So help me Jeebus, I was going to try to FJM this but…I just…can't. Hopefully by the time you get to the end you will understand why.

First, nothing that greets the reader with this is going to be good. I dare you to click to enlarge it.

Yes, apparently World Nut Daily now brings us the unfiltered, unedited thoughts of former bad comedienne and current bloated corpse Victoria Jackson. Ordinarily I'd go with excerpts but I wouldn't want you to miss any of the good parts.

Frankly, I'm afraid to say anything about Muslims. Why? Because they kill people.

Maybe that's why the liberals kiss up to them – fear. I can't wait to see Katie Couric do a story on the new Muslim women's magazine al-Qaida just put out!

Katie: Why, look at this! "Al Shamikha." It means "The Majestic Woman"! What a lovely magazine!

Veiled Woman (only eyes showing): Yes, this is our new magazine.

Katie: It's so beautiful! And glossy! And the articles are so relevant! Here's a beauty tip! Stay indoors and veiled at all times. Your skin will look like baby skin! Oh! I should try that! I have all these freckles!

Veiled Woman: Yes. Our ways should be everyone's ways.

Katie: Oh! And, look! How to raise a suicide bomber! I could use that! I've never thought of … well, too bad my girls are already grown! Maybe I can use this on my grandchildren! Thank you so much! You are so beautiful!

Veiled Woman: Allahu Akbar!

Katie: I've heard that before! Wasn't it Fort Hood?! Oh, we must go to a commercial! Be right back after this word from Coppertone Sunscreen, the skin care for pre-Muslims!

Why do liberals embrace Shariah law even though "beheading your wife" seems to go against the feminist movement's mantra? Why do liberals embrace Islam knowing it frowns on homosexuality?

Because they have the same goals. Progressives, communists, liberals, globalists and Muslims want to destroy America. When that goal is reached, they will fight for top billing. It will be bloody.

A jaw-dropping expose on the six-month undercover operation that revealed the true terror-supporting nature of CAIR: "Muslim Mafia: Inside the Secret Underworld That's Conspiring to Islamize America."

The whole Middle East conflict began back in the Old Testament. Abraham had two sons, Ishmael and Isaac. They are still fighting over who gets the "birthright." Genesis 16:12 says Ishmael will be a "wild man." I try to stay away from violence, and I wouldn't even be thinking about Islam except that they keep jumping in front of my face. No one talked about Islam when I grew up. How did they all suddenly appear in America?

My friend was a flight attendant in the Middle East in the '80s. Isn't that when we started giving them a lot of money for oil? She told me that the Arabs on her flights were suddenly covered with money and didn't know what to do with it; they gave the flight attendants Rolexes for tips; they were doing cocaine in the back with hookers. I guess they were "backslidden" Muslims. That's a Baptist word for someone temporarily not obeying the rules of their faith. And speaking of Baptists … why can't the "good, peaceful Muslims" denounce the actions of the "bad, violent" Muslims? I'm Baptist, and I denounce the actions of the Westboro Baptist Church. They are not living the way Jesus taught – but the opposite. Maybe, just maybe the "good" Muslims approve of what the "bad" Muslims are doing! Maybe they are celebrating it, funding it and cheering them on.

After the murder of a Jewish settler, his wife and his children in their Itamar home, Palestinians all over Gaza and the West Bank celebrated with street parties, passing out candy and sweets. It's not just "terrorists" who celebrate the bloody death of Jews.

A congressional committee met last week to discuss the radicalization of Muslims. My friend Jim says, "What's responsible for radicalizing the Muslims?! The Quran!"

This website says that whole "kill the infidel" thing, Sura 9:5, is misquoted, taken out of context. Really? Then why do the Muslim murderers shout "Allahu Akbar!" before they kill people? Go here to see what the Quran really says.

This whole thing is ridiculous. The liberal media praises Imam Rauf, who has terrorist ties, while it attacks patriot Pamela Geller for standing up and saying, "Don't build a victory mosque on the very spot Muslims killed 3,000 innocent Americans!" You must see her movie, "The Ground Zero Mosque: The Second Wave of 911 Attacks."

The Muslims want to tear down the Statue of Liberty! It's an "idol."

