NO VACANCY ON THIS CROSS

A few days ago one of my Instaputz colleagues brought attention to this piece from Debra Saunders of the SF Chronicle. Entitled "Enough of Sarah Palin, the Victim," Ms. Saunders opines:

I wish Sarah Palin would just go away. During the 2008 presidential campaign, I wrote about the unfair personal treatment to which the political press corps subjected Palin and her children. Now I just want her to stop milking her role as GOP martyr. Palin should stick to her day job – by which I mean, governing Alaska, not being fodder for talk-show humor. Both parties have their umbrage industries – thanks to true believers, who love nothing better than to see themselves as victims of a perceived double standard. Last week, comedian David Letterman's two off-color jokes about a Palin family trip to New York led to an orgy of indignation.

I can only hope that Ms. Saunders survived the shocking orgy of indignation which, like clockwork, streamed forth from America's Favorite Female Alaskan Incumbent Governor last week. While still not quite dismounted from her crucifix over a stupid David Letterman joke, the woman who wants to be your President set her sights on even bigger, even more powerful game: some two-bit Alaska blogger named Linda Kellen Biegel. Ever heard of her? Me neither.

Ms. Biegel did a 30-second photoshopping job on a picture of Palin holding her infant son, replacing his face with the face of an Alaska media personality, AM Radio jockey Eddie Burke, who is (apparently) perceived to be Palin's lackey. Here is the amateurish result:

art_palinpic_cnn

The humor isn't very complex. Palin holds baby. Baby replaced with radio host. Radio host is Palin's baby. I guess the most offense you could take from it is, based on the fact that the baby is Trig, Biegel is insinuating that the radio host is retarded. Personally I find that hilarious. Regardless, Trig is Palin's only baby at the moment. Her other kids are all grown. So if someone wants a picture of Palin holding a baby, it's going to be Trig. God knows she took every possible opportunity to be photographed holding PropTard (facing out, of course) during the election.

The reaction was predictable. "Recently we learned of a malicious desecration of a photo of the Governor and baby Trig that has become an iconic representation of a mother's love for a special needs child," (emphasis mine) Palin spokeswoman Meghan Stapelton told CNN. "Desecration"? This isn't the fuckin' Shroud of Turin. It's a public domain .jpeg of which about 300 billion versions exist. I suppose such a common photo could be "desecrated" if it had, you know, the Dalai Lama or Pope John Paul II on it. I'm not convinced that anything associated with Palin, including this picture, is "iconic." Just a little full of ourselves, aren't we, Meghan Stapleton? Someone photoshops a Palin pic and all of the sudden it's like someone airbrushed a damn Weezer logo on the Magna Carta or pasted Jesus' face on the unfortunate bottom in sadistic gay porn pics.

Stapleton followed that, "The mere idea of someone doctoring the photo of a special needs baby is appalling." So would photoshopping a non-tarded baby be OK? I'm confused. Was the photo "desecrated" in the sense that Palin's child was made part of a partisan attack or is it because said child is "special?" I need clarification.

By the way, this is the 7th picture which comes up when Google image searching "Obama photoshop."

bama

I can't imagine how even the most ardent Palin supporters have the stamina for the level of faux-indignant martyrdom she's embracing at this point. How can anyone be so constantly and so grievously offended by…well, everything? Oh, wait. It's because said person has absolutely nothing else to say. The McCain campaign and Palin's own media handlers have been beating this drum since Day One. As I noted way back when, it's the Spiro Agnew strategy all over again: bring some complete idiot into the limelight, have him/her sit there like a wounded puppy, and try to reel in sympathy votes when the media rips Puppy to shreds. Aww, that's terrible! How could anyone do that to such a helpless little puppy?

Sarah Palin used her kids, whether it's her handicapped baby or her knocked-up teenager, as Social Conservative Credential props more than any national candidate in the last 50 years. Even Bush never stooped to waving his daughters around so the media could attack them and he could benefit from sympathy. The Bush kids spent very little time in the spotlight even though the media badly wanted them on camera (because, of course, they're hot and blond). I have the feeling that if they were Palin's kids she would have had them in thongs, spread-eagle on the hood of a 1968 Pontiac GTO in full view of a few dozen photographers so that the Governor could wring every fake tear out of the ensuing outrage that the privacy of the candidate's family could be so violated.

