging for this year, but fortunately these twelve months offered a cornucopia of candidates whose exploits match his toe-to-toe.
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In fact, there are so many "winners" this year that I will give out second- and third-place trophies to the finalists who just missed the gold medal. I'll concoct some sort of prize if anyone guesses the top three candidates.

11 thoughts on “THE COVETED CotY AWARD”

  • Ok, I'll guess John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Mark Penn.

    Other guesses would have been Hannity (because he could be the Ralph Nader of CotY, always running), Jeremiah Wright, Rod Blagojevich, Henry Paulsen, Bob Corker, and GWB.

  • #1 Bill Kristol. For giving us a terrible nytimes column in 2008 and Sarah Palin.

    #2 Senator Phil Gramm. Nation of Whiners. Financial Deregulation.

    #3 Sarah Palin. "Real America" turns out to be a resource-rich military colony that survives as a parasite on the oil industry.

    I think you may have H. Clinton and Dubya in close running for the bronze, but i think as the year ended you would ease up on them. Dubya in particular seems like a joke these days, hiding from his convention worse than Clinton did in 2000. But maybe not.

    Pat – Mark Penn is inspired.

  • I *love* the thought of Axl Rose, but were the focus of this blog more apolitical, I'd agree. But I think this year's nominees are pretty much predetermined as election-related-cocksuckers. To wit:

    Blagojevich makes a strong end-of-the-year pull from the back of the runners, but is it enough to merit a top-three spot? I'd say so, if only because the cocksuckery was truly impressive–he made a certain Alaskan senator/felon look positively saintly in comparison–so I'll give him the #3 spot. Be as cynical as you want about this election, it *was* an important one, and hope won out over fear, and tolerance over bigotry, and coming in like a carpetbagger and saying, "Now, how can I profit from this in the most grostequely corrupt manner possible?" is a Triple Crown moment of cocksuckery.

    I'd have to guess that McCain is going to be in there, since choosing Palin (or agreeing to go along with the choice) is the kind of cocksucking call that puts the free world in serious peril in order to win an election. Plus his campaign was so full of such calls ("I'm suspending my campaign–wait, the poll numbers aren't turning around–I'm back!") that I have to give him a slot in the top three.

    Dick Morris, like Lieberman, needs to be taken out of consideration, else he'd win every time. The man is the photo next to the wikipedia entry on "Slithering Filth." And of course you just *know* that Cheney is doing things behind the scenes that would make him the Olympic champion of cocksucking. (Eat your heart out, Jenna Jameson!) But, like Bush, who was neutered by the campaign's need to keep him offstage, Cheney's not been public enough to win.

    Shit, this is hard. So many choices. I dunno–Karl Rove? Seems like it's always a safe bet to go with Karl Rove. He's been particularly…chatty this year–a year in which *his* strategy for winning "a permanent GOP majority" has instead done a Hiroshima-in-the-path-of-a-coincidental-tsunami number on it. Fuck it: Rove.

  • I'm gonna go with Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and Bill Kristol.

    Maybe Bill Ayres, too. I really dislike that guy.

  • CoTY huh? Will there be a statute?

    Here are my nominees –

    (Dis) Honorable mention: Eliot Spitzer (hypocritical jerk); Sarah Palin (tool); John Edwards (ass); Liddy Dole

    #3 – John McCain – for selling his soul for the opportunity to lose to Obama and making my father upset with the fact that a party that once stood for limited government is now a rudderless joke.

    #2 – Bill Kristol – I couldn't write it any better than Ed has…

    #1 – Fox News – I would just make the award plural and give it to the whole group.

  • 3 – Palin, would be higher ranked but she was so useless even to her own party
    2 – The Kristol meth of pundits
    1 – Blagojevixhdishelgjh (or however you spell it) not for being the most corrupt politician the Dems. have fronted in years but for having met Obama

  • I'm unqualified to guess. But that won't stop me. Consider these as nominations, if not guesses:

    1) John McCain
    2) Blago
    3) Henry Paulson

    I mean, sure, you could put Dubya and Lord Chaney in there, almost any year. But calling that out for special attention? It's like being surprised when Hannibal Lechter has odd food choices, or when a right-wing political evangelist gets caught molesting teenage boys. You just kind of expect this behavior from them.

    Can't really call out Joe the Plumber…he wasn't a jerk about it…it was just the way he was used.

