With age comes experience, and with experience comes the ability to recognize the exceptional when it flutters through one's life. I see a lot of FJM-worthy material, columns with pedestrian names like "Why Liberals are Stupid" or "Tea Parties: a New American Revolution?" These pieces are fun to dissect but they lack greatness. They are run-of-the-mill conservative boilerplate. This is why alarm bells start ringing when I see something entitled "Discrimination is Necessary: Subjecting kids to weirdos undermines standards of decency" by the editorial board of the Washington Times. This promises to unfasten its fly and piss excellence all over America. Prepare for a golden shower of wisdom and logic. While enjoying the moist, salty waves of truth you should ponder the mystery of why the Times is bankrupt, fired most of its staff in December, and is searching for a buyer. You know, the same Washington Times founded and owned by the Moonies and so far to the right that even most Republicans can't take it seriously. On the plus side, since the paper can no longer afford proper maintenance for its office the remaining staffers must contend with meter-long black snakes in the building as they pretend to work and search desperately for new jobs. So that sounds exciting.
Grab an umbrella, kids, because the Moonie Times is about to go all Pacman Jones on us and make it rain.
First-graders should not be forced into the classrooms of teachers undergoing sex changes.
Whoa. I didn't hear about this. Media: fail.
Religious broadcasters and faith-based summer camps should not be forced to hire cross-dressers.
This neither. Why wasn't this all over the news? Certainly it derails the Levin-Sanders Pre-Op Tranny and Transvestite Fairness in Summer Camp Employment Act currently occupying most of the Senate's time.
Women should not be forced to share bathrooms with people with male body parts who say they want to be females.
Huh. This is getting weird. This all sounds quite controversial. Should be on the news. And for the record, while I understand the logic of separate bathrooms based on one's genitals, how in the hell does anyone know what the person in the next stall is using to urinate? I mean, someone could walk into a women's restroom in a dress, close a stall door, and pull out a penis – or a nice novel, or an otter pelt, or a gold-plated kazoo, or the Shroud of Turin – and you'd be none the wiser. And it really wouldn't make any difference, would it?
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Yet those are some of the likely results if Congress passes H.R. 3017, the so-called Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which is due for a vote this week by the House Education and Labor Committee.
OK, now I see why I haven't heard about any of this: because you just made it up. It's your fevered, juvenile imagination playing the slippery slope game and trying to shock whatever remaining shut-ins and Teabaggers are still reading this rag. And while we're here, what does "so-called" mean in this context? Am I reading the so-called Washington Times? It's the name of the damn bill, not a proposed new state of matter. It's not the shadowy leader of an underground gang of supercriminals. It's not a tip on the whereabouts of Judge Crater.
ENDA purports to "prohibit employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity."
Does it "purport" to prohibit those things or does it prohibit those things? I'm really enjoying this alleged column by the purported editors of the so-called Washington Times.
Clever politically correct wording aside, this is a direct attack on common sense.
I don't think you people know that adjectives have actual meanings. They are not simply things inserted in sentences to make them sound prettier. How is this "clever"? Speaking of bathrooms, I have read better things scrawled on the walls of a few in my life. Like the bar in Bloomington that briefly had "FUCK BILLY OCEAN" on its bathroom wall three-foot-high letters. That was way better than this.
On some matters, it is good to be discriminating.
Choice of newspapers? Yes, then you should be discriminating. Equal application of basic rights? Not so much.
It is right to discriminate between honesty and dishonesty, between politeness and impoliteness, between right and wrong. And it assuredly is right to be discriminating in choosing who teaches our children. ENDA would make it impossible for a non-church-based charter school, for instance, to remove from the classroom a "she-male" who insists on exposing her pupils to her unnatural transformation.
Slow down there, Professor Science! I can't keep up with these medical terms like "she-male." I thought the proper term was "Chix with Dixxx."
This is no idle threat.
No one suggested that it was! Who would take lightly the hypothetical prospect of a child at a non-church-based charter school – and who doesn't have a few of those?