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27 Responses to “NO VACANCY ON THIS CROSS”

  1. FMguru Says:

    Is she really planning on doing this outrage-of-the-week stuff for three more years? That's 156 outrages left to go.

    The real reason, of course, is so she can sell her Sarah The Persecuted shtick to credulous Republican primary voters in 2012. I've stood up for conservative beliefs, she'll say, and they went after me at every opportunity. The big media talk show programs and those hateful leftwing bloggers are so afraid of our ideas that they went after my children. Yeah, the rubes are gonna eat that up.

  2. MildlyDisturbed Says:

    Photoshopping is difficult to do well. I did this one years ago and it's the second image when googling "Reagan penis."

    The impressive member was once Rasputin's.

    Probably not worksafe.

    http://www.geocities.com/bandbuggers/news.html

  3. Desargues Says:

    because, of course, they’re hot and blond…

    Have you seen the one with the low forehead and close-set, porcine eyes, like her father's?

    The Bushes are originally fairly upper-crust mainstream Protestants. They have enough self-restraint to abhor parading one's offspring to score cheap points (I have a hunch the elder Bushes may have occasionally cringed at Junior's own obscene displays of piety). But the hillbillies from Alaska have no such compunctions; that cunt would parade her damaged baby on Jerry fucking Springer if Frank Luntz assured her it would help outdo The Huck in the next Republican primary. Ruthless, shameless white trash. Of course, it would never occur to them to apologize to this country for the arrogant presumption that she is good enough to lead it.

  4. Desargues Says:

    @ MildlyDisturbed: Don't you find it puzzling that Ronnie was so well-hung yet looked like an old hag? Perhaps he was one of those chicks with sticks?

  5. Vinny Says:

    Spiro Agnew has the best anagram ever…Grow a Penis

  6. Blaine Says:

    Would anybody really give a damn about Palin if she weren't the hottest woman ever to run for office? I mean, she IS drop dead gorgeous, and I wonder if a lot of her appeal to conservative men isn't simply sexual. That makes more sense than her being admired for her ideas, for crying out loud!

  7. Desargues Says:

    Blaine, not all of us are into sex with over-ripe cougars who spawned fivefold (to channel my inner Stewie, it'd be like a jumbo jet flying down the Grand Canyon). As to the sexually frustrated conservs — from Rich "Starburst" Lowry to the last mouthbreather checking out http://www.themilfnextdoor.com in his parents' basement — they should think twice before trying to inflict this sub-literate cow upon the rest of us just because they like saggy boobs. Fuck'em.

  8. Blaine Says:

    @Desargues: I agree with you, but how else do you explain her appeal? I don't agree that she's "over-ripe"; we all get older, and some are better preserved than others. But to conflate sex appeal and the ability to run the ship of state of the most powerful nation in the world? You have to believe that RL, Kristol, and the rest are thinking with the wrong parts of their anatomies.

  9. Desargues Says:

    Blaine, I agree with your diagnosis re: her appeal (five-time mothers are just not my thing, tho). I just think it's a really alarming state of affairs to have a sizable chunk of the citizenry willing to vote with their emotionally-stunted, mommy-fantasizin' little dicks instead of with their brains. (Well, clearly a lot of them are not known for their intelligence). By the way, this preference is also ironic, were it not so scary — they all excoriated Slick Willie like so many Savonarolas for not keeping his snake in the cage. Watch them now they make a U-turn completely devoid of self-awareness, and insist that autumnal hotness, stretch marks notwithstanding, is the premier criterion for the highest office in the land.

    G-Dubs confessed to making judgments from the gut, which is de facto well below the mind. Now these sorry assholes want to go even lower, and let their shriveled testes make the call for them.

    There is no god.

  10. BK Says:

    She's not hot. She's hardly attractive, in my opinion anyway…

    Hot dog rolling down the hall way comes to mind…

  11. MarilynJean Says:

    I agree with Ed's assertions in this post. I also agree with most commenters who can critique Palin on her lack of intelligence, credibility, etc. However, can we please leave the derogatory comments about her looks, vaginal structure and fuckability out of the conversation?

  12. jazzbumpa Says:

    I wouldn't call Sarah hot, but she's definitely OK looking for her age. Desargues points about her supporters (hmmm – now there's an image) are dead on. Lots of rt-wingers commented on her alleged hotness.