    Karl Rove or his proteges? I dunno…to some extent their behavior has made the right more transparent, so I can't fault them.

    You know, if the Christian right actually represented, you know, Jesus' views, then the Original Hippie himself would have to get a big nod, this year. I mean, lots of lousy stuff done purportedly in his name. Of course, if you believe in Jesus teachings, and you believe he's watching from on high, then you probably also expect he's grimacing and saying "I gave my life for this? You tools are squandering the gifts I've given you, and acting against my teachings. This hurts worse than crucifxion." (Maybe not that last part.)

  • Dishonorable Mention: The press in general. Most recent example: The Shoe Thrower story, in which almost every mainstream (c.f., bought-and-paid-for) media outlet either failed entirely to communicate to the American public the words attendant to and the meaning behind the man's gesture, or made brief mention of the kiss/dog aspect with hardly a single major outlet mentioning the reference to widows/children/dead. This example is part and parcel of many, many years of lazy and/or corrupt so-called journalism throughout the American press, whose members have sunk to the approximate level of "law enforcement" in Mexico or "democratically elected leaders" in former Soviet republics.

    3. Bernard Madoff (though in truth I think G&Ts will put him first), for being the archetypal "investment broker" in that, at the simplest level, there is labor, and there are the fruits of labor. Anyone else in between functions in some manner or another as a middle man. Investment brokers are the middle men of middle men, in that they create nothing. Think Gordon Gekko, only instead of owning, they don't even do that. Ponzi schemes will come to be known as Madoffs, as in "The aristocracy of any society or nation executes and thrives as a result of a ruse perpetrated under the guise of this or that theory (e.g., capitalism, socialism, etc.) when in fact they are nothing more than the various Great Ozzes (sp?) of one after another Madoff."
    Suffice it to say that Madoff is merely the greatest single example of the particular breed of kleptocracy that rules the day these days. The boards and leadership of the ever-larger companies and other business entities, organs, and limbs are staffed by and large by ignorant, arrogant, avaricious fuckheads. Millions upon millions simply want to go to work, get a paycheck, and live their lives. The current economic culture is essentially the Fritz Lang film "Metropolis" without the faux heroism of any fortunate sons (save perhaps Madoff's own, who tipped off the FBI re: their father) to reverse the trend. However, it was thousands of days late and upwards of $50,000,000,000 short, given that Madoff's shenanigans/abhorrent crimes were investigated and (gasp!) given a clean bill of health by the Bush administration despite years of evidence and testimonials to the contrary. I for one have been resigned for some time now to the fact that we are headed into the modern-day equivalent of what my great-grandparents went through in the 1930s.

    2. George Bush, Jr., for being such an unadulterated PoS in ever more disgustingly patrician and careless ways as he has fundamentally foundered our country and now sits idly by watching the pretty colors of the flames on the water.

    1. Barack Obama, for giving plenty of hints that he'll be a lot more like B. Clinton than F. Roosevelt (e.g., FISA bill/immunity for telecoms/willfully disregarding the rule of law, the 4th Amendment, and the right of the people to redress; Cheney speaking admiringly of his security team; giving State to H. Clinton despite many other far more qualified, capable candidates; etc.)

  • Myconfidentz, I'm confused by your Madoff hate. I have always believed that the wealthy are corrupt, and the Madoff story is not shocking to me at all. Saying a rich guy ripped off people to get rich(er) is like saying the sun rose. Let me guess: twenty-something Hollywood actors do drugs! politicians are crooked! criminals are sometimes rude to other people! Wow!

    It's the Bob Corker nonsense that gets me pissed. He's wrapped himself in the cloak of "free market ideology" when he's a union-busting thug. This piece of shit is just looking to ruin another part of the middle class.

    In six months (or maybe three), when GM goes under, there will be a massive ripple effect throughout the economy. It will pull Chrysler under. Auto parts companies will go next. Then Ford will be screwed. Rental car companies (already hurting) will follow. Local TV network affilliates, radio stations, and newspapers will lose a big chunk of advertising from car dealers and starting dropping like flies. All the unemployment will be sufficient to put several airlines out of business, as recreational and business travel plummits. Boeing and Lockheed Martin will be in critical condition, and Congress will have to act to protect them, probably nationalize them like the Navy shipyards.

    But UAW will be broken, and gas will be cheap (thanks to demand destruction). Win / win?

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