When a person or group of people puts extensive effort into trying to correct your behavior for the better, nothing rattles you quite like seeing them give up and walk away in a cloud of anger, defeat, and disgust.
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Imagine visiting the old family doctor and after years of hearing "Stop eating so much red meat," "Stop smoking," and "Get more exercise" you brace for more of the same. Instead she walks into the examination room, looks at you with weary resignation, and announces, "Fuck it.
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Go to Hardee's. Smoke unfiltered tar. I don't give a shit anymore." That would be shocking because the doctor is supposed to be the person who gives you the right advice even though you clearly intend to ignore it. This is why teachers and professors listlessly remind every class not to wait until the evening before the due date to start their papers even though we are fully aware that everyone will. We do it because if you're going to engage in harmful behavior we want, at the very least, to instill awareness of the fact that it is harmful.
With that, my befuddlement at the decision of the American Academy of Family Physicians to enter into an endorsement deal – ahem, 'corporate partnership' – with Coca-Cola. Aside from being a landmark in the history of surrendering one's dignity for cash and making a public show of sucking Satan's wang as enthusiastically and noisily as possible, this represents an exceptionally troubling abrogation of professional responsibility by the Academy. They proudly announce that they eagerly await:
working with The Coca-Cola Company, and other companies in the future, on the development of educational materials to teach consumers how to make the right choices and incorporate the products they love into a balanced diet and a healthy lifestyle.
Translation: we give up. You're going to drink Coke anyway so we're lowering the bar and simply hoping that you'll cut back to 96 ounces per day.
Coke is bad for you. Soda is bad for you. It's a 200-calorie can of corn syrup and chemicals. Diet soda lacks the calories but doubles down on the unnatural chemical additives. And doctors have an absolute – not relative – obligation to tell you to avoid it. If you're not going to follow that advice anyway, and I certainly understand that few people do, why get worked up about it? Well, I'm glad you asked. Several reasons.
First, the conflict of interest involved in taking Coke's money is embarrassing. The company's view of health and nutrition is comically self-serving and diametrically opposed to what we know about the obesity epidemic, especially among children.
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Doctors know, as the linked article points out, that morbidly obese children are often taking in 1000 to 2000 calories per day just in soft drinks. Yet Coke CEO / Satan's Fluffer Muhtar Kent summarizes the company's Pollyanna Theory of American Obesity in a WSJ editorial: Coke doesn't make people fat. Eating too much of everything that isn't Coke coupled with insufficient exercise makes people fat. Of course. Is the AAFP going to endorse this position?
Second, how is Coke's money going to affect the research the group claims will be funded? Are they going to start falsifying data to make it look like drinking liquid sugar is OK or are they going to piss off their new corporate partner? How much BS will they shovel in creating an explanation for how Coke is "part of a healthy diet"? I envision an updated version of those old commercials which claimed that Lucky Charms were part of a healthy breakfast as long as you ate an orange, a bunch of grapes, two slices of dry whole grain toast, and a scrambled egg with it.
Third, no good can come of watering down the message from "Eliminate this from your diet" to "OK, we give up.
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Just try to take it easy" combined with some fallacious theory about "making up for it" with more exercise. There is a meaningful difference between treating yourself to the occasional Coke while understanding that it's bad for you and convincing yourself that it isn't bad in moderation. And that is what Coke is trying to buy here – legitimacy for and dissemination of the idea that, gee, it's really not so bad.
Getting the blessing of medical professionals must be a dream come true for Coke, the kind of publicity that a company can't just buy. Wait. Actually it can be bought, and as usual the price was disturbingly low.
Matthew Laird says:
I think that you should adopt this strategy, Ed. Get an endorsement deal from Red Bull or No-Doze tablets (used by truckers!). And then assign papers the day before they're due, and give out coupons for a nickel off the Red Bull and pills along with the list of topics.
The students may complain, but they would have done the same thing anyway. In this case, they save a quarter, and you get to line your pockets with ill-gotten gains. Fuck it!
jon says:
I'm sure they'll justify this whoring with some claims about posters in the schools, educational funding, and other loads of steaming crap, but there's really no getting around the fact that Coca Cola is not good for you. Even in the Real form that uses actual sugar, soda is unhealthy, unnecessary, and a worse public health menace than smoking, illegal drugs, and drunk drivers. Combined, probably.
And since I drink a lot of the stuff, I'll be happy to have it taxed in a similar way as alcohol and cigarettes. If I stop as a result, good. If I don't, at least I'll be attempting to pay for some of the damage I do. It's not going to kill me to pay more for it, nor will it balance the budget, but I'm okay with some more taxes being raised. If nothing else, it will get me to drink more of my home-brewed tea. And if I pour in a lot of sugar….
Dave in IL says:
It's Mammon's wang, to be precise.
jazzbumpa says:
This is simply capitalism in action.
At the rate things are going, I'm going to be a god-damned communist before I'm 70.
DisplacedCapitalist says:
Well, if it was the American Dental Association, I'd say it was a conspiracy to drum up more business since root canals are far more profitable than regular visits.
Does the AAFP profit from obesity?
Parrotlover77 says:
Odd. I've never heard a doctor tell me to not drink Diet Coke. Coke, sure. I've heard them say 'scale back the soda' back in my teen years when Coke was basically all I drank. All doctors I've seen are gleeful that I am a diet drinker, but then maybe add a little "drink water too," which I do.
Now, dentists on the other hand. They are nazis against anything that is remotely slightly acidic. It seems they are only happy if you eat/drink bread, water, and cucumbers. And then immediately brush afterwards.
Desargues says:
I've also heard that Luckies are good for your digestion, and that Camels are just what the doctor ordered.
Johnnyboy says:
Desargues, those ads are confusing. I don't know whether to be horrified or laugh my ass off. Or both.
I say "fuck it", too. It's all about culling the herd, as far as I'm concerned. It's the same reason I praise children that don't wear helmets while using ATVs. If these idiots want to off themselves before they reach prom age by exploding their hearts with sugar, so be it. This way, I'll get all the Medicaid and Medicare I need before (as adults) they start taxing the system down to zero with emergency room visits because they can't seem to catch their breath when they reach for a Hot Pocket™ with Extra Cheese while watching the WWE.
Give up. Coke is like the Borg only sweeter.
J. Dryden says:
To think–the only thing separating Dr. Hibbert from Dr. Nick Riviera is a few decades' worth of cynicism born of total public indifference to the fact that they're killing themelves.
Desargues says:
Johnnyboy: my former advisor had an original copy of the second poster hanging in his office. It's real.
Matthew Laird says:
Hey Desargues and Johnnyboy,
I tried to get a book published of vintage cigarette advertising, which included those ads in addition to lots of other gems. The people at two different publishing companies did not see the appeal. Ah, well.
Desargues says:
Give it a few years, Matthew. The American Medical Association may become interested in it. I hear they publish 'educational' materials.