Audience participation post: Use the comments to post the best (by which I mean worst) things you have read or heard about Ebola so far. Given that most Americans possess a third grade understanding of biology, it is the epitome of "This would be funnier if it were not so sad" to listen to their scientific theories. Particularly when those theories are combined with their inherent nativism, racism, and pathological desire to use everything that happens anywhere in the world as an excuse to go off half-assed on Obama.

Links preferred, but tales of things overheard around the office are certainly welcome as well. I'm looking to compile a Best Of, which shouldn't be hard considering that people who believe that evolution is a Lie from the Pit of Hell are now arguing that Ebola became airborne in four months.

Don't let me down.

78 thoughts on “THE WISDOM OF CROWDS”

  • Combining two hot topics in news media, that ISIS are going to deliberately infect themselves with ebola in a suicide mission to spread the disease in the West

  • Phoenician in a time of Romans says:

    A coworker tried telling me that Ebola was worse than AIDS today.

    No, no it's not. I'd prefer to get AIDS over getting Ebola as an individual First Worlder, for sure, but the former has and still is killing many more people than the latter.

  • But you are all aware, right, that the Ebola virus can get AIDS?

    I mean, they both originated in West Africa.

    This is double trouble, people.

    I'm so scared I'm going to stop reading American blogs.

  • The boring one says:

    Adam Baldwin (Jane from Firefly):
    "What hard evidence is there that Obama doesn't want ebola in America?"

    Baldwin's question exemplifies wonderfully the self-styled critical attitude of the lunatic, allowing him to insinuate anything without putting any work into backing it up. Apart from that: Does anyone around here know what the conspiracy theory behind the question is? That Obama wants to use the resulting state of emergency for enacting a single-payer healthcare system?

  • Kroveechernila says:

    Facebook conversation between cousins. I promise the only thing I've altered was removing their last names, and deleting the time stamps/"like" button from the copy-pasted text for clarity.

    TED: Just watched the director of the CDC make his statements today concerning ebola. Not only could the fear in his eyea be seen, the trembling in his voice told me that this sickness could reach conditions described in the Bible as the Armageddon. I think it's time for us to prepare for a full scale outbreak since our government is going to continue to allow people to travel freely ffrom Africa to the U.S.

    MARK: It is a clear and present danger..

    TED: When Republicans asked the CDC director why it would be a bad idea to stop air travel into the U.S. from Africa, he said because infected people would find other ways to get to the U.S and that they wouldn't be able to track them. My question…how does he know that it's not happening already.

    MARK: One of the problems we are faced with is this is an airborne transmitted diseases,correct me if im wrong…anyway we don't know………..we definitely in the last times….we need all the prayer warriors to step up

    TED: They say on the tele that it's only transmitted through bodily fluid contact and it's NOT airborne. However, that is little comfort considering how fast it's spreading, the high mortality rate, and that nobody really has any concrete plan of action for the containment of a virus that there is no cure or vaccine for is definitely cause for major concern.


    TED: Didn't AIDS come from Africa as well? I see a pattern here… and it's not a pleasant one

    MARK: I don't know,just like Egypt..God finds them unacceptable for some reason

    DAWN: You know the saying, "if at first you don't succeed, try try again" Guess they're trying to kill us off again. Hmmm

  • Just saw this lovely little gem on my newsfeed:

    KAT M: this was on my newsfeed today…………….ebola is the name of the river in whats formerly known as Zaire, now the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The actual name of the virus is (Crypto-Necro-Parvum-Vulgaris) and is genetically similar to the virus Parvo that dogs are susceptible to, hence the hemorrhaging and bleeding from the orphuses. It is actually hard to catch. One has to be unsanitary and have a weak immune system. It thrives near feces just like how puppies catch it. This virus is a weapon of biological warfare first tested in the third world country of the Congo for depopulation agenda. Vitamin B3, D3, and Omegas will prevent you from catching it. The virus is not what folks should worry about, its the vaccine. It normally takes 10-30yrs of research before doctors can undoubtedly approve a vaccination of any sort and this vaccine is being fast-tracked and should be ready by the end of this year and mandatory next year. The vaccine is being developed at Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia and funded by the NIH (National Institute of Health) and GSK (GlaxoSmithKline). GSK was fined 3billion earlier this year for misconduct and paying doctors off to circulate more medicines including antidepressants, Pain-killers, and untested asthma products, targeting young children. GSK also has hundreds of law suits from the families whos children were vaccinated with the swine-flu shot and have developed injuries due to the shot causing frequent narcolepsy. These same crooks are rushing a vaccine for Ebola. Now keep this in mind there are 11 strains but ultimately 2 types of Rabies Type 1 (Pararlytic) and Type 2 (Furious). NIH, GSK, and TJU are using a Type 2 (Furious) Rabies virus as the base in the Ebola Vaccine that will supposedly protect and prevent the contraction of Ebola and Rabies. What these companies are not spilling is that one vaccinated the Rabies based cure will mutate to infuse with Ebola days or hours upon injection. So now you have bleeding from every orphus and the furious rabies symptoms. The worst part is this mutation is expected to go airborne. Literal Zombie apocalypse. Not dead coming back to life no not at all. But a gruesome disease that infects the living host until an untimely end of starvation. Exactly like 28 days later. This is the end-game of the elite to depopulate the whole world. It will kill 90% of humanity This is what Fema is for. This is what all the urban warfare training was about. My advice stock up on seeds, respirators, a couple of baseball bats for protection, long sleeve clothes, and a few simple tools along with some rope. We still have some time. When you hear about mandatory vaccination that's youre cue to leave to the woods and get as far away from the city as you can with family and a a few trusted friends who know whats up. Study in your free time this shit will blow you away. The media is trying to scare the mass with Ebola so they will take the vaccine.

  • Well, I'm very disappointed to read that about Adam Baldwin. I liked him on Firefly; his character Jayne was a lot of fun (and apparently smarter than the actor who played him).

  • @Jimcat

    It's always stock up on guns and gold.

    Doesn't matter if it's Ebola or Sam's Club running out of extra-absorbant paper towels. It's just what they do.

  • This doesn't answer the question, but is related; on a flight from New Jersey to Indiana, yesterday, a young lady on the flight had a surgical mask on. Smart thinking!

  • A link to a website featuring this exact text was posted by an incredulous facebook friend of mine:

    Exerpt: "People In the Western World Need to Know What's Happening Here in West Africa. THEY ARE LYING!!! "Ebola" as a Virus Does NOT Exist and Is NOT "Spread". The Red Cross Has Brought a Disease to 4 Specific Countries for 4 Specific Reasons and It Is Only Contracted By Those Who Receive Treatments and Injections From the Red Cross."

    They also tie this to the missing Chibok girls being "fake"

  • Check out the twitter stream for this hashtag if you desire exposure to a lot of crazy. The tweet below is one of the mild ones.

    So #clipboardman belongs to the utterly incompetent CDC? Shocked I tell you, shocked.
    — Ty Wilson (@22TWilson) October 16, 2014

    The #clipboardman is the "medical protocol supervisor," and no, he is not endangering himself or the remainder of the United States by not wearing protective gear. He is watching to make sure that Ms. Vinson and the people transferring her follow the contact protocols. Someone whose movements and vision are not limited by the protective gear is required for this purpose.

  • Airborne transmission of Ebola exists only in Dr. Osterholm's imagination, but I suspect this is an example of a person being quoted out of context.

    “It’s the single greatest concern I’ve ever had in my 40-year public health career,” said Dr. Michael Osterholm, director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota. “I can’t imagine anything in my career- and this includes HIV- that would be more devastating to the world than a respiratory transmissible Ebola virus.”