The Muslims don't want their "hijab" searched at the TSA. They are "modest." They've been advised to refuse the "pat down" and the "naked scan" and pat themselves down! Napolitano hasn't yet decided what to do. Heaven forbid they be treated like the rest of us! This is ridiculous! How many bombs do you think you can hide under one of those big, black sheets?

The Muslims are exempt from Obamacare because of dhimmitude. Muslims consider insurance "gambling."

This new al-Qaida magazine for women has beauty tips and suicide-bomber tips! Gimme a break! That is as ridiculous as two men kissing on the mouth! And I don't care what is politically correct. Everyone knows that two men on a wedding cake is a comedy skit, not an "alternate lifestyle"! There I said it! Ridiculous!

Did you see "Glee" this week? Sickening! And, besides shoving the gay thing down our throats, they made a mockery of Christians – again! I wonder what their agenda is? Hey, producers of "Glee" – what's your agenda? One-way tolerance?

Truth has no agenda. – Glenn Beck

Reading the news (the facts, not the liberal media lies) online these days is like watching a comedy horror film. Oh, and speaking of cartoons, my hand keeps trying to draw one, but I keep slapping it! I am afraid of those people!

And, one more thing, how come it's OK for everyone to take my God's name in vain and use it as a curse word, but you can't say a word about their guy?! Not fair! It's our country – live by our rules! Ridiculous!

Lastly, Adul Gheit said he had a one-on-one meeting with Obama, where the U.S. president told him that he was still a Muslim, the son of a Muslim father, the stepson of Muslim stepfather, that his half brothers in Kenya are Muslims, and that he was sympathetic toward the Muslim agenda.

Now, whether or not that is true doesn't matter. Though "O" says "57 states" and bows to Arabs, and prays with them (to Allah) while nixing our National Day of Prayer (to God), and though "O" leaves out the words "by our Creator," etc., I personally think he's a secular humanist … with a Muslim background.

But, that doesn't matter. The fact is we are in a war with no name, fighting an enemy that lives on our soil now, next door to us. Not only are they plotting our demise, but laughing at our stupidity, mocking our open arms and freedom, demanding rights above our own and soon the transformation of our churches and synagogues into mosques. President Obama is not helping us. He's helping them.

The American Center for Law and Justice is on our side. This week they delivered oral arguments in the New York State Supreme Court to stop the building of the Ground Zero Victory Mosque. Help the ACLJ help us.

Is your liquefied brain running out of your ears yet? It's cute that she explicitly stated "Now, whether or not that is true doesn't matter." at one point, as that idea is implicit in everything Victoria Jackson has ever said, written, or thought.

56 thoughts on “THE HORROR. THE HORROR.”

  • Monkey Business says:

    I'm convinced that Victoria Jackson is just doing some really elaborate piece of performance art comedy.

    My rationale is as follows: no one can actually be that brain meltingly retarded and still be able to function as a human being in any capacity. If someone were to actually be that stupid, I'm convinced they would somehow forget to breathe. I mean, this article is just so mind-blowingly stupid that even the most hardcore conservative would read this and go "Fuck me sideways, that's fucking nuts."


    (Also, too, I like how the right keeps talking about how Teh Gheyz are shoving their agenda down "our throats". Do they mistake the gales of laughter at the subtext for cries of fear, or something? Also also, too too, why did it suddenly turn into an anti-gay rant in midstream, then go back to Teh Mooslims?)

  • I'm fine with being anti-Islam, but if you're not every bit anti-Christian also, you're a goddamn hypocrite.

  • @MonkeyBusiness: If this is comedy, why does it make me want to cry?

    I completely understand Ed's decision not to respond in his usual FLM detail, for the reason that one wouldn't respond to the random shrieks of the bus-stop lurker. (Seriously, just read that 'column' and imagine that it's being spoken aloud by an unwashed man wearing three-too-many layers alone in the corner of a Starbucks–there's no need to edit to make that shift–same jarring shifts of focus, no diminution of anger and paranoia–this is a close-up of a mentally shifty soul rendered vile by suffering.) I reiterate: it's just…sad. Or it would be, except for the bigotry and the willingness of less-insane people to publish it.