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– whose teacher gets a sex change? That has to include, what, like 50% of America's teachers? Maybe 70% in our non-church-based charter schools.
ENDA would supersede the laws of 38 states that do not have laws treating those with an unusual "gender identity" as a legally protected "class" of citizens.
That "sounds" like the segue into an "interesting" "argument" by these "writers."
Andrea Lafferty of the Traditional Values Coalition wrote in the April 20 edition of Roll Call
Well this seems like a good source – the kind of group that should be deciding who gets what legal protections.
about several examples of cross-dressing or sex-changing teachers who claimed protections under state disability laws (in the 12 states that do indeed protect "gender identity") and were able to remain in the classroom despite parents' protests.
Wait, you mean schools don't just bend over and do whatever hysterical and in some cases barely-literate parents demand they do? Well this whole system is just broken.
Perhaps the worst was at California's Foxboro Elementary School, where a music teacher underwent surgery to become a man, but parents originally were not even notified because administrators feared running afoul of medical privacy laws.
You mean their well-grounded fear of violating privacy laws by arbitrarily sending home a letter to let parents know that a teacher had an elective surgery?
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Shocking.
Even if California wants to be so foolish, the residents of the 38 states without such absurd legal strictures shouldn't be forced to do the same. States have a sovereign right to set standards governing behavioral – as opposed to immutable – personal characteristics.
Wooo! Chalk up another noble cause for the States' Rights argument.
ENDA does provide supposed exemptions for churches and church-based schools to refuse to employ sex-changers and cross-dressers. But the exemption is far less than meets the eye.
Look out, St. Michael's Summer Camp for Pale Young Boys! This means you, Camp Hope for Unwed Teenage Mothers! The trannies are a' comin'!
Even religious organizations, under the standards cited, are prohibited from making employment decisions based on the worker's sex. ENDA opponents rightly cite last year's 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals note in Prowel v. Wise Business Forms that "the line between sexual orientation discrimination and discrimination 'because of sex' can be difficult to draw."
Note that this passage has absolutely nothing to do with the previous statement about alleged holes in supposed "exemptions" for purported churches.
In short, courts easily could decide that even parochial schools must hire she-males to teach their kindergartners.
Flawless. Just flawless logic. "Here is an exemption that disproves the weak-ass point we've been making. Here is basically an unrelated case from a low-level Federal court. In conclusion, the exemption is clearly meaningless." It's like Clarence Darrow rose from the grave, which is ironic given that we are reading the modern-day William Jennings Bryan.
Similar problems abound in this bill, which treats a conscious decision to choose a new or different sexual identity as if it were an inherent, unavoidable condition. But it's not. It's actually a psychological disorder, officially listed as such by the current American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
Well, gender identity disorders are listed. Sex change operations aren't, which makes sense given that they are a treatment for said disorders. If you believe something is a psychological disorder (which is debatable, but let's run with it) it wouldn't make a lot of sense to oppose someone taking steps to address it.
Our children and our co-workers should not be forced by law to be held hostage to such disorders, nor should employers be forced to have psychologically troubled persons as the public face of their businesses.
I'd actually take my chances with a trans person than one of the thousands of teachers in America – right now – who believe the Earth is 6,000 years old. Or one of those teachers who bang 13 year old boys. Yeah, I'd definitely go with the post-op over that.
It seems like there are two larger problems here. One, parents want the state to step in and save them from having to explain things to their children. Yes, this could be very difficult for young kids to grasp. Maybe it would be beneficial for teachers to have these procedures done over the summer or on a medical leave before starting fresh with a new class in the fall. I'm not entirely unsympathetic to the underlying argument here – 6 year-olds might not be able to process this. That they should be legally protected from it because it is "wrong" or whatever is an argument undeserving of my sympathy or that of anyone else.