  • Giggle and point all you like, but whose intuitions has been completely and utterly validated by ebola man and his victims? That one's not even close. Scowl-faced mulletheads 1, G&T commenters 0

  • No link but what is terrifying to me is that NBC Nightly news spent more than 20 minutes on Ebola, why Joan Rivers bit the dust and of course video of the bear cub caught in the dumpster.

  • I liked this sensible note from a friend on FB:

    Quick thing: before you start (or continue) FREAKING OUT about Ebola, ask yourself a couple of questions. Have you had a flu shot? Do you think vaccines can cause autism? Because if you haven't, or you do, you're a WAY bigger health risk to Americans than Ebola.

  • Joseph Nobles says:

    Check passports and put everyone who has been in Africa the last three weeks into a mandatory 21-day quarantine.

  • @Stephen

    The overflowing cesspool of stupid in that post saddens and angers me.

    Still, it looks like we've got a winner.


    Jesus H. Christ.

  • That which has made me laugh the most thus far: a co-worker (ostensibly someone with a fucking Masters degree, mind you) pronounces it "Imbola". And then there's this image:

    Thinking about this image makes me laugh every time. I had a hard time falling asleep last night because of such laughter. Derp. Heh.

  • Just the typical Illuminati, population control, conspiracy bullshit from people who can't be bothered to pick up a book or read an article from a reputable, peer-reviewed source.

  • @Ryan H

    These people don't know what peer reviewed means.

    Even if they did, the research would be coming from those stupid commie scientists who don't know anything because they lack the one thing that all idiots KNOW they have in spades:

    "common sense".

  • swkellog – I, too, had to choke back a coffee spew when I learned that we had "orphuses."

    The sweet frosting is the "ph" in the spelling.

  • c u n d gulag says:

    The scariest stuff I hear about Ebola, is from the mouths of Republican politicians.
    Also, by far the stupidest, too!

    The midterm elections are right around the corner, and our Republicans are going nuts trying to scare the people with either ISIS, Ebola, or Brown immigrants – or with brown immigrants with calves the size of cantaloupe's, carrying Ebola-sickened ISIS fighters on their backs, while also hauling in bags of pot and cocaine.


  • My most recent moment of horror at human stupidity began with this:

    Ebola workers attacked and killed in Guinea

    “It's very sad and hard to believe, but they were killed in cold blood by the villagers,” government spokesman Albert Damantang Camara said, according to Agence France-Presse.

    A local police officer, Richard Haba, said the villagers believed that Ebola “is nothing more than an invention of white people to kill black people.”

    Stephen's specimen has some African soulmates, apparently.

    Ironic, ain't it.

  • A co-worker told me his roommate believes Ebola is part of a secret government plot to depopulate Africa so that we can cut our foreign ad budget.

    I facepalmed so hard I knocked myself into the next room.

  • Since I have a home office, I'm somewhat insulated from the ramblings of coworkers, but this news – – which I first heard about from my husband – sent my BP soaring. Specifically this bit:

    "The officials said it had been difficult to find a contractor willing to enter the apartment to clean it and remove bedding and clothes, which they said had been bagged in plastic."

    As I growled to the hubby: "Fuck that – gimme a hazmat suit and I'll fucking do it." And I wasn't completely joking, either… I used to be a staff research associate in a university lab/primate center studying simian retroviruses (SIVmac and simian foamy virus); and had to deal with various "Rhesus Pieces" (as necropsy/biopsy samples were jocularly called) that were almost certainly contaminated with Herpes B virus ( I also worked with hazardous chemicals and radioisotopes aplenty.

    I worked there during both of my pregnancies and well after my kids were born; and breastfed both. Suffice it to say, both were born perfectly healthy and remained that way (they're both in college now).

    This used to freak some of my neighbors (and in-laws… sigh!) out… but, as I noted at the time, the lab was really the only environment in which my safety, as well as that of my children, was practically 100% under my control. Driving to and from work (30 miles one-way) and daycare was far more dangerous.