    Tangentially: Shouldn't there be some kind of automatic response to lunatic questions like "Why do liberals embrace Shairah law?" Like, I dunno, asking in an equally pugnacious tone, "Why do conservatives molest leprechauns?"

  • Great. Now I can feel parts of my brain shutting off to try and protect itself after watching that.

    …..*Brilliant insight*: You know, if you assume various parts of their brains are going on- and off-line at random, Sarah Palin and the like makes a lot more sense…

  • Forgetful Man says:

    @Monkey Business and @J. Dryden

    re: performance art
    re: bus stop lurker or Starbucks ranter

    You two are genius. It's Banksy meets performance art. Dress as a bus stop lurker. Go to Starbucks. Recite her column or that of another equally unhinged rightist. Video tape reactions. Post to YouTube.

  • I think we shouldn't be too quick to dismiss this crazy lady. She seems to have unlocked some weird kind of Meta-Schrodinger's Comedy that exists in an unanalyzable quantum state until observed. Hear me out.

    If she's trying to be earnestly funny about this – that is, basically copy-pasting the craziest right-wing babble from the past three years and punctuating each bit with "AM I RIGHT, FOLKS?" and "WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THAT?" – then this is the least funny thing I've ever read. Not unfunny as in "that's mean and offensive", but rather unfunny because it's a devastating failure of comedy. It's not simply retarded, it's anti-comedy. It annihilates existing comedy that it comes in contact with.

    On the other hand, if she's trying to be serious instead, then I gotta hand it to her, she's stumbled upon comedy gold. Schadenfreude is to laugh at the misfortune of others; does it also include laughing at the idiocy of people who should know better than to ever open their mouths?

    She's stumbled on a paradoxical state in which humor can exist; in it, you always elicit the result that is the opposite of what you intend.

  • There was a point in this country when a person whose resume was highlighted as being the trampy, vacuous love interest of Adrew Dice Clay in Ford Fairlane would never have been given a shot to expouse her views in the mainstream media. I really miss those daysl.

  • Maybe it's because I've been reading and hearing ignorant right-wing shit since the Clinton presidency, but this just doesn't stand out. Honestly, it's no crazier than Pam Geller's rants or 30 minutes of Beck or Limbaugh.

    They've set the bar pretty high, and Ms. Jackson simply doesn't reach it.

  • It’s fun to mock and deride stupidity – and this *is* monstrously stupid – but I wish I knew how to TALK to these people. Living in a suburb of Atlanta (temporarily), Victoria’s sentiments literally mirror my neighbor’s – and that’s not an exaggeration. Recently the editors of a local newspaper, “The Marietta Daily Journal”, got all worked up over Kennesaw State University’s new provost who had the audacity (gasp) to quote Karl Marx. Repeat: the community was outraged over mere citations (which didn’t even endorse Marx).

    The problem, as I see it, is absolutism. Victoria and my neighbors believe, absolutely, that they’re right: all Muslims are terrorists, period; the media has a liberal bias, period; Christianity is the only “True” religion, period; gays are sinful deviants, period; Karl Marx is wrong and morally depraved, period; Glenn Beck can do no wrong, period. None of these tenets are up for negotiation; they’ve become divine, sacred values immune to discussion and reason. The very instant a question is posed, or evidence is presented, you’re dismissed as a “damned liberal” – end of conversation.

    I’m not convinced these people are simply hopeless – that’s also rather absolutist – but good grief, I have more fruitful conversations with my TV.

  • @Jeff C: Honestly, I'm not sure one *can* talk to these people. Historically, the best outcome for them would be their parent country firmly telling them to GTFO and move into the wilderness (see the Puritans for a fine example).

    We're pretty much out of wilderness, and shooting teabaggers into space is FAR too expensive. Perhaps the only hope is that they achieve critical mass in one state, secede and form a new country, Central Dumbfuckistan…

  • Monkey Business says:

    @J Dryden: It makes me want to go around and punch everyone with a "Bush/Cheney 2004" sticker still on their truck.

    @Tosh: Poe's Corollary applies.

