The first three posts for this week have been fairly in-depth, and I'm trying to make major financial decisions at the moment. In the meantime, please continue to enjoy Monday through Wednesday. Oh, and this. Chew on this for a while too.

I recently asked my neighbors' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, are liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

Her parents beamed with pride.

'Wow…what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don’t have to wait until you're President to do that! You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'

I said, 'Welcome to Conservatism.'

Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.

I place the odds that this happened at around 0%. But true story or not, it teaches us all a valuable lesson: that the guy who wrote this is an unbearable d-bag.

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68 Responses to “I'M SURE THIS HAPPENED”

  1. JazzBumpa Says:

    Arslan –

    The only thing that could make it better would be a totally irrelevant non-sequitur from Dennis.

    JzB (apologizing for yet another depressing comment)

  2. Arslan Says:

    Dennis, you seemed to have made the crucial mistake of assuming that there are many Obama supporters here. I for one never gave a fuck about a word that guy said, before and after the election.

  3. Major Kong Says:


    Despite his many faults, he's still infinitely preferable to the traveling freakshow that would have been a McCain/Palin administration or Romney/Anybody.

  4. Kevin (NYC) Says:

    "But thanks for proving what I said earlier, that conservatism tracks closely with stupidity."

    lol you are wise Sarah… I have never seen a troll here before.. but I don't read every comment.

    "Remember when Obama blah blah blah.." gee Dennis I don't remember.. and I can't be bothered to watch!!

    because who cares? Obama may be a scardy cat regulation snuffer, who bombs and kills people with a wave of his hand, who let Bush and Woo and Cheney et al war criminals go without a boohoo and who locks up whistleblowers and makes deals with insurance companies and wall street tycoons..

    but so what. The last person out of the clown car, now it's Romney… will be far worse. twice the bad and none of the good.

    so it does not matter all the bad stuff Obama did. You Repukes like at that stuff anyway.

  5. Kevin (NYC) Says:

    "Really, that is all conservatives live for."

    and, that is true, also..

  6. Dennis Says:

    Heh. I thought the the video of Obama stammering about sacrifices he'd ask students in exchange for free stuff was apt, and a fairly obviously parallel to the topic of the post. The parents are pissed at even the suggestion of someone working for the handout, even an innocent child wondering why that could not be the case. Just as Obama thinks it might be a good idea at first,and indeed his wife repeated that suggestion many times that her husband would challenge people to do more, but reality set in with him and he soon realized that was a political loser for him to put the plan in place. Occupy kids today don't want mere help with their student loans, they want complete forgiveness….."and screw the volunteerism, are you kidding me? Bail me out like you did Wall Street, Obama! C'mon, you can do it, just tax the rich."

  7. Xynzee Says:

    Gold! Gold! Gold! For Dennis! Truly an Olympic class performance level on your behalf!

  8. DB Says:

    LOL, yeah Dennis… How dare those kids want a free pass for attending Bumfuck State University so that they can provide the economy with the mid-level cannon fodder that it needs to function?!?!1?

  9. Major Kong Says:

    Actually I think Dennis is onto something here. Maybe we can ask the oil companies to "sacrifice" in exchange for all the subsidies we give them?

  10. Dennis Says:

    Why not just pick four or five companies and do like the Romans did, Major….just crucify them. The rest will do what you want them to do then, amirite?

  11. xynzee Says:

    Dennis is set up in his office. He goes left.. No! He goes right he shoots! He scores!

    Dennis. You truly have exceeded any expectations what's so ever. Not only are you a naturally born, highly talented douche. But like a top performing athlete, you practice daily to hone and improve your skills. You are the Federer of douches.

    Care to stop while you're ahead or just keep going?

  12. Major Kong Says:


    Hey, not a bad idea. After all, corporations are people now.

    But I'm a reasonable man. I'd settle for an "Exxon can't buy Senators" law.

  13. Mike Says:

    "Exxon can't buy Senators"

    But money is speech and corporations are people, so it's only natural if legislators respond to all of the "speech" that they receive from "people".

  14. cc Says:

    I'm not sure what I find more offensive about that little piece: the smugness of the author, or that he thinks a demonstration of a child's empathy is a policy position that must be debated. Either way, ugh.

  15. Roxy Says:

    Thanks a lot.

    I started reading the comments at the link, now I can't sleep. Those people are effin' mean!

  16. Arslan Says:

    Dennis, you do realize that Bush, McCain, and Palin all supported the bailout and stimulus too, right?

  17. Rusty Troller Says:

    Fifty bucks? A Cheap Labor Conservative would never pay a child that much money in exchange for house & yard work… at least not when there are 'guest workers' who will do it for ten cents on the dollar. The first rule of trickle-down economics is "trickle".