    But I digress… my point is that the procedures for handling biohazardous materials are well-known. And they work when they're scrupulously followed. There is absolutely no reason to panic: it's simply a question of giving people proper training and the protective clothing/supplies/reagents to do the job of decontamination properly. Unfortunately, if this anecdote reported on TPM is true – – the stumbling block is more likely to be corporate America, not the government that used to pay my (state) university salary and saw to it that I had the proper training and materials to do my job.

  • I think one or more of these needs the ol' FJM hammer brought down on them. Maybe the loser that wrote the article Jimcat linked to. The Orphus person up there, while mightily entertaining, may unfortunately be too incoherent.

  • A local police officer, Richard Haba, said the villagers believed that Ebola “is nothing more than an invention of white people to kill black people.”

    Them people need to meet Rush Limbaugh and compare notes.

    I agree, it's Stephen for the win with the "orphuses." Orphus in the Underworld.

    But I do have one: one of the attorneys in our office is a notorious germophobe. She flew yesterday to Chicago with her husband and children. She brought disinfectant spray and a giant bottle of hand sanitizer with her (although how she got it on the plane is a question for later) and refused to allow her family to sit in their seats until she "disinfected" the area. This is a woman with a law degree. Supposedly intelligent. Supposedly.

  • Re: Clipboardman: "Someone whose movements and vision are not limited by the protective gear is required for this purpose."

    I saw that tape and was dismayed by the breathless reporting by CBS Morning News broadcasters. I thought the exact thing, that they needed someone not in a suit to keep an eye on things. That's not to say that this Ebola outbreak isn't a bit disconcerting. To me it illustrates more that America is not as squared away (i.e. "exceptional") as we'd like to think. If the GOP hadn't spent the last two or three congresses defunding every non-defense program in sight maybe we could muster a more credible response to a dangerous infectious disease.

  • Validated intuitions? What?

    My intuition that it is passingly unlikely that some dude carrying Ebola on a plane from Africa to the United States will foment a pandemic decimating 0.00000094% of the population and leading to rioting, chaos, destruction and the end of modernity as we know it was totally validated, except for the whole rioting, chaos, destruction, end of modernity bit.

    Christ, what an asshole.

  • Gerald McGrew says:

    All of the following from one guy in an internet forum I belong to…

    Short version: Connecticut preemptive declaration of a public health emergency is setting up a police state.

    Then there's…well, just about everything you can imagine from this site:

    The Red Cross is injecting people with fake vaccines that actually produce the symptoms of Ebola. Ebola is actually a "CIA-Zionist bio-chemcial weapon tested in Africa, but being used to control Americans thru fear".

    "This vaccine implemented sickness being "called" Ebola was introduced into West Africa for the end goal of getting troops on the ground in Nigeria, Liberia, and Sierra Leone." (to get oil)

    "Sierra Leone is the World's Largest Supplier of Diamonds."

    The gov't will shut down and seize all websites that don't promote the ebola vaccine.

    FEMA hasn't gotten to use their concentration camps yet (because Americans have guns), so…

    "The NSA provides a profiled list of who lives and who dies to people who will go door to door vaccinating and evacuating people under the ploy of “Ebola”. When these people come to your door, they make the decision who lives and dies right then and there. If you refuse a shot, off to the camps you go where you will “die from Ebola,” and there will be no witnesses to say otherwise. If you are stupid and agree to the shot, and have been profiled as a patriot, your particular shot will be formulated to kill or destroy you."

  • I'm with those who think this is an excellent reason to seal the border. (To Texas. What did you think I meant?)

    In the conspiracies-are-easier-than-truth department, there was this picture on Reuters today. It's a chalkboard streetside newspaper in Liberia. As near as I can make out the left panel it says: "Despite accusation of the US Gov't creation of the deadly Ebola virus to fight China out of Africa for Africa's resources, the disease has attacked the US from Lib killing 1 person & 2 in Spain & learning fear."