    Jeff C.: I think that's the biggest problem with the way our political discourse is structured today. One side has completely crystallized this 1950s "Them" and "Us" mindset into a monolithic belief that the rest of the country is out to get them, strip their rights, and somehow force them into slavery. Simply put, there's no way to talk to them. Whatever you say just bounces right off.

  • I did see her on Fox News yesterday and dismissed her as a more-stupid-than-usual wingnut, but that "who needs facts anyway?" line at the end of her video has me thinking that this is some sort of bizarre troll, like that tamtampamela chick on youtube who made a video praising god for the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. She may even be a liberal doing this on purpose (and I'm not endorsing liberals doing this sort of thing; right wingnuts are perfectly capable of making themselves out to be morons all on their own).

  • Jeff –

    Absolutism is only a symptom. The root cause is conservatism. There was a time when I thought tea baggers were on the fringe. But upon further review, they really represent the bedrock of classical conservatism. Remember the pillars of conservative "thought:" ignorance, prejudice, negation of reality (I used to think this was just false choice, but have come to realize that is only a special case), and magical thinking. This isn't some angry liberal concoction I made up. If comes directly from reading Kirk.

    Does anybody remember Victoria's SNL days? Her shtick was playing the dumb blond, and she was pretty damned good at it. At the time, I had no idea it wasn't an act.

    This article is magnificent in its lack of rationality. Strip away the the hateful, ignorant, essentially thought-free content, and you still have a steaming pile of stupid. It's rambling, babbling, and incoherent.

    One wonders if WND even has an editorial staff. But, if their audience is the kind of cretins Jeff and Jude allude to, then coherence and some semblance of sense would really have no purpose.

    I guess this is why democracy fails. People are too fucking stupid to make it work.

    See y'all at the gulag,

  • I'm seeing something more like a Frank Gallagher monologue in a painfully long deleted scene from Shameless.

  • Okay, this may not need an FJM treatment, but I think I need to write out concise, take-the-child-by-the-hand replies to each point. Conservative family and acquaintances have said all those things to me, and they learn nothing if a friendly face doesn't show them anything better. No one learns from an antagonist. And some of them end up learning better — not all of it, all at once, but enough to get them to be more fair and realistic.

    The realistic perspective is not readily apparent to people who grew up in isolated areas, who have never thought about the uglier aspects of the white/Christian perspective; who have no non-white / non-Christian neighbors/coworkers/friends/family; and who learn about difference from a television that historically has shown them caricatures and criminals.

  • Y'all Commies are thinking that we on the Right (me and my snaggle toothed sons) are comin' to git cha…..THE GOOO-LAG

    No, No….y'all crazy Lefties are after US. You want to kill our Faith, steal our money and land, take our guns, shoot our dogs, and rape our women…

    Somehow, I don't think this ends well.


  • Coincidentally, last night I was reading her Wikipedia bio because I read something incredibly stupid she'd said and thought, "you know, I don't know that much about her …" I mean, I barely remember her from SNL except for her doing backbends on the Weekend Update desk. I think those were my stoner years.

    Anyway, in reading about her I was reminded that she had this bit where she'd say "You know, I can't do the dumb blonde shtick anymore …" And I started thinking it would be absolutely hilarious if she showed up at a Teanut gathering and said, "You know, I can't do the stupid Reichtard Teabagger schtick anymore …" and laid into everyone about how idiotic they are.

    A girl can dream ….

  • I said: "She may even be a liberal doing this on purpose (and I'm not endorsing liberals doing this sort of thing; right wingnuts are perfectly capable of making themselves out to be morons all on their own)."

    bb said: "Y'all Commies are thinking that we on the Right (me and my snaggle toothed sons) are comin' to git cha…..THE GOOO-LAG

    "No, No….y'all crazy Lefties are after US. You want to kill our Faith, steal our money and land, take our guns, shoot our dogs, and rape our women…"

    My case, it is rested.

  • They need their own country they can run into the ground with their ridiculous policies. Seriously. When can we re-fight the civil war?

  • @bb:
    I'm personally not a fan of Ward Churchill, Cynthia McKinney or even Michael Moore, and I'm glad they're marginal figures on the left. As a reflective conservative, I don't assume that you identify strongly with Victoria Jackson. But these are the people who run your party now.

