SYLVESTER MATUSCHKA

CNN's Erick Erickson is at half-mast:

We hear more of the same from Dick Morris, who reminds me quite a bit of Gollum lately ("There's going to be a government shutdown, just like in '95 and '96 but we're going to win it this time and I'll be fightin' on your side!") Oh Dick, you populist seven-figure Beltway operative!

See, this is why people of the Erickson/Beck ideological persuasion are terrible people. It's not because we're elitists who believe that everyone who disagrees with us is a terrible person. It is precisely because they get off on nihilism. People who cared about the country A) probably wouldn't consider something as draconian and stupid as a "government shutdown" and B) if so, would treat it like an unfortunate necessity. "There is no other option," they would solemnly say, "except to grind the gears of government to a halt." With a heavy heart they would injure the country in order to save it. They would be wrong, of course, but at least their intentions would be good.

Instead they behave like a bunch of 14 year-olds at a UFC match. DUDE THIS IS SO FUCKING AWESOME, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL WE GET TO BE OBSTRUCTIONIST ASSHOLES! DUDE, DUDE, TRY THESE NACHOS! They are getting wood at the mere thought of making people suffer and breaking things. This is what excites them. These are the kind of people who, as children, torture animals for pleasure. And as adults they get a kick out of the death penalty and bomb-camera footage on The Military Channel.

Don't forget, they haven't even won anything yet. They're rock hard because of a mid-August generic poll. Are they going to have a good year? Of course. The country is still a mess and the economy hasn't improved since the last election, so we have every reason to expect voters to drunkenly lurch back and forth between the parties in a desperate search for a solution. Should they be behaving as though they're already in power? (Well, since the majority party does whatever they say I guess we can't blame them for that.) Hmm. God help them if they don't take the House; if the best they can do after two solid years of absolute hysteria is chip away some seats from the majority, they're in trouble. And if they do gain power, what do they expect to happen after two years of accomplishing absolutely nothing?

These people are not just mean, prone to making bad decisions, and slavishly adherent to a very silly set of ideological beliefs. They are sick. And now that they smell blood, their masks are slipping off.

(PS: To cure the suspense, Sylvester Matuschka was a Hungarian mass-murderer who sabotaged trains and was sexually aroused by watching them derail and explode. He springs to mind every time I see a Republican talk about what the party intends to do with a majority.)

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32 Responses to “SYLVESTER MATUSCHKA”

  1. J. Dryden Says:

    There's a curious parental vibe going on between the two parties, one that reminds me of a pair of dysfunctional parents.

    Dems are like the cowed, defeated mom, who tries valiantly and futilely to get her kids to eat right, brush their teeth, go to school, etc., and who receives nothing but abusive contempt from her brats for giving them what they *need*, but don't *want.*

    The GOP is like the drunken, totally irresponsible dad, who takes the kids out to get misspelled tattoos, who lets them 'tag along' during bar crawls, encourages them to engage in bullying and vandalism, and generally is regarded as the 'cool' parent, despite the fact that he's doing everything in his power to kill the kids with fun-based neglect.

    And when the kids are forced to choose between them, they'll always choose Dad, unless it's the day after a particularly bad night, and the hangover is enough to make them listen to Mom for once. But the hangover wears off, and then we're back to Dad again.

    Admittedly, there are many things wrong and simplistic about this analogy, but I stand by it for one reason: in it, voters are represented as spoiled, thankless, know-nothing brats. Can this comparison be debated? I think not.

    So, yeah, we're going back to Daddy, come November. Look to see a lot of bridge-abutment collisions to follow, during which we will not be wearing our seatbelts, because "Mom's a total fascist, man."

  2. ts46064 Says:

    So if the republicans manage to 'shut down gubmint' the economy will rebound that very day right? Everyone will have a job right?

  3. waldo Says:

    See, this is why people of the Erickson/Beck ideological persuasion are terrible people. Terrible, stupid, vindinctive, racist, selfish, ignorant, hypocritical, politically perverted, chickenhawk, moronic clowns.
    Fixed it for ya.

  4. acer Says:

    I once heard depressive atheist California "tax protestor" shout-radio host John Kobylt admit, "sometimes I'm just rooting for chaos." You'd never hear that from a FOX News hemorrhoid who has to suck off uptight Christians and military jocks in the heartland. But it describes their shared 12-year-old-boy nihilism perfectly. That's not a good luck for old people.