    Ed -
    Excellent post. Except it should be the trunk deck of a '57 Chevy.

    http://carphotos.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/2047/361/5115180109_large.jpg

  13. Desargues Says:

    MarilynJean: I agree. Enough with the personal attacks, even though that's her only strategy in engaging an opponent. Let's focus instead on her arguments and insights.

    [...sun sets... crickets chirping... stars glimmer...]

  14. Ed Says:

    I get the impression that Palin's base of support is mainly hyper-conservative women. Homeschool moms and whatnot. I doubt her alleged sex appeal has much to do with it.

    The right certainly has a fondness for using eye candy to push its stale, repetitive message. Megan McArdle, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, etc would all be 10th-string bloggers on Freeper forums if not for the fact that they are female and (to the pantloads who make up conservative suburban manhood in this country) hot.

  15. Desargues Says:

    Ann Coulter appeals to anyone who's secure enough in his manliness to experiment with the third sex.

  16. Desargues Says:

    But we know why these fascist harpies appeal to the former security moms, now rebranded as 'hockey' moms (Jesus, like anyone still watches hockey in this country). There's no much to psychoanalysis, but in this case, the interpretation writes itself. Always too late for the womens lib train, forced or coaxed into giving up their own dreams of autonomous fulfillment for the sake of staying home to raise the next generation of god-botherers, they transpose upon the Moose Hunter all their feelings of failure and inadequacy. Naturally, all attacks on her, real or imaginary, will be perceived as affronts to their stifled lives, or wholesale questionings of their choices. "She's a hockey mom — Just like me!" was offered with a straight face, by many a hausfrau on videotape, as a reason why women should vote for the Matron from Juneau.

  17. BK Says:

    MarilynJean – Please describe for me how the comments about Palin's looks are deragatory…

    It's not deragatory to say someone is not attractive. It's a statement of personal opinion. Sarah Palin is not hot. She's not attractive.

    She's also been beaten-up about her intellectualism by just about everyone – but apparently that's okay with you even though she has just about as good a chance of succesffuly changing either her looks or her smarts at this point in the game.

    The fact is, most of the banter on here is high-brow, stop-and-make-you-think stuff. I don't think it needs to be that way 100% of the time.

  18. Ed Says:

    I think we can draw a line at calling her a cunt and speculating on the diameter of her vagina.

    Low-brow is OK. Call her retarded. I don't think it's constructive, however, for a bunch dudes to sit around talking about how ugly or not ugly she is. That topic didn't come up in the Mark Sanford post, did it?

    That said – and I'll repeat the point from my earlier comment – I think it is legitimate to note how often the conservative movement/industry goes out of its way to find messengers for its lame talking points who will serve as Erectile Dysfunction aids for their intended audience.

  19. MildlyDisturbed Says:

    "However, can we please leave the derogatory comments about her . . . fuckability out of the conversation?" –MarilynJean

    No, 'cause fuckability was the ONLY reason I can see that she was picked.

  20. Robert Says:

    I'm actually glad she was picked, regardless of the reason. If McCain had gone with Lieberman,
    IIrc his first choice, he might have actually won. Not a happy thought from where I sit.

  21. willf Says:

    McCain was only picked for his fuckability.

  22. Desargues Says:

    Note taken, Ed. I don't usually call people the c-word, whether women or men (as they do in the UK). I reserve it for right-wing propaganda meisters or megalomaniac, delusional fascists who endanger the rest of us. If you're a woman who takes advantage of women's rights and tries to roll them back now, you deserve to be called a runny c**t, not just a c**t. If you're a sociopath who tries to turn this country into a theocracy, I will call you a festering asshole, not just an asshole.

    You better tell me to stop in advance.

  23. MildlyDisturbed Says:

    There's no reason to speculate on the diameter of Palin's vagina; we all saw the size of Trig's head.

  24. jre Says:

    God knows she took every possible opportunity to be photographed holding PropTard (facing out, of course) during the election.

    I am not easily offended, nor am I offended now by anything in the post or comments. But I am put off a little, kind of like when you walk down an alley behind a restaurant, and you get that restaurant dumpster smell.

    Because the "[risible prefix]Tard" device is only funny when the object is not actually developmentally disabled. Nome sane?

  25. kiki Says:

    Ho-Hum…just more fake "pant-shitting rage" from the GOP. (I still laugh hysterically when I think of that wonderfully descriptive and totally accurate term.)

  26. MFB Says:

    @Desargues : Easy! Nancy Davis was rumored to give one of the best blowjobs in Hollywood.