    Obama is desperate to play ball with the right. But the mainline GOP is terrified of alienating 'tards who believe all the things Jackson does.

  • This is depressing beyond measure. And the worst part is that once people start spouting these things there is no getting them back. Logic, intellect, and reason only drive them further into the abyss.

  • well, she's right about one thing, the "laughing at our stupidity" part. i imagine the whole world's doing that.

  • bb –

    I suspect you would like to be taken seriously here. Alas, you do not advance your cause with off-topic nonsense.

    1) I seriously doubt that anyone here has much sympathy for communism. I also doubt that you have any real knowledge of communism is. Or socialism for that matter. Or capitalism, come to think of it.

    2) It is not you that we think is coming to get us. It is the Koch brothers, and their ilk. Granted, they won't soil their own pinkies. And there is never a shortage of snaggle-toothed thugs who will do their dirty work on the cheap. Still – I'm not willing to assume that you are that guy.

    3) Gulag was a bit of hyperbole, and just a throw-away line that I used because I'm tired of saying WASF, and I imagined others might be tired of seeing it. See you on the bread line would have been more apt. The point is, it's the corporatist-right that is overtly hostile to the America I grew up in – where there used to be a vibrant middle class and a robust economy. All that changed since circa 1980. If you do not know that, you don't now anything meaningful about the last three decades of life in America. Your ignorance is no accident either. The corporate controlled media stopped being reliable news outlets long ago.

    4) Us'n crazies lefties actually believe in freedom of religion. Seriously, I have no interest in converting you.

    5) Unless you a) believe that taxation is theft and b) you are in the economic top 2%, we want you to have more money not less. Pay attention, for Christ's sake.

    6) Nobody here has ever expressed the slightest interest in taking your land. Really – WTF?!?

    7) Rational fire-arms control is not taking your guns. Right wing propaganda has so poisoned the well that it's very difficult to have a rational conversation on the topic.

    8) Shoot your dogs – YES! That is why we want your guns. We don't have any of our own. No- wait – us pinkos is also aminal luvvers.

    9) Headline: "Legions of radical left-wing rapists descend upon the Georgia countryside." I know you guys are still smarting from Gen. Sherman's march to the sea; but if you think about it, lefties also believe in women's rights, which more or less takes rape off the agenda.

    10) Somehow, I don't think this ends well. Right. One for ten is not a good performance, though.

    Your Yankee friend JzB

  • I am old enough to remember Victoria Jackson on SNL. More or less a one-note ditzy blonde performance, but I do remember when she dropped it, as Southern Beale notes, which was kind of startling. But she always seemed a sweet-natured ditz. So maybe she was acting — not the dim part but covering the fact that she's been a bigoted, small-minded, fundamentalist all along. Or maybe she just lost her mind in the interim. Beyond the wild generalizations and over-the-top credulity exhibited in her piece, it's completely unhinged. I don't know why, but my favorite line is "I try to stay away from violence . . ."

  • I took bb's comment to mock the assumption that Ms. Jackson speaks for the general Right. The last line is the dead giveaway. It's futile to focus on each polarity's extremes. But acer, I think, has the final say.

  • 4) Us'n crazies lefties actually believe in freedom of religion. Seriously, I have no interest in converting you.

    Some righties seem to think that failure to convert on the part of non-xtian liberals is an offense to them–the righties–and their faith. It's in the same vein as the "war on Christmas" horse shit that's been going around every December for the past decade or so–if you say Happy Holidays to acknowledge that people other than xtians have holidays (and in December, too!) you are going out of your way to offend the freedom-loving patriotic xtians. So it doesn't matter if you don't want to convert bb or his ilk. If you're not already xtian, you must convert, or your very existence is an offense.

    7) Rational fire-arms control is not taking your guns. Right wing propaganda has so poisoned the well that it's very difficult to have a rational conversation on the topic.

    Liberals aren't uniformly for gun control, either. There's a liberal pundit local to me who says that a single woman living alone in Florida should have a gun in her possession. I believe a young woman he knew was killed in a rape/homicide in her apartment.

    8) Shoot your dogs – YES! That is why we want your guns. We don't have any of our own. No- wait – us pinkos is also aminal luvvers.