    I have a bit of trouble following the syntax, but the bit about learning fear sure is true. Note that there's nothing about learning to handle it. There's also a scorecard in the picture: Ebola 1, USA 0. Given the tripe reported in the other comments here, they got that right too.

  • Use the comments to post the best (by which I mean worst) things you have read or heard about Ebola so far.

    Well, there's this. Really, not inflammatory at all.

  • My wife's Facebook feed is crazier than mine due to her enormous extended family. Here's a post she found that we were laughing about:

    Oh yeah I have a theory that this very well could be an attack from the current threat as the country where the guy was from is heavily influenced by the moon cult, and in warfare it is a simple concept that you attack your enemies so as to use the minimal amount of resources you can afford to cause the highest amout of damage. Using a virus that is prevalent in a country that they have influence in would not be hard to find a person who is a follower or not they have ways to force people to do this that is willing to sacrifice themselves.

    They come over they infect a few people those infected begin to travel around the country infecting others boom. Pandemic that affects the economy and other infrastructure that is dependent on people interacting.

  • There is plenty of crazy to go around, but I think the very scariest think that has been issued from Larry Klayman. Weaponized stupidity, with a call for political violence.

    Klayman has apparently filed a lawsuit, claiming President Obama is aiding terrorism and must be forcefully removed from office immediately … because Obama has deliberately letting infected Africans into the United States (to infect white people).

    "I do not advocate violence, and I want Obama taken alive to be deported to pay for his inadequacies …" Klayman says.

  • There is a chicago hotline that is answering ebola questions (not sure if its exclusive) that is getting 200 calls a day. This role could be filled by 3 FAQ questions

  • Won't be a really volatile anecdote, but 3 weeks ago, when I was leaving the US to go back home to the UK, my 84-yr-old Bronx Irish Catholic released-inner-racist (circa 2008, i.e. the arrival of Obama) mom said 'watch out for Ebola and don't touch black people' – is the response 'doh!' or 'derp!' or 'whatevers…'? Been out of the country too long, but glad I get to leave every year. After seeing pics of folks in US airports wearing full HAZMAT suits, I'm thinking taking your shoes, jewelry and belt off for security is going to be a happy memory in the next year or two. Sheesh. Skype's going to start to charging by the minute (if they don't already – don't use it), and make a fortune.

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  • Alex Jones: "Let's have a general strike to protest Obama inaction over Ebola". "Ebola is the "globalists'" solution to overpopulation." (Me: why not nukes?)

  • Gleeful (really gleeful about a f'n infectious disease???) fb post from my best friend from grammar school – sigh – the post continues into the now standard calls for a coup, but not really,…

    "Let me be clear…
    If you like your plan, you can keep your plan.
    Let me be clear…
    The CDC has everything under control. Ebola is very unlikely to come to America.
    How can anyone still like or defend this guy? We need to secure our borders, halt flights from the hot zones, and repeal Obamacare."

    This is from the 50 yr old daughter of slovak/lithuanian immigrants – yeah, I've never asked how they got into the US.

    Correct me, but Texas doesn't have ACA, right? And everything I do know about Texas "healthcare" from friends who live/lived there place it right up/down there with Louisiana for dumbfuckery, fraud, and out-right cruelty.

  • Among a conversation in a graduate social sciences program, which also confers a Master's in Public Health Degree (and I paraphrase). "I'm flying to Johannesburg next year and I don't want to fly through Dakar in case there is a risk."

  • I was dismayed to see this story from Portland, Maine:

    A teacher who visited Dallas for a conference weeks ago, ten miles from the hospital where the patient was treated, has been put on 21 days' leave after what appears to be an epic parental freakout. For Pete's sake, if Ebola was that contagious, the entire state of Texas (never mind a substantial portion of the African continent) would have symptoms by now.