Second, the Moonie Times is clearly in its death throes and pursuing a fairly logical strategy in response to its desperate situation: running as far to the right as humanly possible and hoping to carve out a niche as THE newspaper for people who hand-load their own ammo and homeschool their 11 kids. There's an inherent flaw in this plan to corner the Teabagger/neo-Bircherite audience: they don't read newspapers. Not even a newspaper that spits back what they want to here in the simplest English will find enough subscribers among this demographic to remain solvent. Reverend Moon is rapidly discovering that there is a very small market for a newspaper aimed at people who reflexively hate reading.
Zeb says:
I can't believe they used the word "she-male" in an ostensibly serious column. Isn't that a derogatory term, anyhow? Why didn't they just say "f*gs" while they were at it (which is what you know they wanted to)?
I guess 'transgender' just has too many letters n stuff.
justme says:
Ah. Of course. The Moonies cautioning us all about having our children exposed to weirdos. Right.
This could be good. Irony is spinning in its grave at such a pace that if we can get it on a boat out in the gulf, BP ought to be able to have that interference bore drilled in a few hours.
HoosierPoli says:
Ah yes, the time-honored "DSM-V" argument. Justifying sexual prudery and denialism for over a hundred years!
Mike says:
Ah…. this shit brings a tear to my eye regularly. Well done.
vghoul says:
Hmmm. Invoking the "spectre" of queer schoolteachers & unisex bathrooms… the first thing I thought while reading this was "Wow, is Phyllis Schlafly on the Washington Times's editorial board?"
…and it turns out she's a "staff writer." Hm.
Hobbes says:
I've asked this question many times in many different forums, and I will continue to ask it – why DON'T we just have unisex bathrooms?
Crazy for Urban Planning says:
This is remarkable. Here in Missoula the City Council has just passed an ordinance similar to the one talked about here. People came out of the wood work to talk about the bathroom thing. Check out the website they started: http://notmybathroom.com/
To me its really paranoid delusional nonsense! I have no idea what the hell they are talking about.
Let me go to something we should all learn about: I think we need some type of criteria to determine whether or not an issue is big enough for government to take action. Are enough people affected by the so-called "she-male" population to merit government action and time? I don't know.
twiffer says:
well, we certainly cannot have m-to-f post-op transgenders using the women's bathroom. since they used to be men, they will INVARIABLY leave the damn toilet seat up. it's a fact. and that will surely destroy america.
also, if children learn that a) not everyone is the same; and b) that's okay, then how can we ever teach them to hate properly? they might start to question our "traditional" values! we may have to actually talk to kids and explain things to them! children thinking and becoming tolerant? another step towards the destruction of god's america. the horror!
Zoe says:
Ed,
As one of the persons being directly attacked by this article, I appreciate your taking it on and exposing its stupidity. A few simple facts might go a long way to proving just how empty their case is, though.
First, by the time a person actually qualifies for a surgical procedure to change sex, they must have been living in the role for at least a year… and usually much longer, considering it can cost between $20,000 and $90,000 out of pocket. This means that usually students and parents will have no idea the procedure has been undertaken.
The second point is that the vast majority of trans persons wish to assimilate into their correct gender role without any notice whatsoever. We spend a lot of time trying not to stand out or be exceptional in any way that may differentiate us from people lucky enough to be born with the correct genitals. This stands for all aspects of life, professional, personal, in-the-bathroom-al. In my experience, its much more likely that a teacher will attempt to convert your child to some bizarre Korean pseudo-christian cult, than a trans teacher will willingly discuss their issues.
The last thing I will take issue with is the concept that this is a choice. Consider that a gender transition will result in high medical costs (years of hormones, surgery, costly hair removal), loss of friends, loss of family, a virtually guaranteed loss of employment (I live in Colorado, one of the 12 states with legal protection, and this is still something I've dealt with), and
continual social pressure and anxiety. With these factors taken together, it
can be seen that choosing to live this way for years, let alone permanently as I and many others have done, can not be the product of a whim or solely the product of personal choice. Whether or not it is the product of mental disorder, it certainly is an "inherent, unavoidable condition." The choice is only made in the face of a condition so terrible, it causes the a large number to attempt suicide before age 30 (some statistics place this as high as 50%, with 31% succeeding). Religious idiots always attempt to phrase this as some sort of sexual deviation, but the truth is, its an attempt to deal with a problem so large, it simply crushes the life out of you.
