I really dislike the "hey here is some thing I found, click on it and my work is done" style of blogging and I do my best to avoid it. Hopefully I am successful more often than not. But not today. No, today you just need to look at this. Because I have laid eyes upon one of the most intoxicating trainwrecks created by man. You know Peak Oil, right? Well this might be Peak Wingnut. After this, the next rung on the crazy ladder is eating one's own crap.
You have been suitably warned. And it is work safe, unless your workplace has a policy against retardedness. So here. Look at this. For the love of God, look at it. Do not overlook the fact that it is interactive. Scroll your mouse over each person in the painting for a fun civics lesson and explanation of artistic intent.
If there is something preventing you from being willing or able to look at this, let me briefly summarize.
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It is an interactive painting entitled "One Nation under God" which depicts Jesus giving the Constitution to a small child (who will in turn give it to his "Handicapped Child" brother, if I may infer that from the captions). Not only are historical figures included – Washington, Lincoln, Hamilton, and so on – but several cultural stock characters are also present, from "Mr. Hollywood" to "Liberal News Reporter" to "Professor" clutching a copy of The Origin of the Species to "Supreme Court Justice" shielding his face from Christ for the shame of his rulings.
This is part painting, part history lesson, and part holy shit what in the hell is wrong with people. Enjoy all three components. Enjoy the artist's skilled hand with the brush, evident from the fact that Ronald Reagan looks like the dad from The Wonder Years and John Adams appears to be a presenter on The Price is Right. Learn important facts like that farmers "truly are the backbone of America" or that "There are many good people in America, they are not all Christian" as he depicts an immigrant (note: "I wanted him to have a look of shock on his face when he sees where the source of America's greatness comes from when he sees Christ holding the Constitution.") Most importantly, sit quietly and contemplatively as you try to absorb how deeply disturbed a nation must be to get to this point.
I've got nothing. Nothing else. Just look at it. Learn from it. Learn all you can. It is our only hope.
40 thoughts on “JESUS: THE FORGOTTEN FOUNDER”
Nothing new under the sun. These dipshits have been doing this stuff for years. As Thorny said in Super Troopers, "Funny…but there's nothing there."
I've learned the answer to the question: what is Ed getting for Christmas?
J. Dryden says:
As a Professor, I have to admit, he's got me nailed. I carry, at all times, a copy of Darwin–so do my colleagues, we kind of use them in lieu of I.D. tags–and work it into my classes at every given opportunity. And of course I end every lecture with "Also, fuck Jesus." It's not always appropos, but dammit, I've made a commitment to corrupt those shining young souls. Then, in the evenings, I hang out with my buddies in the Hollywood and Lawyer professions–Jews to a man, of course–and, over our evening aperitifs of unborn-baby's-blood, we laugh at how easy it is to pull the wool over the eyes of the poor simpletons of this nation. Or, as my friend in the Liberal Media puts it: "Hail Satan!"
But now this cursed fellow has kicked aside the screen and revealed the horror of our misdeeds and woeful agenda. Foiled! Foiled! Well, we can always find work selling goofballs to school children, I suppose.
Strange timing, just as Phyllis Schafley's (sp.?) son is recruiting suggestions for a Bible do-over. Working in tandem with this guy? Hey, liberals can invent conspiracy theories too.
Aslan Maskhadov says:
The Retard-o-Meter has just pegged out after viewing that painting.
Lincoln seems to be finishing off an Al Jolson number.
(and is that a young Elvis seeing off the redcoats?)
And I'm still trying to get past the word "art" in the URL.
The Supreme Court Justice is REALLY crying because they sat him next to the douchebag who CAN'T PUT DOWN THE CELL PHONE FOR TEN SECONDS WHILE ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND JESUS ARE TALKING
I'm not sure I get the bit with the immigrant ("We live in a country where we are free to worship as we please"–as long as it's Christian worship?) but the rest of it makes sense in its let's-turn-the-U.S.-into-a-theocracy kind of way. I won't even get into the part about the Founders being religious and wanting to impose religion officially onto the country.
I can't help noticing that when we are talking about the U.S., secularism is a bad, bad, bad, evil thing, we are one nation under God founded in the name of religious freedom and yadda yadda yadda, but when we are talking about the Middle East, Turkey is our ally in large part *because* they are secular and Iran is evil in large part *because* they are a theocracy which imposes strict Islamic law on the citizenry. Hypocritical much?
If the immigrant is so shameful then I wonder why he is on Jesus' right side and not on his left with Satan and all the libruls.
VGHoul- The cell phone bit cracked me up.
Ed – I think you need a copy of this for your office.
VGHoul – thank you for the much needed laugh!
If you scroll over the flag in the background, you will be informed that some states in this union shine brighter than others. I'm assuming they're just confirming that Colorado kicks the ass of every other state just by virtue of the fact that it's just so friggin' cool. Right?
And the politician looks an awful lot like Cheney. Of this I approve.
I guess the artist never read the passage about Jesus whupping on the money-changers in the temple. The idea of making money off something tied to Jesus' name must have escaped this genius.
Everyone is hereby required to check out the emended captions by some brilliant Wonkette reader, here:
I"m just so sad that you dislike my style of blogging ;(
I find the artist's lack of internal consistency amusing. He praises the school teacher — noting how critical the role of "well-trained, hard-working" teachers is in raising our youth — and SIMULTANEOUSLY denounces the professor as a smug, god-hating corrupter of young minds. Which is it? He even goes so far as to state that Mr. Professor represents the "liberal lefts (sic)" hold on our education system — but doesn't that apply to primary school teachers as well?
