CLOSET'S GETTING FULL

It pains me to acknowledge Michele Bachmann's existence twice in a fortnight but this is too amusing to ignore.

Thanks to an enterprising "undercover" amateur journalist has exposed the "Pray away the gay" clinic Bachmann operates in Minnesota, which I am stunned to learn is a state that allows people to practice counseling/therapy/etc. without a license. That works out well for "Dr." Bachmann, whose credentials include a Ph.D., the dissertation for which cannot be located (in contrast to the dissertations of people who attend real schools, which are available at libraries) from an online school called Union College. The most obvious hypocrisy is that Dr. Bachmann's "practice" received over $150,000 in Medicaid payments last year alone, although as Ag Subsidy Michele can tell you the Bachmann family is no stranger to railing against the federal dole while cashing as many checks from Uncle Sam as possible.

Marcus is but one of many practitioners in the "reparative therapy" industry, which has all the medical credibility and supporting evidence of phrenology. Speaking of hypocrisy, I began to wonder why he has such a strong interest in making ex-gays out of young gay men. Then I learned a little more about Marcus Bachmann. Watch this clip from MSNBC, including both the radio comments from Bachmann and video of he and his "wife" dancing around on stage:

OK.

Look. The on-air folks at MSNBC were forced to tiptoe around this for what I can only assume are both legal and ethical reasons. I am not similarly constrained. So, if I may be blunt: if Marcus Bachmann was any more of a queen, he would be on British money. That guy could not be any gayer if he shot rainbows out of his open palms like some kind of Spider Man. I have seen Mardi Gras parades that were not as gay as he is. He contains more DNA samples than the average crime lab.

This election season is going to be fun after all. I wait with bated breath for the cops, the media, or the average person with a smartphone to catch Marcus behind Gay 90s (if I remember my Twin Cities gay bars correctly) with his pants around his ankles while two "confused" teen runaways give him the business. It was nice of him to set up that clinic, though. He must really love Jesus to willingly spend so much time around a constant, ever-changing parade of emotionally fragile young gay men. Praise Him.

34 thoughts on “CLOSET'S GETTING FULL”

  • The tip-off: "Barbarians." That is the word-choice of a man who has read a whoooooole lot of Oscar Wilde. That is one step away from "savages" with a lisped "s". This is one of those situations where, really, you could say "It'd be sad if it weren't so funny" *or* you could say "It'd be funny if it weren't so sad." Really, you could go either way. (Rimshot.) (And by "rim"shot, I mean…And so on. At some point, the gay-sex-practice puns veer into homophobia, so I'll quit now. Point is–) "Gay people are sick" is pretty consistently code for "But I don't wanna be gay–where's the cure?!" But Bachmann should perk up–after all Arianna Huffington was a right-wingnut married to a closet-case, and she landed rather nicely on her feet.

  • Middle Seaman says:

    I cannot tell whether Marcus is, sorry. But as some the most anti-Semitic people are Jews, I am very surprised. (In the 90s, in the conservative part of Maryland, the head of the KKK was a Brooklyn Jew.)

    But Christian barbarians, and other religions, such as Michelle and Marcus, bitter M&M, are always hypocrites; "we hate the government can we get some more $$$?"

  • Ivan Ivanovich Renko says:

    So, if I may be blunt: if Marcus Bachmann was any more of a queen, he would be on British money.

    I am so stealing that line.

  • c u n d gulag says:

    Jesus, he sounds like a gay Daffy Duck!
    As a human being: Dethsppppicable!

    If he showed up at the West Village Gay Pride Parade, they'd probably ask him to tone it down a bit.
    And this from guys in costumes that Vegas strippers and Carmen Miranda would kill for!

  • OK, watching further, I'm not convinced he's gay. If he was, he'd be a better dancer. I couldn't tell from the video, but I think I detected "White Man's Overbite".

  • I don't take the same pleasure in detecting this.
    (I am an Oscar Wilde fan. But a straight one.)

    As yet another example of blatant hypocrisy arises, I do have to wonder. Is contemporary political hypocrisy (evident especially in social authoritarians who take a strong "moral values" stand) really exceptional? Or have there always been this many hypocrites per capita?