    What really bugs me about the polls is that it can't be about any real excitement about the Republicans. The hardcore teatard candidates have most been utter failures. I can't picture millions of "undecideds" just this second deciding they give a shit about the Ground Zero Mosque and are accepting Palin as their savior. My only guess is that the economy hasn't improved, people are pissed, and they have no idea that Reaganomics was what wrecked it in the first place, so they're willing to bring back, after two years of time-out, the very assholes that caused the problem, just out of spite. I'd still argue that I'm more of a patriot than a huckster like Beck could ever be, but "American exceptionalism" is starting to look more like special needs.

  5. pnunns Says:

    Regarding American exceptionalism: Large whumps of US culture are built around the idea that it is a unique and special place that is (or deserves to be) richer and more righteous than anywhere else in the world. These are the conceptual loins from whence sprung Manifest Destiny, the fact-free conservative rejection of efficient and equitable "European" health care systems, and all points in between. But I really don't think that most Americans understand how parochial their knee-jerk "USA #1!!!" mentality really is these days. American exceptionalism now consists less of better policy – because it's fallen seriously behind Europe and Oceania in most areas – than of its collective (willful?) ignorance of the ways it's falling behind.

  6. comrade x Says:

    Well, isn't this the only plan the extreme right has had for the last 30 years? Completely train- wreck this country, so the few fatcat capitalists running the show can use the chaos to finally destroy the Republic and pick over the carcass?
    Meanwhile their teabagger dupes will still wonder why they are so fucked and looking for someone else to blame- Muslims, gay folk, immigrants, spin the wheel and manufacture some outrage.

  7. anotherbozo Says:

    Sylvester Matuschka = Erick Erickson?. Damn, Ed, I still say you have the most inspired analogies on the internet. It's gotta be a gift.

  8. Landru Says:

    Great. Another fetish for me to try out before I die. Thanks loads.

  9. oxus Says:

    So, earlier this summer Octavia Nasr was fired from CNN for mourning the passing of Hezbollah's Fadlallah (a fairly complex man) in a tweet, yet Erikson not only can get away with tweets like this, but can also claim that he is a patriot for writing it.

    Only in a country as screwed up and ignorant as ours would that make sense.

  10. sluggo Says:

    I am very afraid, that like a drunk who has yet to hit rock bottom, our country won't fundamentally change until we are barfing in the gutter and begging for help. In the long run, a major crisis could really truly bring change that we could believe in, but seriously, who wants to go through something like that?

  11. ladiesbane Says:

    One of the appeals of fascism is that it's so reassuring. Between first-hand knowledge of how grim things are, and ubiquitous media trumpeting of the Apocalypse, people are tired, stressed, broke, and fearful. No one makes good decisions after an exhausting day of rotten breaks and no breakfast. It can make joining the bad guys look good — at least you get to be on the winning team.

    But the bad guys themselves…I don't believe in hell, and karma has looked pretty weak since Pol Pot died in comfort and old age. So how do we deal with bullies? Especially when they are popular? I thought we were getting a David to fight Goliath, but we seem to have gotten a Grover Dill instead.

  12. HoosierPoli Says:

    A government shutdown won't help the deficit anymore than not paying the utilities helps you avoid bankruptcy. It'll make the problem worse and make your life suck even more than it already does.

    Call me crazy, but I have a feeling the Democrats will manage to keep very, very slim majorities in both houses. Not enough to DO anything, mind you, but enough for a moral victory.

  13. Prudence Says:

    I think these free market assholes need a work experience/field trip to the shining Valhalla of their retarded ideology– Somalia. Don't forget your bibles and Ayn Rand compendiums!

  14. jazzbumpa Says:

    What scares me is that populism in this country is now all right wing.

    Bad times set the stage for fascism, and we are in seriously bad times.

    Bad times + right wing populism –> fascism.

    In the 30's, we had left wing populism here and right wing populism in Germany.

    Here we got the new deal, social security, and labor laws.

    Germany – gosh, what happened there?

    We are so fucking fucked,
    JzB

  15. JohnR Says:

    "They are sick. And now that they smell blood, their masks are slipping off."

    Yup, and the sickness has become mainstream "just regular folks" stuff. These guys always tell themselves they're part of the real majority, silent or otherwise, but normally the press doesn't work to help them believe it. Even the so-called "liberal elite media" agrees with them now, so obviously they must be right. It's funny – it wasn't this bad under Nixon and Agnew, mainly I think because the press was covering the student anti-war stuff and the civil rights stuff. You have to wonder now if King would even be noticed nowadays by the media. All the horrid moments that led to national revulsion with the Southern vileness – would they even make the news today?