    I should know by now not to be surprised by how panicky my fellow Americans can be, but I think this is a new low.

  • I had an online exchange with a lady who proclaimed that "we" must stop all departures from Liberia, Guinea and Sierra Leone.

    She never responded to my query how "we" would control what other sovereign nations do.

  • It's the 21st century. I hear America clucking. It's our new national anthem: cluck, cluck, awk, buck, buck.

  • I just read a comment board about the teacher in Maine who was suspended because she visited the city of Dallas.

    The comment board included a woman who says she ordered something on Amazon, and when it arrived she realized it had been shipped out of Texas. So she soaked it in Clorox.

  • My girlfriend works in the ER, and told me about a guy who was recently admitted for cuts or bullet wounds or something. The police stood by to arrest him (for what I don't know, presumably related to the wounds) as soon as he was fixed up a bit. The sly fox told the ER docs that he'd just been in a fight with someone from Liberia, with ebola. They were then required to keep him much longer and put him through extensive testing/monitoring, likely incurring enormous unnecessary costs to the state (public hospital) and foiling (well, delaying) the officers' planned arrest.

  • From the comment section of the "Ebola Hoax" video referenced by What The Karp!?!:

    Nina Pham = Nina Pha(r)m = (I) Nina Pha(r)m = I need a pharmacy. CNN is a Dis-Info Terrorist Agency! You would think the Script writers for CNN could come-up with some 'believable' names. EBOLA is NOT Airborne, Sooooo Why, always, with the face masks? Just another Dis-Info Prop! Useless Bastards!!!

    And then, We can't forget Ms. "Heather Green". LOL! GREEN is the Ebola "Color" of choice for the "Ad Agencies".

    There are some real gems if you dare venture down the rabit hole:

  • The thing is that from what I understand, there are no flights from these west African countries. You have to go though some place like Rome or mostly other European airports.

    The terror index in these areas bears at least some relation to reality.

  • Nina Pham = Nina Pha(r)m = (I) Nina Pha(r)m = I need a pharmacy.


    If there is a vast conspiracy, has anyone explained why the conspirators are so compelled to dropping these word-play clues? Is it that they just can't think of more believable character names, or are they somehow channeling a subconscious desire to scuttle the plan? You'd think a CIA conspirator could come up with a character name without having to resort to cryptology???? Fiction authors do it all the time…..

  • George Will knocks it out of the park. Again.

    "To their credit, Tanden and panel host Chris Wallace continued to point out that Will’s claims were fallacious. This merely seemed to deepen Will’s suspicions. “Again,” he replied with his characteristic sagacity, “we're getting used to people declaring scientific debates closed over and settled; they rarely are.” Scientific debates will never be settled so long as George F. Will is around to unsettle them."

  • Late to the game personal anecdote: I work on a loading dock near Akron, Ohio. When that nurse who eventually was shown to have ebola visited Ohio, one of the places she went was a dress shop to be fitted for her wedding. The woman at the shop who fitted her was the daughter-in-law of one of my co-workers. When this came out, my co-worker was heavily suggested that she leave the dock. Now. They wouldn't "send" her home because they would have to pay her the rest of her shift. People were appalled that she even came to work. When she eventually left early because of the harassment she received, one guy demanded that the forklift she had been driving be taken off the dock.

  • Major Kong mentioned above that 3,000 people die of the flu every year in America.

    He is wrong by an order of magnitude — 30,000 people die of the flu in a typical year in theUSA. In the Spanish Flu epidemic " In the U.S., about 28% of the population suffered, and 500,000 to 675,000 died" according to Wikipedia. More people died world wide than in any pandemic ever, more than the Black Plague, Aids, Polio and Small Pox combined.I see that this is a dead thread, but I thought I would add some real information.

  • Ebola is the only virus known to man that can live inside of a bar of soap for up to three years. The jury is still out on shampoo and conditioner.


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