    [I haven't read the history. But in my own memory, the first I recall is Jimmy Swaggart's "I have sinned…"]

    Also, Middle Seaman and Hawes, I've got the squelch turned up pretty high. But he's certainly got the gay affectations of intonation and last syllable pronunciation. And a voice that sounds like he's pushing it to its higher register, based on his size. Which is to say, yeah, it sure seems gay to me.

  • USDA Prime snark plus a great cup of really strong coffee is the perfect way to face the inanity US politics in the early 21st century.

    This is one of the best snark places on the intertubz….

  • Sorry, but I'm in the rage seat on this panel. Did anyone keep up with the story of Kirk Murphy, who killed himself after really cruel reparative therapy directed by Dr. George Rekers? Lots of gay kids kill themselves, especially in religious homes (Mormons and Baptists, I'm looking at you) but Rekers had his mother deprive him of love, and his father beat him, when he behaved like a sissy.

    Rekers is listed in Wikipedia as "emeritus professor of Neuropsychiatry and Behavioral Science at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine", as well as a Baptist minister, but you might recognize him from the headlines. When a founding member of the anti-gay lobby group Family Rights Council gets caught with a rentboy, everybody wins. He said he needed physical assistance on the trip, but the photos showed him hauling luggage next to a hot young thing hauling a latte. He would just be another derision-worthy hypocrite if he hadn't been involved in destroying at least one kid's life.

    Marcus Bachmann reads the same to me, with the Minnesota twist. I get the feeling he represses his sexuality altogether in the name of cookie cutter-ing himself for Christ. Whether he has ever failed in that self-repression, I don't know. But given that Michele Bachmann has discussed that she didn't love Marcus and didn't want to marry him, but did as God directed her to do; and given her cases of hysterical nerves in the presence of gay women, I wonder if she's not repressing some degree of homosexuality as well. It might just be fear, ignorance, and the lies she's been fed, of course, but there might be more. I'm not trying to be coy, but she reminds me of the sort of flawless, stiff girls I met in Sunday School who ran up and hugged me later at the Softball and Dog Breeders Potluck.

    Look, if you live a lie, lie to yourself every day about big important things, and pretend to be something you're not, it's a short walk to all kinds of other hypocrisy. The rigidly puritanical approach to Christianity does not accommodate truth and reality for all. It leads straight men to cheat on their wives, and leads gay men to marry women and cheat on them, too. If they all cheat on their taxes, is anyone surprised?

    As Polonius said to Laertes,
    "This above all: to thine own self be true,
    And it must follow, as the night the day,
    Thou canst not then be false to any man."

    Shakespeare wins.

  • I hate these conversations.
    Spend your time railing against the fact that he is pretending to have a degree that they don't have, or that he's taking money from the feds.
    But these "oooooh this dude is soooo gay" conversations are embarrassing and offensive.

  • He strikes me as more of a Brass Rail or Saloon gay than a Gay 90's patron (however, I know all too well the appeal of the Sunday night Gay 90's party after spending a Sunday afternoon at the Bolt/Eagle for their showtunes beer bust!)

  • c u n d gulag says:

    ladiesbane,

    Yup, Will always wins out.

    As I look around our current political situation, I think of Puck:
    "Lord, what fools these mortals be…"

  • @ whb: I understand your point, and I recognize (as I think we all do) that any humor that derives from snark (thanks, WyldP) is going to skirt the edge of offensiveness, particularly when it's based in mockery of someone's sexual orientation. A lot of the things said here are going to sound anti-gay–as if we're mocking Bachmann for being gay, period. But context matters. We're mocking him not for being gay, not even for being closeted (which is entirely his own business), but for being anti-gay himself. For not simply being in denial, but in being in the brutal, cruel business of (as ladiesbane points out) hurting gay men and women by making them frightened and ashamed of who they are, all the while pursuing his own furtive pleasures. There's a special place in hell for such people, and cruel humor is, I would argue, entirely deserved. And since nothing is more cruel than confronting the man with what he is–*and* doing so in a way that mocks his own bigotry by repeating it to his face–I think we get a pass, here.