He uses Everson v. Board of Education (all the papers on the ground have captions as evil court decisions) as one of the judge's nation-destroying decisions that "Opened the door to the separationist drive by the courts to separate church and state". This motherfucker is exhalting the constitution while simultaneously decrying a supreme court decision that upholds part of that very same constitution — you know, that whole "no establishment of official religion" bit?
The sad part is, these aren't even inconsistencies in his mind. He puts so much thought into this painting — as wrong-headed and moronic as the thought is, I do have to give him credit for that — but he doesn't even see naked contradictions for what they are.
And the black student is holding a book by Cleon Skousen, Glen Beck's muse. That's just weird.
Some of the subjects might be very surprised to find themselves there. Ben Franklin looks like a skeevy extra from the Sabotage video. Why paint a black soldier named King to honor MLK? Why not paint MLK? He was a minister! The cringing immigrant is a Chinese atheist commie who is blinded by the light.
The internal inconsistencies in thought are best answered in images, since words grace the idiocy with too much clarity of thought:
It would be funnier if not for news like this:
Nobody fucks with The Jesus!
The Harriet Tubman caption in the amended version is pretty priceless.
Doctor Couth says:
Is it more retarded that the captioner misspelled Thomas Paine's name or that he placed him in the wings behind Jesus rather than down with the Hollywood Liberal and the secular professor where he (thank goodness) belongs?
I see your "art," and raise you some "scholarship". We haven't reached peak wingnut yet, Mr James Howard Kunstler of the snarkosphere. Only when the farm animals I linked to publish their "project" can we speak of the eschaton of American fascism.
Is Jay Cee a tree-hugger? What's with that thing on his chest?
Did anyone else see Satan in the lower right, behind the godless Mr. Hollywood and Liberal Media darling?
There's no caption for Satan… he's just, you know, there with the liberals.
And oh yeah, I missed the lesson when Lincoln was counted as a founding father…
If farmers are the backbone of this country, the nation has been wearing spinal braces for quite a while now. Socialist braces, in effect — for what else could federal subsidies for agriculture be?
I was comforted by the sight that teachers still read Darwin in America. I wish it were true, though.
Also, it looks like the minister looks way more prosperous than the vertebral farmer. Maybe he's one of the people who took to heart that shit in Conservapedia about the bible being all about the free market and low taxes.
Aslan Maskhadov says:
I wonder how he feels if someone pointed out that when US soldiers and marines aren't drunk off their asses, they are usually screwing sex-slaves in foreign lands, or raping their own personnel. Anyone who has been in the military knows that even despite the rise of evangelicalism in the armed services as of late, it is anything but a "Christian environment."
They should slap that on a plate and sell it for $19.99…throw in a Slap-Chop and some non-circulating legal tender Obama/Kennedy coins-FREE!
It doesn't matter how much they suck up, Jesus hates their ass and they're all gonna burn in Hell.
Mrs. Chili says:
Really? I have nothing to say…. I'm, well, I'm just speechless.
I suppose the fellow would be unmoved if we pointed out the uncanny similarities between his thing and the "civic art" they used to produce in totalitarian societies — it's eerie how one type of ideological crap resembles the other. He'd probably just shrug and say that, while the similarities are there, the difference is that his ideology is right, whereas the Commies and the Fascists were wrong (his shit is also fascist, but nevermind).
They say the same thing when you press them on the similarities between their Christian authoritarianism and the oppressive codes of Wahhabi mullahs in the more shitholey parts of the Middle East. "It's not fascism when we do it."
Matthew Laird says:
Look at this picture: http://chocolatebydeath.com/wp-content/gallery/cmaragorn_jfj_portfolio/aragorn2.jpg
And then look at Jesus's shirt.
JESUS IS ARAGORN.
Wow. Just wow. As Johnny Mac once said, "You can't be serious!" I actually think this painter might be joking, kind of like Stephen Colbert. You truly can make a lot of money tapping into the wing nut right (Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck). I actually would love to try something like this or Colbert and see if it works.
If this guy is serious, I hope I never get within 2 states of this guy. Did he even make it to the 1st fucking Amendment: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof"?!? The site that parodies the painting is great, also.
for yet another version.
comrade x says:
Don't blame me, I voted for the Son of God.
Bob Hopeless says:
I have to admit, I like the technology he uses-it makes for a fun viewing experience. I can imagine it being used in many different contexts, and for all I know already is, since I am pretty ignorant re web applications.
If you want to go back to the well, this McNaughton guy has posted a few replies to some of the criticism. The idea seems to be that he feels America is headed in the wrong direction, and so a incomprehensible, incoherent, picture is the best way to stem the tide of liberal ascendancy. To add more gristle to the mill he compares the teaching of evolution with the teaching of religion in schools. I've never understood what people mean by having religion in schools? Are we supposed to have Bible study mandatory for all students?
Aslan Maskhadov says:
MP, can you provide a link to his responses? This is a flame war I have to get in on.
Here it is: http://www.mcnaughtonart.com/artwork/view_zoom/?artpiece_id=353
Its the same link to the original painting, he has just posted some comments at the bottom.
Aslan Maskhadov says:
His mouse-over for the Fifty Stars (at the top): "blah blah blah. Some stars shine brighter than others." Yeah – like the Blue States that subsidize the retarded Red ones, invent the cures for diseases, educate children so they can get jobs to continue subsidizing the dumb ass Red state morans. (No offense, Ed – I'm positive that retribution for all my years dissing Red States is that I'll get a job at a university in one this year. Like Texas. Where I'm sure to be tarred and feathered.)
Also – in his brilliant exegesis on symbolism, I think number 51: I don't know what Satan looks like but I know he is very real.
Wow. Not only is Satan real, the "artist" knows it's a HE!! This guy must be freaking connected. Or John Doe insane: "Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo", masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!"? Yeah. Do you guys do that? "
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