I hope I've been lucid in my points above, and helped to give a perspective that show just how ridiculous and base the fear-mongering is in this case. There is no room for a "so-called" difference of opinion in this case, the Times has simply lied in the worst way to damage a vulnerable group of people in order to advance the goals of a throw-back cult.
Zoe says:
btw, "she-male" is a kind of porn, not a person.
MarilynJean says:
Thanks for dissecting this so humorously, Ed. @Zoe: thank you for sharing your personal experience and some salient facts about the struggles that transgender people face.
The opposition to ENDA has taken something that is designed to protect basic workplace freedoms into a "What about THE CHILDREN???" issue. Lame. Like Zoe said, people going through transition aren't trying to make a big deal out of it in their workplaces. And I will add that the unemployment rate of transgender persons is ridiculously high. (http://thehill.com/blogs/congress-blog/civil-rights/66575-enda-will-provide-critical-employment-protections-for-lesbian-gay-bisexual-and-transgender-workers)
The whole bathroom freak-out reminds me of the opposition to the ERA. I didn't realize just how strongly people feel about who they piss or shit next to in public. It's sad when it's not blindingly infuriating.
Prudence says:
Grrr… I have two close family members who have had the surgery and I will srsly fuck up the twat who "wrote" this, given half the chance.
Susan of Texas says:
The Times is one Bat Boy article away from achieving its proper place in the media.
Hazy Davy says:
Ordinarily, I enjoy the "FJM Treatment" articles…they take-down a foolish defense of a position on a currently contentious topic.
This one feels wrong, though, like it's edging toward wrestling with a pig. It almost gives some credential to the editorial by acknowledging it.
P.S. Hazy Davy has a natural confusion (and, to be fair, a bit of revulsion) about trans folks. That doesn't change the facts that
– the writer of this editorial is nutball
– I don't understand people who like avocados, and am also disgusted by those who eat slices of the lard pears. I don't think that has anything to do with avo-eater's teaching abilities.
ladiesbane says:
Thanks, Ed! Not only for the hilarity, but for taking on this topic. Even the most liberal dudes I know are either deeply transphobic or too chicken to say otherwise in public. The FJM Treatment (TM) is perfect for this kind of article: too base to discuss seriously, too pernicious to ignore, and too ridiculous not to scorn. Brann the Iconoclast is dead, so the burden is on you.
Loud cheers, Zoe!
fuzzbuzz215 says:
i love this goddamn blog.
Elder Futhark says:
What about transspecies instructors? Transgenus? I worked my way all the way up from Chordata classification under the Neoproterozoic Administration for this horseshit? And now there's talk of cancelling my H heidelbergensis privileges?
In Capitol Letters, Fuck That.
tsam says:
Hmm. Only a seriously lousy parent would have difficulty explaining this to a child. It's a human thing. You don't have to understand it, just don't be a cowardly bitch and be afraid of it. Ed, your comparison to teachers who honestly believe that the Earth is 6000 years old is perfect. I'll take my chances with someone who is changing gender (gasp! Danger!) over one of those fruitcakes any day.
Well done!
Erin says:
@Susan of Texas-
Since the Weekly World News went out of print in 2005 (too lazy to look it up), you may be a soothsayer.
Love the article Ed. You and Drew Magery still carry the torch that Ken Tremendous, dak and Junior let go November 13, 2008.
/cries into Fremulon Insurance mug
beau says:
Excellent piece, Ed.
Your posts lately have been outstanding, perhaps the best run of non-election-related G&T I can remember.
Kudos.
Prudence says:
My top Moonie-related question? What the hell does the Rev have on George Bush Snr? I mean, he and Barb go to all the shindigs and pose for pictures next to the Rev and Mrs Rev, who are a) cult leaders, and b) invariably wearing some kind of insane get-up, like the time he crowned himself king of the oceans (not unfairly since he'd cornered the market in sushi).
Inquiring minds need to know.