    Ayuh. Although I'm a cat person, myself. And no, I'm not a vegetarian.

  • Monkey Business says:

    "You want to kill our Faith,"
    No, you can believe whatever you want. However, I'd be thrilled if you would stop shoving it down my throat. I'm happy with my faith or lack thereof. Not interested in switching. Please put me on your "Do not proselytize" list.

    "steal our money and land,"
    I have a white collar office job and live in a city. I have more money than you do and don't want your land.

    "take our guns,"
    Nope. I fully support the right of the average citizen to own firearms for self-defense, sport, or collecting purposes. However, I do not support the right of the average citizen to own fully automatic machine guns and grenade launchers.

    "shoot our dogs,"
    Only if it's one of those yappy pomeranians.

    "and rape our women

  • @Sarah:
    The "War on Christmas" meme derives from the delusions that a) anyone who says "Happy Holidays" is being ostentatiously, smugly PC instead of just polite; and b) that anyone gives a fuck what Christians say to each other after Thanksgiving, as long as they don't spend public funds on their idolatry.

  • @bb

    I don't think they want to put us in a gulag.

    Of course, after a few more rounds of union-busting, downsizing, outsourcing, cuts to wages and benefits – it's going to be real hard to tell the difference.

  • Ladiesbane gets my point.

    I surely don't think all those things I wrote about all y'all.

    Rape our women…Please, many of y'all think we're ugly, gap toothed, cousin' marryin,' retards.

    Kill our faith – not a chance.

    "Shoot our dogs" – some of you all seriously need Miiler Time.

    But a little twist of the tale sends a bunch of y'all spinning out past Jupiter.


  • Please, many of y'all think we're ugly, gap toothed, cousin' marryin,' retards.

    But I guess you believe that we are all ignorant, generalizing idjits who get our only information about Southern folk from "The Beverly Hillbillies," eh?

    And, bb, I would argue that you poked the dog with the stick just to see it get up and snarl. Not really contributing anything to the discourse, is it?

  • bb – apparently today is Official Liberal Flip The Fuck Out Day. I had to get Very Angry with some nominally liberal fucktards who decided it was a good idea to call Lindsey Graham a (paraphrasing) faggy girl on Jude's blog. Sigh.

    And yes, I'm going to chalk Ed's post up to Poe's Corollary. I swear this woman is self-parodying, but I've been assured she isn't.

  • Wow, I read the whole thing. I want a plaque. So, liberals want to destroy America by embracing homosexuality, and Muslims want to destroy America by frowning on homosexuality? As a homosexual, I'm feeling like the 4-in-1 tool of stupid political discourse.

    But once that spastic attempt at reason was made, my brain did in fact liquefy out my ears, and all I was left with was this: Shariah Law would make an AWESOME drag name. I would totally embrace that.

    (Oh, wait, I retained two more things. Ms Jackson? Don't wear that shade of lipstick as long as you insist on posing as a blow-up sex doll. It makes you look like a cheap blow-up sex doll instead of a refined one. And when I lift my eyes skyward and say to myself "Jesus Fucking Christ, can Victoria Jackson just shut her goddamn piehole", I'm not taking your god's name in vain. I'm just praying to it.

  • Don:

    He knows she can, but I don't think He's in the business of making people shut up. That seems to be the purview of real organized folk in His name.


    P.S. – If you look back in Church history, the reference is Jesus Holy Christ. That is where the expression Jesus H. Christ comes from rather than Jesus F. Christ.

  • displaced Capitalist says:

    bb in GA is my favorite troll. Never stop doing what you do, bb. Somebody's gotta keep things in perspective.

  • Neal Deesit says:

    @Amanda 12:19 pm

    "This is depressing beyond measure. And the worst part is that once people start spouting these things there is no getting them back. Logic, intellect, and reason only drive them further into the abyss."

    Logic, intellect, and reason have a well-known liberal bias.

  • "Dude, we've seen your women. Trust me they're safe."

    apparently you've not see one of our more famous documentaries.
    stars burt reynolds and some other fellers in a canoe.
    we ain't worried about the women.

    "This is what happens when you let your kids eat paint chips."


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