  16. John Says:

    It sort of goes back to that great Republican Paradox of "Down with the Gub'mint, Vote Me for !"

    The party has never made sense to anyone who pays attention to what it's actually saying. Yesterday afternoon I heard Hannity say, point-blank, that we need to *expand* the military — this man who has been harping, day in and day out for years, about "stopping the spending" just outright said "We should spend more on military".

    That does not make any fucking sense. Not one iota of it, given his purported stance on reducing the size of Gub'mintâ„¢ and "cutting spending". He's saying, "Reduce the size of government and cut spending — spend more on this other part of government!"

    It does not make sense if you actually listen to what he's saying.

    But if you're a gullible redneck idiot that chants along to Fox's marching beat, you don't care that none of it makes sense. You're caught up in the march following the leader, and absolutely nothing he ever says can ever be bad. Deferrence to perceived authority is absolute.

    And so now we have Republicans gleefully talking about rendering government completely and totally ineffective at anything, which does not make any fucking sense in a time when the country is suffering. But idiot rednecks just keep following the drum beat.

  17. chautauqua Says:

    And not only that, they're wearing golf pants. We're doomed, clearly.

  18. The Man, The Myth Says:

    Clearly I can't add anything to the discussion about what Republicans say or believe, the comments and Ed have covered it. I can add to the understanding by reminding people about the underlying causes of the insecurities being projected in the crazy talk. I think the cheap energy of the last 100 – 150 years is nearing its end. This problem is not understood yet, but all people are seeing small increases in prices of goods that were once cheap. These prices will never come back down. Since the Democrats are a political party still making a transition to serve the bankers and other rich people in New York, Republicans can fill the void of political leadership by offering a rose tinted version of history and blaming the government itself. This really speaks to the flaw of the political leadership process – politicians want to keep their jobs – so they don't want to tell us the truth.

  19. San Joaquin Says:

    And that is because…when dealing with the public (writ large) emotional appeals are sooooo much more effective than intellectual appeals. I'm kinda surprised we don't learn that after so many object lessons….

  20. cdr Says:

    Seems to me that it may be more accurate to describe members of the Erickson/Beck set as sociopaths, rather than nihilists.

  21. ts46064 Says:

    "Ronald Reagan ran a deficit so he could force liberals to stop spending money"

    What the fuck!?!

  22. The Man, The Myth Says:

    "Ronald Reagan ran a deficit so he could force liberals to stop spending money, Obama is spending money so he can force conservatives to vote for higher taxes…" What planet do they live on?

  23. Paul W. Luscher Says:

    Hey, what else can the Party of Dumb and Mean do, when all its ideas have failed in the most spectacular way?

  24. party with tina Says:

    The reason Erickson is giddy is because he, and the whole populist department, are very angry with what those whom they consider "Liberal Elitists" have done with the government.

  25. Comrade PhysioProf Says:

    Dude, you don't "get wood"; you "pop wood".

  26. eau Says:

    @Tina – Thank you Captain Obvious.

  27. bb in GA Says:

    So what if the Rs start "Livin' the Dream" come next January.

    BHO will still be Pres and the Rs will not have 2/3 majority + 1 in both houses much less the will to use it (Collins, Snowe, etc.). That means nothing much significant happens for the next Congress.

    The Pres says "We were on a roll, getting things done for the American people, blah, blah, …but now we see the Rs truly are the Party of NO and a 1000 times NO!" We'll get that for two years and see in 2012 if he can get re-elected…that is if the wheels stay on this sucker.

    //bb

  28. bb in GA Says:

    Yeah, you know how those "uptight Christians" are…you get several hundred thousand of 'em together and nobody gets arrested and the grounds are left in better shape then when they got there.

    //bb

  29. nunya Says:

    Jesus, BB. At least you're good for a laugh.

    They may be easily led, reactionary morons out to turn their country into a third world country but at least they learned to pick up their own garbage.

  30. beau Says:

    Funnily enough, we had a gathering of a few hunjy thou X-tian Yoof fall upon my part of the world last year.

    Widely noted in the press at the time was a very large uptick in business for local brothels and strip clubs (nyuk nyuk) and the huge amounts of litter our fair Faithful visitors left everywhere, including…. wait for it…. wait for it….. a disturbingly large number of used condoms IN PUBLIC PLACES.