    If I might draw a (loose) comparison, our humor here comes from something similar to the humor of the Gay Pride Parade, where the LGBT community presents the most outrageous, stereotyped version of itself in celebration of the joyful freedom to do so. Using bigotry to defy bigotry–I think that's what's going on. Alternatively, we're just being Bugs Bunny, who could always devastate Elmer Fudd by planting a big wet sloppy kiss on him.

    However, if we offend, we offend. As I say, that's a legitimate response, and if explanations/excuses aren't enough, I'll simply apologize.

  • "So, if I may be blunt: if Marcus Bachmann was any more of a queen, he would be on British money.

    I am so stealing that line."

    Yes, done. The rainbows out of the palms line needs some polishing, but that is also now in my hip pocket.

    Tanks.

  • whb, I don't believe anyone here is making fun of gay people….they are pointing out the hypocrisy of people who publicly rail about homosexuals when they themselves are gay. And if Marcus Bachmann is not gay, I'll eat a live toad. That man is so far back in the closet he can see Aslan and the White Witch.

  • Well as a gay friend of mine says, when you bury that stuff so far down and never let it out, it will eventually come out. Sideways. So Mr. Bachmann's "gay therapy" clinic is just his repression–coming out sideways. Too bad other people have to suffer for his inability to accept himself.

  • And if Marcus Bachmann is not gay, I'll eat a live toad.

    Off topic, but my cat ate a live toad once. It was pretty gross.

  • See, these religious closet case types think that as long as they are fighting their "urges" and not having sex with other men (or women as the case may be, but far less often is), then that means they're not "gay".

    Of course, this makes as much sense as saying that up until I lost my virginity I wasn't a hetrosexual. No, I'm pretty damned sure I wanted sex with women even if I wasn't getting any yet.

    It's not the act, Marcus, it's the DESIRE TO ACT that defines your sexuality.

  • anotherbozo says:

    Saturday Night Live once had a skit (with Dana Carvey, so you know what vintage) about "effeminate heterosexuals." They usually call their wives "Mommy," and have cutesy names for the sex act, their private parts, etc. etc. A legitimate type, you think? I've known a few.

  • Yes it was bad dancing, but unless my Minnesota born and bred eyes were deceiving me, that was a polka. You can't look cool doing the polka.

  • I guess we can pretty much anticipate the day when Marcus is busted in a men's room somewhere. Also, as for making fun of people like this, I think that if one is a homosexual who not only denies it, but actively seeks to deprive those homosexuals who are honest about their identity of their Constitutional rights, it's fair game.

  • I predicted that Bachmann's campaign would be one humiliation after another for her, and it seems things are right on schedule. Any hand-wringing over her shot at the White House (including Taibbi's) strikes me as more liberal masochism from the people who just KNEW, one week out, that McCain would pull of a surprise landslide. The GOP traditionally finds ways around nominating deranged, bigoted gaffe machines like Bachmann, no matter how well they do in the Hawkeye State.

    The party regretted its Palin gambit almost immediately, and she was chosen as a thick-skinned, independent-minded reformer, not the mushmouthed conspiracy theorist she became after Couric cleaned her clock on prime time. Bachmann is already WAY beyond that.

    Even if the right-wing media finally take out Mittens, which doesn't seem to be happening, the Rs can find someone to tank this with dignity. No one except hardline teabaggers and home-schooled theocrats wants to watch Michele debate Obama and rep the party for six months, and those groups rarely get what they want from the GOP.

    While I despise Marcus Bachmann for his willfully ignorant remarks and his chosen line of work, I nonetheless admire his impressively wide stance. It is a stance of Samwellian proportions.

  • Serious Tea Party leaders must be lining up to blow Rick Perry right now. I mean "beg." BEG Gov. Blowdryer to run.

  • I have a good one:
    "If Marcus Bachmann was any farther into the closet, he'd be in Narnia."
    I stole that from a blogger who's name I forgot. I know it doesn't add much to the discussion, but I couldn't let that priceless "british money" crack go by without at least tossing it in there.

  • Marcus Bachmann is not just gay, he is "center square gay"….great line from Jon Stewart (or his writers)….and for the record, I was a huge Paul Lynnde fan.

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